June 24, 2020: Farting Noises from the GOP

 

6/24/20: The coronavirus continues to spread to every corner of the land – and the president can’t get out of his own way. 

At his campaign rally in Tulsa, Saturday, he told adoring fans that Covid-19 testing was “a double-edged sword.” If you tested more, you found more evidence that the disease was spreading. 

If the disease was spreading, it made us look bad, compared to other countries, he added, “us” meaning Trump.

In Right-Wing Land George Floyd is still alive.

 

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“Knowledge comes from the most unusual places.” 

President Trump

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“I said to my people, ‘Slow the testing down please,’” the president announced. And the MAGA crowd cheered. 

But reality is a harsh place to spend your workdays if you’re a delusional fool, like President Trump. First, he took criticism, even from Republicans, for saying he told his people to slow down testing. 

Then multiple White House aides claimed Trump was only joking, or speaking “tongue in cheek.” 

Then Trump told a reporter from the Christian Broadcasting Network, that he wasn’t joking, because he doesn’t kid around. 

Then the New York City Marathon, the largest in the world, was canceled for this year. The coronavirus, don’t you know? 

Then there was talk among leaders of the European Union nations of banning travelers from the United States, until we get our act together. But we can’t get our act together, because our president is more focused on saving the statues of Confederate generals, than saving the lives of his own citizens from a deadly virus.

 

Today, he tweeted stupidly: 

Very sad to see States allowing roving gangs of wise guys, anarchists & looters, many of them having no idea what they are doing, indiscriminately ripping down our statues and monuments to the past. Some are great works of art, but all represent our History & Heritage, both...

 

....the good and the bad. It is important for us to understand and remember, even in turbulent and difficult times, and learn from them. Knowledge comes from the most unusual of places!

 

Books for example! Team Trump is now fighting hard to block Mary Trump, the president’s niece, from publishing a tell-all about Clan Narcissism.

 

As People magazine explains, her book, Too Much and Never Enough, will be, “according to her publisher, a ‘revelatory, authoritative portrait of Donald J. Trump and the toxic family that made him.’” The subtitle of the book: “How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man.”

 

That gives you a sense of why the president might not want the book to ever reach bookstore and library shelves.

 

Today, Robert Trump, his brother, filed a motion in court, claiming the book would violate a confidentiality agreement, signed by Mary Trump in 2001. According to her lawyers, however, that agreement covers only matters related to a fight over the president’s father’s will.

 

You have to imagine that President Trump is wishing his niece would fall into a bed of quicksand along with the original manuscript for her book. Mary has already admitted that she was behind the leak of some of Uncle Donald’s tax documents to The New York Times in May 2019.

 

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IN OTHER NEWS, the House Judiciary Committee hears testimony (or tries to) from several important witnesses. The consensus: President Trump is a threat to the rule of law and the country.

 

As expected, Department of Justice lawyer Aaron Zelinsky accuses Attorney General Bill Barr of protecting Roger Stone, an ally of the president, from a much harsher sentencing recommendation – and of other efforts to bend the rule of law.

 

When former Deputy Attorney General Donald Ayer calls Barr “the greatest threat in my lifetime to our rule of law” he goes over his allotted time of five minute for an opening statement.

 

Rep. Lou “Knucklehead” Gohmert decides to intervene. Not because Barr might be a grave threat to the rule of law.

 

Nope. He’s upset that Ayer has gone over his time. Lou starts tapping his desk loudly, like a petulant child. The chairman calls for order. Lou keeps tapping loudly, making it hard for anyone else to hear. “Well, he’s way beyond his time,” Gohmert says by way of a toddler-style explanation. “And if there’s no rules about when you can talk, there’s no rules about when you can make noise.”

 

No one would have been surprised if Gohmert had started farting loudly – and considering Gohmert’s contributions to the proceedings, farting would have been more useful. You can listen to Lou rap-tap-tap in this clip from Yahoo News if you like. Or you can listen to this recording of fart noises, instead.

 

Both are equally edifying.

 

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SPEAKING OF FARTING NOISES, today we learn that Winnie Heartstrong, a GOP candidate for a seat in Congress, has put out a 23-page document explaining how the tape of George Floyd being killed was a “false flag.”

 

(In late May, Heartsong appeared in a video, claiming that Floyd was still alive.)

 

You can read more about her claims in The Daily Beast, but why bother. Cue the farting noises.