7/28/20: If you wished to capture one moment that encapsulated the flawed and fumbling response of Donald Trump to the coronavirus crisis, you had it yesterday. On Tuesday, the president was forced to defend his decision to retweet a video featuring Dr. Stella Immanuel.
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Demon sex! Demon sperm! |
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When having demon sex be sure to use a condom.
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Dr. Immanuel first gained the president’s attention when she claimed hydroxychloroquine is a “cure” for COVID-19. The president had been criticized for touting the drug himself. Now he saw her claim as validation.
Even Don Jr. got carried away by the news. He retweeted the same video, labeling it “a must watch.”
There was joy in Trumpistan.
Sad to say, the free press started digging. It was revealed that Dr. Immanuel had once claimed alien DNA was being used in medicines. Also, women can develop gynecological problems after dreaming about sex with demons. Which we can all agree proves – when having dream sex – be sure the demon wears a condom.
The good doctor, who doubles as a pastor at a church she founded, has a whole year’s worth of weird claims to flesh out her sermons. Scientists, she says, are developing a vaccine to prevent people from becoming religious. (And you thought people were losing faith because of quacks like Dr. Immanuel!) According to the Daily Beast, she has also claimed that the government is partly run by “reptilian spirits.” These people are “half human and half ET [emphasis added],” she believes.
If you’re wondering how the demons manage to get into your dream pants, she can explain that too. “They turn into a woman and then they sleep with the man and collect his sperm,” she has said.
If you’d like to know how to get rid of any demon sperm you might be carrying, you can go to Dr. Immanuel’s website. Be sure to DONATE (that word is in capital letters at the top) while you’re there. Then read her 72 easy steps for stopping Satan’s sperm from working. We should also point out that if you do get pregnant by a demon, too bad. Dr. Immanuel opposes abortion.
As you might expect, the doctor is also a mask-denier. We don’t need masks to stop the spread.
We don’t need social distancing.
We don’t need shutdowns of bars and restaurants and sporting events. All we need is a slug of the magic elixir.
In any case, we should know soon whether or not Immanuel has a direct line to God. She warned yesterday that if Facebook, which had blocked her videos, refused to put them up again, her celestial friends would destroy the platform. “You are not bigger than God. I promise you,” she said. “If my page is not back up face book will be down in Jesus [sic] name”
When asked yesterday to explain why he posted a video featuring the woman, Trump said he didn’t know much about her. He also mused about his low popularity, compared to Dr. Anthony Fauci.
For some reason, many more Americans trust Dr. Fauci to tell the truth about the virus than “Demon Sex” Donald.
According to Reuters, 1,300 Americans died on Tuesday from the coronavirus. Six states, including California, Florida, and Texas, set one-day records for fatal cases. New virus cases, July 28:
59,862.
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AMERICANS MIGHT BE DYING by the thousands, but what really makes Trump sad is the fact that most of us still breathing think he’s doing a lousy job of handling the pandemic. A new Morning Consult poll released Monday finds that 59% of voters do not approve of his handling of the pandemic. Only 36% do.
During a White House briefing today, the hurt-feelings president addressed this matter directly. (Another poll finds that only 30% of Americans trust Trump to give them good information on the coronavirus. And that includes, we assume, the Demon Sperm Lady. By comparison, 65% trust Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases.)
“It’s interesting, he’s got a very good approval rating and I like that,” Trump says. Although you know he’s jealous. “It’s good. Because remember, he’s working for this administration. He’s working with us. We could’ve gotten other people. We could’ve gotten somebody else. It didn’t have to be Dr. Fauci. He’s working with our administration. And for the most part, we’ve done pretty much what he and others ... recommended. And he’s got this high approval rating, so why don’t I have a high approval rating ... with respect to the virus?”
In other words, Trump is a great leader because he picked Dr. Fauci to help him. And he’s doing what Dr. Fauci says. “Why don’t I have a high approval rating, and the administration, with respect to the virus?” he continues, with a spritz of self-pity.
At any rate, Americans should vote for him in droves in November, assuming they have not been wiped out by this “flu,” as he has called it.
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IF YOU EVER WONDER why liberals think maybe you can’t trust everyone in business, and so government regulations are often necessary, remember David T. Hines. (Okay, and the Sackler family. And Trump University.)
Hines recently scored a $3.9 million COVID-19 relief loan to support his South Florida moving business.
And what better way to move more furniture than to purchase a super-luxury Lamborghini Huracan Evo. For $318,497 dollars.
Hines also spent thousands on dating websites, jewelry, and clothes, and paid for stays at high-end hotels on Miami Beach.
He was arrested recently.
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