AS APRIL FADES into history, we
should take note of a recent uproar, fueled by angry dopes
on X. These dopes demand to know how Democrats in Congress could stand and
applaud Charles III during his recent address, when those same Democrats, and
people like me, use the phrase, “No Kings,” in protest.
I doubt anyone has ever said, “I
go to X to get the latest carefully crafted analysis,” on any topic, but holy
shit.
If one were to read what the real
King of Great Britain said, you would understand why people on our side
applauded.
But that would require reading,
and “influencers” on X don’t go in much for reading (or introspection).
Charles III addresses Congress.
"No Kings" protesters. Donald Trump deals in hate.
*
POLICY-WISE, here are Charles’ main
points (in bold) that those of us left of center can applaud.
(Interpretation for the MAGA faithful is added in orange, as
needed.)
(King Charles III and Donald Dumpling II are not the same.)
(Orange being The Dumpling’s favorite skin toner color.)
On the Founding Fathers, for
example, Charles had this to say:
They carried with
them, and carried forward, the great inheritance of the British Enlightenment –
as well as the ideals which had an even deeper history in English common law
and Magna Carta.
These
roots run deep, and they are still vital. Our Declaration of Rights of 1689 was
not only the foundation of our constitutional monarchy, but also provided the
source of so many of the principles reiterated, often verbatim, in the
American Bill of Rights of 1791.
And
those roots go even further back in our history: the U.S. Supreme Court
Historical Society has calculated that Magna Carta is cited in at least 160
Supreme Court cases since 1789, not least as the foundation of the principle
that executive power is subject to checks and balances.
No American, now
or in the future, will ever be well-served if one man or woman grasps too much
power in his or her hands. Note that Charles specifically mentions the need to
check and balance executive power.
He’s talking about
Donald …
A reference to the Magna Carta is a reminder to check the power of any king.
Got it?
What animates our great nation?
Charles mused:
Distinguished
members of the 119th Congress, it is here in these very halls that this spirit
of liberty and the promise of America’s founders is present in every session
and every vote cast.
Not by
the will of one, but by the deliberation of many,
representing the living mosaic of the United States. In both of our countries,
it is the very fact of our vibrant, diverse and free societies that gives us
our collective strength, including to support victims of some of the ills that,
so tragically, exist in both our societies today.
We’re not ruled by a king. He’s still talking about Donald
Dumpling II.
On faith, he points out that while
Christianity is his rock, he also believes in building a broad understanding:
Through
it I am inspired by the profound respect that develops as people of
different faiths grow in their understanding of each other. It is why it is
my hope – my prayer – that, in these turbulent times, working together and with
our international partners, we can stem the beating of plowshares into
swords.
I am
mindful that we are still in the season of Easter, the season [as a Christian] that
most strengthens my hope. It is why I believe, with all my heart, that the
essence of our two nations is a generosity of spirit and a duty to foster
compassion, to promote peace, to deepen mutual understanding and to value all
people, of all faiths, and of none.
For lawmakers like
Rep. Andy Ogles and Rep. Randy Fine, who love to hate on Muslims, it must have
been painful to listen to Charles. King Dumpling, of course, has preferred to
call Somali immigrants “garbage,” and has said he doesn’t want any more
immigrants from places where, frankly, they’d be non-white.
Compassion,
promoting peace – we have a fool in the White House talking about “ending a
civilization” in Iran.
We who speak out and say, “No Kings,” find almost no overlap in the words Charles III uttered, and the words of hate that so regularly spill from Donald Trump’s mouth.
The king of Great Britain continued:
The
alliance that our two nations have built over the centuries, and for which we
are profoundly grateful to the American people, is truly unique. And that
alliance is part of what Henry Kissinger described as Kennedy’s ‘soaring
vision’ of an Atlantic partnership based on twin pillars: Europe and America.
That partnership, I believe Mr. Speaker, is more important today than it has
ever been.
The
challenges we face are too great for any one nation to bear alone. But in this
unpredictable environment, our alliance cannot rest on past achievements, or
assume that foundational principles simply endure. As my Prime Minister said
last month: “ours is an indispensable partnership. We must not disregard
everything that has sustained us for the last eighty years. Instead, we must
build on it.”
Great Britain and
the United States have combined strength for a hundred years to defeat fascism,
to curb Islamist forces, and more. If Trump wants to knock down one pillar, we’re
all endangered.
The king wants our
nations to remain friends. It’s pretty stupid to have to listen to Donald threaten
to take over Canada – which still, nominally, listens to the commands of Charles,
himself.
Mural from the Eisenhower Presidential Library, celebrating our alliance with the British and many other allies.
This is not difficult to understand
– though some loud mouths on X, want not to pretend they understand. Stirring
up daily anger is their only real trick. Charles understands how alliances make
all involved stronger, and he made clear his support for NATO, citing the
response of allies after the attacks of 9/11:
In the
immediate aftermath of 9/11, when NATO invoked Article Five for the first
time, and the United Nations Security Council was united in the face of terror,
we answered the call together – as our people have done so for more than a
century, shoulder to shoulder, through two World Wars, the Cold War,
Afghanistan and moments that have defined our shared security.
Today,
Mr. Speaker, that same, unyielding resolve is needed for the defense of
Ukraine and her most courageous people. It is needed in order to secure a truly
just and lasting peace. From the depths of the Atlantic to the disastrously
melting icecaps of the Arctic, the commitment and expertise of the United
States Armed Forces and its allies lie at the heart of NATO, pledged to each
other’s defense, protecting our citizens and interests, keeping North Americans
and Europeans safe from our common adversaries.
As we all know, if
we don’t have our heads stuck in jack-o-lanterns, Donald continues to trash NATO,
and our NATO allies. He has gone so far as to denigrate the sacrifice of NATO
troops in the fight against the Taliban, though more than a thousand gave their
lives.
Note also the “melting
icecaps,” a clear reference to the damage being done by climate change. Trump
thinks climate change is a “hoax,” and wants to block efforts to expand
renewable energy sources.
The icecaps aren’t
melting by chance.
Meanwhile, The
Dumpling truly believes that windmills cause cancer. Charles III and Donald J.
Trump are not the same.
Melting ice in Greenland: A warning sign to all humanity.
The real king adds:
Our
common ideals were not only crucial for liberty and equality, they are also the
foundation of our shared prosperity. The rule of law: the certainty of stable
and accessible rules, an independent judiciary resolving disputes and
delivering impartial justice.
No individual ever
to have been seated in the Oval Office has so continuously attacked the
judiciary as the Dumpling King, including members of the U.S. Supreme Court,
chosen by is dumpling self. He has called judges who oppose his will “disgraces,”
and much worse.
Then Charles III addresses the
dangers of climate change – without using the term “climate change,” which
otherwise might send Trump over the edge into full fear-the-windmills meltdown.
No pun intended.
“So as
we look toward the next 250 years, we must also reflect on our shared
responsibility to safeguard nature, our most precious and irreplaceable asset.
… The
natural wonders of the United States of America are indeed a unique asset, and
generations of Americans have risen to this calling: indigenous, political and
civic leaders, people in rural communities and cities alike, have all helped
to protect and nurture what President Theodore Roosevelt called ‘the glorious
heritage’ of this land’s extraordinary natural splendor, on which so much
of its prosperity has always depended.
Yet even
as we celebrate the beauty that surrounds us, our generation must decide how to
address the collapse of critical natural systems which threatens far more than
the harmony and essential diversity of nature. We ignore at our peril the fact
that these natural systems, in other words, nature’s own economy, provide the
foundation for our prosperity and our national security.
Look, if you don’t
know that Donald has been the worst guardian of the environment of any modern American
leader, I feel sorry for you. You’re almost too clueless to be allowed to
handle scissors.
There’s a reason
almost every major environmental organization in this country has opposed
electing Trump – three elections in a row.
Charles continued:
I pray
with all my heart that our alliance will continue to defend our shared values,
with our partners in Europe and the Commonwealth, and across the world, and
that we ignore the clarion calls to become ever more inward-looking.
Politely speaking,
“America First” doesn’t cut it. The same idea failed in the 1930s and early 40s,
when the fascist powers, and a militaristic Japan rose to power, and then came
close to winning World War II.
The Chinese, the Russians,
the Iranians, and the North Koreans would love to see the United States falter;
and if they work together (and they are doing so), we will need strong
alliances, as always.
POSTSCRIPT: If you
love Donald Trump, you don’t have to like this analysis. But if you are too
obtuse to understand why our side does, you need to read more and scream less.
On climate change, for example, if we get this threat wrong all our children
and grandchildren will be screwed.
And do we really want the Chinese
– the communists the MAGA folks insist we on the left love, but don’t – do we
really want them to dominate the rest of this century, with Russian help?
“The whole problem with the
world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser
people so full of doubts.”
Bertrand
Russell
__________
April 1, 2026: It’s
April Fools’ Day once again, in this long nightmare of fools. Donald Dumpling
is still President of the United States.
That says it all.
I understand that my dear MAGA
friends – admittedly a dwindling bunch – have often accused me of “hating”
Donald J. Trump; but I don’t “do” hate. Hate is toxic. When coupled with fear
of the hated, for example witches, gays and Jews, the haters start burning the witches,
beating up the gays, and gassing the last.
Hatred and fear always lead to no good end.
The first time I really
understood how bad Trump would be was when he had just stepped off the
escalator in Trump Tower and tried to convince the American people that Mexican
immigrants were mostly “rapists” and “murderers.” He launched his political career
by stoking hate and spreading fear.
***
So how
are we doing on this day and this season for Fools?
1. I think we must admit that Donald
fooled us when he promised he could end the war in Ukraine in one day.
2. He duped the suckers again when
he promised to bring down prices on “Day 1,” if we would only vote
for him again in 2024.
3. In a recent CNN poll, only 27% of Americans said they approved of the
president’s handling of inflation.
4. I am assuming that includes
Amish people, who drive buggies.
5. Also surprisingly high: Beef prices. HHS Secretary
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has a suggestion. He says we should all eat liver,
because it’s cheap.
6. Or chew gristle.
7. Meanwhile, Donald is trying
to fool his fans into thinking everyone loves him and that he deserves a third
term in office, and probably a fourth, fifth, and sixth (even if that means he ends
up embalmed). Last week, he waddled over to Fox News, where he complained about
the terrible opinion pollsdone by Fox News. “I hate Fox polls,” he told
the five hosts on The Five.
“Honestly, whoever does your
polls are terrible.”
8. Fox showed Donald with an
approval rating of 41%.
9. Did you know Donald is the
first man or woman to run for president ever to sue a polling operation that said he was behind?
Well, now you do.
10. On this April Fools’ Day, the
fool is Trump. RealClearPolitics, which aggregates polls, plugs his overall approval rating at 41.1 percent.
In fact, the president is going
to have to hire more lawyers, because all the polls indicate his support is
tanking fast.
No new
foreign wars!
11. Fooling fools is what Donald
does best. In his second Inaugural Address, he promised he would never get us
involved in any dumb foreign wars.
12. You may recall, however,
that Trump fooled himself last summer and agreed to join the Israelis and bomb Iran’s nuclear sites.
13. 13. The White House was so excited
to announce the success of those attacks that it ran a story under the
banner below:
Naturally, Donald was quoted, crowing about his great victory. “Monumental Damage
was done to all Nuclear sites in Iran, as shown by satellite images.
Obliteration is an accurate term!”
“Bullseye,” he added for fun.
14. Then the Israelis announced that the attacks had “set back Iran’s
ability to develop nuclear weapons by many years [emphasis added, unless
otherwise noted].”
15. In fact, Secretary of
Killing People Pete Hegseth was miffed to find that certain people (who
probably walked all over the Stars and Stripes) had dared to question the perfect success of that
attack. As he put it, we had “obliterated Iran’s ability to create nuclear
weapons. Our massive bombs hit exactly the right spot at each target and
worked perfectly. The impact of those bombs is buried under a mountain
of rubble in Iran; so anyone who says the bombs were not devastating is just
trying to undermine the President and the successful mission.”
16. Then Director of National
Intelligence, Tulsi Gabbard, decided to go for the Big Fool Kill. First, she posted this –
which, of course, Fox News duly reported:
17. Next, Tulsi decided to lambast
the “propaganda media” for denying Donald’s magnificent accomplishment.
18. Then Donald’s easily fooled MAGA
fans started chanting, “Fake News, Fake News,” as if on cue.
19. Then Donald claimed that anyone who dared suggest that Iran’s
nuclear facilities had not been bombed back to the Stone Age secretly hated the
brave pilots and crews that dropped the bombs.
20. For good measure, he said
reporters who doubted what he said were “BAD AND SICK PEOPLE,” capitalizing randomly,
just for fun.
21. He even called one CNN
reporter “scum.”
(Like I said above, I don’t “do” hate but The Dumpling
absolutely does.)
22. I think Trump is a repulsive
human being and I wouldn’t want him for a neighbor and wouldn’t have him for a
friend.
23. Once again, the people who
were easily fooled – maybe because the red baseball caps they loved were too
tight and cut off blood to their brains, decided that all the people who
questioned President Trump had TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome), whereas they
were cool and MAGA people had the inside scoop.
24.
Then something weird happened – which not even Press Secretary Karolyn Leavitt –
a skilled and creative liar if ever there was one, could possibly explain. The Israelis
warned Trump – again – that the Iranians were just minutes – if not nano-seconds
– away from putting the finishing touches on their first atomic bombs.
25. And if we didn’t bomb them
back to the Stone Age again – or possibly back to the Mesozoic Era – they would
arm those bombs and blow us all to Kingdom Come.
26. So, we bombed Iran again
on February 28, which should have alerted every man, woman and child over the
age of four, that maybe the people listed above (see #13-17) had fooled
them once more.
Sending the Iranians back to the Stone Age! Twice!!
27. Next, the president told a
reporter that we had had no choice but to act quick, the
previous week, because “if we didn’t do what we’re doing right now, you would
have had a nuclear war, and they [the Iranians] would have taken out many
countries.”
Narnia, for sure.
28. Did you know Donald stopped
a war between Narnia and Wakanda, just one of the 112 wars he has stopped so
far?
Donald was awarded the FIFA Peace Prize - and award that never existed before.
He even got a medal - like he was in the Special Olympics, or something.
29. Then we had to continue
bombing all through March and drop a few bombs to start the new month, just to
keep warm.
30. Well, April Fools, people in
Iran – because we and you are NOT AT WAR. Did you not notice? Still, you might
want to get your children to bomb shelters next time you hear the air raid
sirens go off.
31 The Dumpling, himself, told Fox
News that it was “a little excursion,” not a war. Then he said it was a
“military operation.”
32. But, no, no, noooooooooooooo
… It was not a war!
33. Then Speaker of the House
Mike Johnson tried to fool as many people as he could – you know, to do his
patriotic part. And he said the operation was “narrowly tailored,” kind
of like a suit.
34. Then President Trump decided
he should trundle off to Mar-a-Lago during the first weekend of the
war and play a bit of golf.
35. That was so much fun, he
trundled off again, the second weekend of the war.
36. And the third.
37. Not to mention the fourth.
And each time he flew south, it cost the taxpayers an estimated $3 million.
38. Which, my dear MAGA fans, is
a lot and you must help foot the bill. So that your hero can whack a little
white ball.
39. As of April 1, the estimated cost of all his trips to Mar-a-Lago and
Doral in just this second term is $101.2 million. And he has spent 110 days
golfing at properties he owns – and – fun fact – the Trump Organization charges
Secret Service agents for drinks, food and lodging while they guard his lard
ass.
(Yes: He deserves protection –
and no one should be shooting at him. On that we can all agree.)
We’re on
the same side as … Iran!
40. This has been an excellent season
for fooling some of the people all of the time, in fact, a continuation of a decade
spent doing the same. For example, Mr. Trump continues to call climate change a
“hoax.” Even though all the countries in the world, except four, support the
Paris Accords, an agreement to work to slow the threat.
41. There are three countries
that have never signed on to the Accords, namely:
Iran (!)
Yemen (!)
– and –
Libya (!).
42. Fun fact: Going back to the
days of Ronald Reagan, the United States has bombed all three.
43. The fourth country, which first
signed up, and then dropped out, is the United States, because … Trump is a
clueless dope.
44. Also, Donald continues to
tell everyone – even Melania, who has no choice but to pretend she cares – that
windmills cause cancer.
45. Which makes Melania wonder
how anyone so dumb ever got elected president once, let alone twice.
Windmills in Indiana - all the farmers are probably dead.
46. So, April Fools, parents and
grandparents, your descendants are going to pay a stiff price for Donald’s stupidity
and duplicity.
47. That goes for my
descendants, as well.
“We’ll
start paying off that debt like water.”
48. If we stop to list some of
the greatest April Fools’ Day tricks of Donald Trump’s trickster career, we
have no choice but to include this promise from the vaults. “We will have a cheaper,
better healthcare plan than Obama.” And, he said it would be ready in weeks.
That was in March 2019.
49. If you are the MAGA type, I
think you should go to your front window and start looking down the street –
both ways – to see when the Trumpcare Plan is going to be delivered to your
house.
50. You will probably need a
chair.
51. And snacks.
52. How about this promise from 2018, which was basically repeated in
2025, regarding the tax cuts pushed through by Team Trump and their Fat Cat pals?
“We have $21 trillion in debt,” Trump said. “When this [tax cut] really kicks
in we’ll start paying off that debt like water.” Water, he said!!!
53. Even better was the
grandiose claim made by The Dumpling, that given eight years in office, he
would wipe out the federal deficit. Not just reduce it
to zero while he was in the White House and/or his private club at
Mar-a-Lago. He would wipe out the damage done by all previous presidents, combined.
Trump would even wipe out the debt caused by President Millard Fillmore.
(Admit it: You've never heard to him, have you?)
54. Sadly, this was more of
Donald’s Miracle Math, but the poor MAGA faithful feel for it once more.
55. The federal deficit recently
passed $39,000,000,000,000, meaning the deficit has almost doubled since Donald first took charge.
56. So maybe it wasn’t “like
water,” but more like sewage.
57. Yes. Other presidents, like
“Sleepy Joe,” helped dig this deep, dark, deficit hole; but the Trump tax cuts
have primarily helped people like Elon Musk, a Fat Cat currently worth $800
billion.
58. Imagine for a moment that
you were worth $800 billion. If the federal government raised your taxes by 3%,
would you be sad?
You’d still have $776 billion.
59. A number of my MAGA friends
got mad, during Donald’s first term, because I said I wasn’t impressed when he donated
his presidential salary ($400,000 per year) – or at least did during his first three years.
60. I pointed out recently that the
president had raised the initiation fee to belong to Mar-a-Lago to a million dollars per membership – which I am
hoping includes close family members. So, he was doing quite well. Did you know
Trump’s club has 500 members? Well, I think you can do the math.
61. Now Dumpling Don says he was
a “schmuck” for giving away all that dough.
62. But don’t fret MAGA fans, Donald
is doing great. His personal wealth increased in just one year, 2025, by
a sweet three billion dollars.
63. Good thing he cut taxes for
billionaires like himself!!!
64. And let’s toss a little extra
Miracle Math into the mix. Lately, Mr. Trump has started
bragging about how he is going to reduce drug prices by 400, 600, even as much
as 1500 percent!
65. For real, who believes this
guy? Maybe people who love liver??? (See: #5, above.)
A happy MAGA Man.
Still
lying about how elections are won and lost.
66. Meanwhile, Donald stays busy
lying constantly about winning the 2020 election; and he makes sure his MAGA
supporters are fooled and re-fooled. Here, we could list a thousand examples,
but let’s stick to a couple of my personal favorites. One of his big claims was
that Democrats rigged the voting machines in 2020, and stole 6,000 votes in Antrim County,
Michigan – proving they could steal votes at will.
67. A hand recount in Antrim, a county where Republicans controlled the
vote-counting process from start to end, showed the vote was off by 12. The
Dumpling Dope was off by 5,988, which (out of 6,000) is a lot.
68. In the same way, Trump fans were
fooled when Donald said he won Georgia by hundreds of thousands of votes in
2020.
69. In the January 4, 2021, tape-recorded
call linked below, you can listen to Donald ask three Republican officials to “find” 11,780 votes
so he can “win” Georgia’s electoral votes. Listen carefully if you love
democracy.
70. And don’t be fooled.
LISTEN TO THE CALL.
71. I have politely suggested to
my Trump-worshipping friends that they listen to this call; but as far
as I can tell, none has dared.
72. It’s almost as if they prefer
being fooled.
73. Suppose those three GOP officials
had been crooks and had agreed to dig up all those “votes.” That would
have been more election fraud than Texas officials have uncovered in the 2016,
2020 and 2024 elections combined.
74. And might I just say that those
of us who revere the Constitution, no matter our political preferences, want
voter fraudsters to be caught and sent to prison. So good job, Texas! In
2024, you caught this bum, who wanted to be mayor of Carrollton in
the worst possible way. Now he’ll be spending four years in jail.
75. At any rate, two days after
that call failed, Trump fans by the thousands attacked the Capitol in a
misguided effort to “Stop the Steal.”
76. The man asking officials to
steal the most votes of all, was The Dumpling, himself. (See: #69, above, and
read it again.)
77. Also, don’t be a chump.
Listen to that damn call.
78. April Fools’ my MAGA
friends. Watching Fox News might be damaging your cognitive skills. Consider just
one frightening tale, from 2020, torn from the pages of Sean Hannity’s comedy show.
Remember when Sean said that 95,000 illegal immigrants were registered to vote in
Texas?
79. And, whoa, Nelly, did that
piss you off!
80. In fact, Texas Attorney
General Ken Paxton fueled the furor when he claimed that 58,000 of those folks had cast ballots, for real.
81. Then Donald picked up the
claim and screamed bloody murder, and insisted Democrats always cheated to win,
and called this massive fraud just “the tip of the iceberg.”
82. And, wow, the easily fooled
were fooled again.
83. It was almost pitiful, if
I’m being frank.
84. When Paxton sent out lists
of those hordes of illegal voters to all 254 counties in Texas, those lists quickly
proved that Paxton was goose poop. In McClennan County, for instance, clerks got
a list of 366 names – but it quickly turned out that there were 0 illegal
voters on that list, giving Team Paxton an impressive 100% error rate.
85. Harris County, which
includes the city of Houston, got a list with 30,000 names. So, clerks started checking and found that at least 18,000
names on the list were honest-to-gosh U.S. citizens, and the whole mess became
so embarrassing that Team Paxton told the counties to stop checking and forget he
ever asked.
86. In the end, according to one
federal judge, it appeared that the actual total of illegal voters in Texas was 80 at most.
87. But the folks in Texas were
every ready to catch men, women, and leprechauns who were illegally registered
to vote. This time they flagged 2,724 names of “potential non-citizens” who
might have signed up on the rolls.
88. You know me. I don’t like
Donald J. Trump, and I don’t trust him any farther than I can throw a
bank-quality safe.
89. So, bear with me, while I do
the math. If Donald wanted officials to steal 11,780 votes, and Texas caught
all those 2,724 “potential” crooks for real, Donald would still be ahead on the
crookery scale.
90. Feel free to check my math,
if you think Donald isn’t fooling you, but I am. Use a calculator if you must.
First, we take the 11,780 votes
that he wanted stolen – then we subtract the 2,724 votes (maybe) that illegals hoped
to cast in Texas – leaving Donald 9,056 ahead.
Or, put another way, Donald’s
crime, had the three Georgia officials been willing to carry it out, would have
been four times greater than the combined potential crimes of all those
possible illegals Texas now claims to have found.
Fooled
and fooled again. And again, and yet again!
91. You might imagine that the
people who were fooled would get mad at the people who kept fooling them
– but for years, the fooled have not.
92. Remember when Donald promised
he could prove President Obama was born in Kenya, or on Mars, and the MAGA
folks fell for that line? In 2011, Trump said he would send investigators to
Hawaii and prove that Obama’s birth certificate was fake!
93. The red baseball cap folks spent
the next five years howling in fear. Then in 2016, when Candidate Don realized
his claims made him sound racist, and might hurt his chances to win his first
run for president, he admitted in nine measly words, that Obama was a
born in America all along.
94. And, unbelievably, the MAGAs
missed their hero’s admission and kept screaming that Obama was a Muslim, and
not American at all.
96. Then they fell for that
absurd Pizzagate fable. The tall tale about how Hillary Clinton and the Democrats
were running a child sex-trafficking ring out of the basement of a pizza parlor
in D.C.
97. Then one poor dolt showed up
with an assault-style rifle (of course), intending to free the trapped children in the pizza parlor and shot
off the lock to a closet door. And found zero trapped kids.
And the poor fool spent four
years behind bars.
98. Then the QAnon-variant of
the “We Love Trump” crowd got fooled into believing that in some magical way, Joe
Biden was going to be grabbed off the stage and arrested before he could give
his 2021 Inaugural Address.
99. And Donald would appear out
of a trap door and take office again.
100. Only that didn’t happen, as
we all know, and I almost feel sorry for people so easily duped.
101. Then gullibility morphed again – into
the “Joe Biden is a Robot” story, who was supposedly controlled by… ah, f**k.
Who knows?
102. Then the easily fooled MAGA
faithful believed it when they were told that Michelle Obama was a man, which
meant Barack was gay. So that it seemed as if, to observers such as me, that no
matter how nonsensical a tall tale might be, if you served it up to folks on
the right, they would gobble it up and never think twice.
Epstein
Files fun.
103. If you wear the official red
MAGA baseball cap and matching red MAGA undies/panties, or both (see: #137,
below), I wonder. Do you even know who Mr. Alex Acosta is? While Hillary
Clinton was busy not running a sex-trafficking ring out of a pizza
parlor, Acosta was cutting Jeffrey Epstein a sweet “mostly get out of jail
free” deal down in Palm Beach, Florida back in 2008.
104. That meant Jeffrey got to
plead guilty to two measly crimes – when, in fact, detectives had
turned up dozens of young victims.
And that meant Epstein was able
to abuse and traffic hundreds of girls and young women for another decade
before he was stopped.
105. And if you don’t know, because
you only listen to MAGA-friendly news, Acosta was a member of Trump’s
cabinet during his first term – as Secretary of Labor, and when he had to
resign after the story of the Sweet Epstein Plea Deal broke, Trump never uttered
a syllable against the man.
Trump 45 with Mr. Acosta.
106. Plus, the story of that
Deal was broken by the free press, in the form of Julie K. Brown
of the Miami Herald, and anyone who thinks that reporters are “Enemies
of the People” is someone no sentient American should trust.
107. Also, we should fear
powerful individuals who call reporters “scum.” (See: #21.)
108. Then, weirdly, Donald
Dumpling told reporters in the summer of 2025 that he hadn’t really thought
about a pardon for Ghilsaine Maxwell, the woman who aided and abetted Epstein’s
crimes at every step along his tortuous path, and who was by that time serving
twenty years behind bars.
But sure, he added helpfully, “I’m allowed to do it.”
109. Which would be true, sadly,
if he had something he really wanted to cover up.
110. And at another point,
Donald said he wished Ghislaine “well,” whereas he had had loads of fun
trashing cabinet members like Gen. James Mattis, his first Secretary of Defense,
when Mattis stepped down from his post.
111. But not Alex Acosta. Alex
was the best!
112. In fact, Donald has never
said an unkind word about Ghislaine Maxwell, either, despite her
decades-long history of crimes.
113. Then, in June 2025, Newsmaxannounced that it was adding Mr. Acosta to its Board
of Directors, which smelled more than a little fishy to me.
114. They couldn’t add Epstein,
of course, because he was dead.
115. And who was Florida’s Attorney General, in
2018, when the Herald broke the true story of the sweet Epstein Deal –
and who could have reopened a state case, had she been so inclined?
116. You will never guess.
117.
Okay, it was Pam Bondi herself, now suddenly (as of April 2, 2026), the
former Attorney General of the United States! So you could even say that AG
Bondi has been fooled, and she’s out with the baby and the bath water and the
kitchen sink, all gone, kit and kaboodle, lock, stock and barrel.
Kaput.
118. The
fools were fooled and fooled again, and again, and again. Remember when Bondi
said in February 2025, that she had a list of Epstein’s clientssitting right there on her desk? Why,
if you closed your MAGA peepers you could almost see it … and see all those
Democrats’ names on that list.
All Pam had
to do was reach out and touch it …
119. And Pam invited a bunch of
right-wing podcaster and influencer fools to the White House and gave them impressive binders full of evidence that
could be used to blow the lid off the Epstein coverup.
120. And they were so proud!
They waved those binders under the noses of the “Fake New” folks.
Justice was coming and evildoers
would pay, and the podcasters and influencers of this strange world would lead
the way.
121. And one lucky influencer
known as “DCDraino” (get it) was so stoked with his binder full of evidence that he
announced on X, “This is the most transparent administration in American
history.”
122. Then AG Bondi announced she
didn’t really have a list – well, maybe a grocery list – and everyone, but
especially Donald J. Trump, was innocent, and go back to sleep my MAGA friends.
Look how happy they were with their binders full of nothing.
123. Then Donald spent months
trying to block release of any of the Epstein Files. Suddenly, he was a
fan of zero files being released.
124. Then Team Bondi went 0
for 2025, when it came to making Epstein client arrests, and started this
year off wrong by going 0 for January, 0 for February, and 0 for March.
125. And now she’s out and Todd
Blanche, whose old job was serving as Trump’s personal defense lawyer, is going
to be Acting Attorney General.
126. And Todd once defended
Donald in a case where Donald was convicted on 34 felony counts.
127. So, you might go out on a
limb and argue that he would not be the best choice to lead the Department of
Justice.
Or even a Boy Scout troop.
Blanche has already said it's time to move on from the Epstein Files.
128. Then again, Donald’s first choice for Attorney General, to start his second
term was former Congressman Matt Gaetz. And Gaetz was a “former” lawmaker
because a House investigation had shown that he paid prostitutes to have sex
with him and his rich friends, and that included at least one minor.
129. Nor should we forget that Ghislaine
Maxwell was moved from a prison for hard-ass criminals after Todd
Blanche interviewed her last summer, and now she’s in a facility where she can
pet kittens, and ask for meals to be brought to her cell. You could pole vault
out of the place, if you only had a pole and got a running start.
Maxwell's new prison is set up like a campus.
130. And, if you forgot,
Ghislaine told Todd that she never saw Donald do anything terrible – why that Orange
Saint would never grab pussy, even if he once bragged that he could if he liked,
and, wouldn’t it be nice if the President of the United States, that same
Donald J. Trump, would consider commuting her sentence and letting her out of jail
early. Like nineteen years.
131. We need to wrap this list
up before any readers kill themselves; but speaking of fools, even former
Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Kristi Noem found out this
week that she had been fooled.
132. First, she was fooled into
spending $220 million (of taxpayers’ monies) into making movies
about what DHS does – mostly featuring herself, as, for example, riding a horse
named Deficit Spending.
133. Okay, I made that name up.
Kristi was so happy on her horse.
134. But I am not making this
up. Kristi spent $3,781 on hair and makeup services, to make sure she looked
good, and another $20,000 to rent horses to make herself look kind of Cowgirl
Cool.
135. So, taxpayers, both MAGA
and non-MAGA types, were the fools who paid taxes and the butts of that April
Fools’ joke.
136. Even better, if you were
Kristi Noem, a fat chunk of that pile of loot, $143 million to be exact, went into a no-bid contract to
Safe America Media, which had been incorporated a mere eight days before.
And that contract was most likely a front to ensure that a big payoff went to
some of Kristi’s closest friends.
Also, maybe for extra oats for
the horses.
137. Then Kristi got blindsided
to end the month when her husband Bryon was exposed for having dressed up as a woman and interacted with
“bimbofication” models online. That is, women who uses various tricks to create
gigantic boobs, which they can show off for profit and fun.
139. And HHS Secretary Robert F.
Kennedy Jr. (true: A Democrat), who documented his affairs with 37 women, but somehow still seems like Donald’s
kind of guy.
(That guy loves liver.)
140. And Donald, of course, lying
to all his wives, and grabbing the proverbial pussy every time he had
the chance.
141. And yet, the Evangelicals
loved Donald and posted pictures of Jesus having Donald’s back.
142. And to put it bluntly,
questioning in front of a congressional panel seemed to show that Kristi had a f**k
buddy, Corey Lewandowski, who worked under her at DHS, and they were riding
around on an expensive new DHS jet that had a bedroom in back.
143. Then we learned (unless we
were still being fooled), that DHS had paid another $200 million for those two
flying bedrooms where Kristi and Corey could have sex.
144. For real. I don’t make this
shit up.
145. So, if you were not a walking,
talking fool, and you considered the backgrounds of people like Acosta, and
Gaetz, and Blanche, and Kristi and Corey, you started to wonder what kind of
person would hire such people to enforce the laws.
146. Well, it was him:
His followers think Donald is Jesus.
Sadly, the fooling has continued
day in, day out, and the fooled continue not to have a whiff of a clue. For
instance, Donald promised that tariff costs would not be passed on to U.S.
importers and consumers.
And his silly fans believed.
147. Donald promised that tariff
money would reduce the federal deficit, while at the same time we would all get
$2,000 tariff rebate checks. It was kind of Miracle Math again, spending
the same dollars twice.
148. Even better, tariffs could be used to “substantially reduce” the
income tax! So he spent the imaginary windfall a third time.
149. And Donald fooled himself.
He believed in his own nonsense, which made it all much worse.
150. In fact, Donald often fooled
himself – as when he first decided he deserved the Nobel Peace Prize during his
first term in office. Remember? Donald made friends with Kim Jong-un and claimed the North Koreans were going to hand over all
their nukes!
152. Six years later, Kim still hasn’t
coughed up even one single nuke, and the North Koreans continue to build their arsenal.
153. So, April Fools,’ we bombed
Iran, instead.
The first time Trump said he deserved the Nobel Peace Prize.
North Korea was going to give him all the nukes.
154. Then Donald started
demanding that comedians be fired and his fooled fans didn’t blanche.
155. Then Donald and Donald’s
choice for head of the Federal Communications Commission started talking about taking licenses away from broadcasters who kept
running stories to make Donald look bad.
For example, stories saying that
the Iran War was not going exactly as planned. (See: #13-17, above.)
156. And the MAGA fools still
didn’t blanche. It was like they were too f**king deluded to realize how every
president from this time forward could stifle the free press, if Donald got
away with this dangerous twist.
Then we’d be eternally screwed.
Stirring
up hate works – and Donald knows it works.
157. And every time reporters
wrote stories that Donald didn’t like, he called them “Enemies of the People,” and
I thought my MAGA friends might cringe.
158. And they did not.
159. And what about all that bonus
hate Donald has spread? Did the fools really believe that Haitian immigrants were
eating the pets?
160. When Donald called Somali
immigrants “garbage,” were the faithful fooled again? Or, in that case, was
old-fashioned racism merely alive and well?
161. And how was it possible
that the fools didn’t sniff this one out – when Donald complained that immigrants
today don’t come from cool countries like Norway, Sweden, and Denmark (hint:
white immigrants), but from “shithole countries” like Niger and Nigeria and
Somalia (hint: non-white immigrants).
162. In fact, how was it
possible that the fools believed, back in 2018, when Donald said he never called countries
“shitholes,” because he had a black friend – maybe Bill Cosby – or did they
just not care if they got fooled?
And now, he just told a rally
crowd that he did. And he sounded proud. And he was even
strangely amused.
163. That asshole was telling
his fans that he lied – and they still missed the glaring truth. That the man
is a lying machine.
164. Of course, all demagogues
know that you can fool people if you blind them with hate. Now we have the
latest variant from Mr. Trump and his fans. That is, all Muslims in America,
all four million plus, want to kill us non-Muslim folks.
165. If you walk past a Muslim in
Costco, they are not there to stock up on pretzels and chips. They are planning
to follow you around and when you pick up a giant box of Cheerios, they will slit
your throat, and you will bleed out right there in Aisle 38.
166. Also, we are all going to
have to follow Sharia law soon – as soon as those four million Muslim Americans
take control from the other 326 million of us. See, for example, the GOP
candidate for governor of Florida scaring the dopes. And the other Republican, from
Texas, bashing Islam, and suggesting we need to deport 100 million people, which would mean deporting
roughly 86 million U.S. citizens for fun.
167.And this fear mongering has fueled
the kind of irrational hate demagogues love to stir up, and other Republican politicians
have added to the cacophony and suggested that Muslim Americans don’t
deserve religious freedom and should be kicked out of the United States.
168. I sorry to say this to the
poor fools who keep getting fooled, but I remember my American history, and it
seems like it’s 1854, again, when the Know Nothing Party decided that Irish
immigrants (read: Catholic) were going to ruin the United States.
169. And I know what happened in
1942, when we locked up 110,000 Japanese Americans (most of them citizens with
the same rights as you or me) because they looked like people three
thousand miles away who bombed Pearl Harbor. And our parents and grandparents gave
in to hate and fear, and were fooled back then, themselves.
An internment camp for Japanese Americans - 1942.
170. And I believe it’s probably
100% true (or 1500% if we use Miracle Math) that Congressman Andy Ogles, who says
Muslims don’t belong in American society, has never heard of the 442nd Regimental Combat Team, an all-Japanese
American infantry unit that won more medals than any other American unit
in World War II.
Because Andy is a hater, just
like Donald J. Trump, and would have been one of the people who called those
Japanese Americans “rats” back in the day.
171. And I’ll be damned!
172. The MAGA faithful still don’t
recognize all the threats, religious, speech, press, and otherwise, that Donald
and his toadies have made to the First Amendment, the most important amendment
of all.
Save the
women and children and billionaires first.
173. If you’re trying to be a
demagogue, you must fool your fans into thinking your political foes don’t just
disagree with your tax policies. No. You must label them “radical left
lunatics.”
174. And the lesser fearmongers must
follow the lead and label everyone they don’t like “communists” and pray the
fools can be stirred to hate and fear.
175. In reality, of course, most
of us who vote blue believe if the billionaire class keeps piling up
billions, then tax policies aren’t really killing the rich.
Because they’re still
billionaires.
175. And those of us who vote
blue aren’t really socialists or communists. (Although a minute portion of Americans are.) We just
think all Americans should have affordable healthcare coverage – and if not
that, children at least.
176. And we hope to see the
Republican healthcare plan real soon…
177. But we are definitely not
going to hold our breath.
178. Indeed, there’s no reason
to be afraid, my dear, so easily duped MAGA friends. The commies aren’t hiding
under your beds.
179. Consider a few actual
numbers, regarding the imaginary commie/socialist threat. In 2024, the
presidential candidate from the Party for Socialism and Liberation got 165,191
votes – missing out on the win by a mere 77 million.
180. And the American Socialist
Party got another 41,853 votes, missing out on the win by even more.
181. And the Socialist Equality
Party “piled up” 4,650 votes. And another socialist candidate for president,
Rachel Fruit, had 4,118 votes.
182, And Lucifer Everyone, an
unaffiliated choice for Oval Office fame, got 2,653, but that’s kind of beside
the point, I admit.
183. And the Prohibition Party,
running on a platform first made popular in 1919, had 1,144 votes.
184. And, finally, I cannot
resist mentioning my absolute favorite candidate, the man who garnered
widespread support – to the tune of 914 votes, your choice for President of the
United States: Mr. Vermin Supreme.
185. Really. That was his name.
186. I am afraid President Trump
might hear about the man and make him his next choice to head the F.B.I.
187. So, my poor dear fools, you
who are so regularly played for chumps, while you were worried sick about the commies,
the Billionaire Class was busy buying the kind of government they wanted to
have.
188. For instance, you had Elon
Musk spending $277 million during the 2024 campaign to get
the kind of people he wanted elected to office. Such as candidates who would
always fight to keep the government from raising taxes on people like… You and
me …
189. Ha, ha. No. On people like
Elon, and Elon’s poorer brother Kimbal, who isn’t worth even multiple billions,
so that when they go out for burgers, Kimbal always tries to make Elon pick up
the tab.
And then Elon gets mad and says,
“What do you think I am, a trillionaire?”
(Well, maybe someday, right.)
190. And bear with me a little
longer, while I point out that people like Elon and Kimbal, and Donald J.
Trump, and other billionaires like Steve Tisch, and Leon Black, and Bill Gates filled the pages of the Epstein Files.
191. And someone whose initials
are DJT wanted you to ignore those Files and keep focused on the pet-eating
immigrants, and the Muslim Americans who wanted to slit your throats.
192. Which, now that I think of
it, is just a fresh spin on the Mexican “rapists” and “murderers” so
popular in 2015.
193. In fact, you should think
about what Lord Acton once said: “Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts
absolutely.” Today, instead of kings who could order executioners to chop off their
enemies’ heads, we have Fat Cats who can use their “money power” to shape a
government they love.
194. Sadly, the fooling is working
so well that we know there’s no way Donald will ever quit. For example, you can
win voter support by warning that the Democratic Communist Transgender Lunatic Party
is turning all our young men into sissies, just because that evil party is pushing
a “woke” agenda, and making fun of real macho, MAGA studs.
195. Plus, you can scare people
by claiming that public school teachers hate America and all they want
to do is teach children about slavery and make white kids ashamed of their own
skin.
196. So, I will say, report on
my experience, since I taught about slavery, which is part of our nation’s
history (and not a good part), and I’m white. I never owned slaves. So, if I
hear about slavery (or teach about it) I’m not making anyone feel shame, nor am
I feeling any shame myself.
197. One of my ancestors (also
named John Viall), who died in 1686, did own six slaves. But that’s on
him.
198. That John and a bunch of my
other ancestors were Puritans – the folks who hanged witches at Salem in 1692. But
I had nothing to do with that, either.
So, I’m cool.
199. And if you’re really scared
by the “woke agenda” I can tell you, I’m old enough to remember when the lives
of girls were severely circumscribed, and we’ve just been working over recent
decades to even up the options for both sexes, and (maybe) help out the trans
kids, too. Really, look up the rules. In girls’ 6-on-6 basketball, when I was a
boy, no player was allowed to run up and down the length of the court. Girls
were considered too delicate and weak.
200. Let me close with advice, if
you have been fooled and you believe your son is being turned into a wimp by
all the “woke” folks. I suggest you knock the cellphone out of the boy’s hands
and hit the video game console with a sledgehammer and tell the young man to
haul his ass outside and play in the dirt.
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