April 1, 2021: Tucker Carlson Can't Tell the Difference between Hotels and Internment Camps

 

April 1, 2021: Here’s your joke for today. A state legislature decides to ban yoga in gym class in public schools because practicing yoga might lead good Christian students to turn to…Hinduism! 

No, wait. That’s true. 

The Alabama legislature first passed the ban against pagan flexibility twenty-eight years ago. In this period of great stress for all of us, including students, a move was afoot to allow yoga in grades K-12. 

But no. That move has now been halted.

 

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I do not earn millions annually ginning up fear and outrage to support a certain kind of Fox-approved political agenda.

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This is a hotel.

  

YESTERDAY, our topic was “creepiness.” Today, our topic is April fools. Which reminds me. Tucker Carlson was fired up again last night. 

He wanted to warn viewers that Canada was taking steps toward “legitimately dangerous authoritarianism.” How so? The Trudeau government was advising Canadian citizens and other travelers that they would have to be tested for COVID-19 if they intended to fly to that country. If they tested positive, they’d have to quarantine immediately in designated government facilities. “This is not optional,” Prime Minister Trudeau explained on Twitter. Even those testing negative would have to quarantine for three days.

That was it for Carlson! 

Trudeau, he warned, was creating “internment camps.” For…fourteen days? Maybe just three????

 

Somehow, I was not getting the feeling Tucker was getting, because I do not earn millions annually ginning up fear and outrage to support a certain kind of Fox-approved political agenda. 

Instead, as a former history teacher, when I thought about dangerous authoritarianism and internment camps, I found myself conjuring up Nazi gas chambers. I thought about barbed-wire prisons for Japanese Americans in 1942, frostbitten prisoners in frozen Siberian wastelands in the Soviet Union, and North Korea’s starvation of political prisoners today. 

Not Carlson, Carlson was outraged. He wanted fans to be outraged, too. “Suddenly,” he continued, “Canada is a flagrant violator of the most basic human rights” in the world. He compared Trudeau to Mussolini. He threw in an attack on liberalism. He managed to squeeze in a snide remark about “identity politics.” He grimaced and predicted that in these camps there would be “shortages of food and water, you could be sexually assaulted.” Eventually, he wondered: Would the U.S. consider internment camps if Dr. Fauci suggested the same?

 

I decide to check out these Canadian “internment camps.” It turns out we’re talking “government-authorized hotels.” Travelers must make their own quarantine plans, which may include staying in places of their own choosing, so long as their plans meet certain requirements. 

For example, many Canadians could make plans to quarantine…in their own…homes. Oh, the inhumanity. 

You must also submit your plan to ArriveCan before entering or re-entering the country. So, if you feared a shortage of food, you might bring along fourteen packages of Oreos in your carry-on luggage. Or your plan could be to have room service bring food to your door if you were in one of the authorized hotels. 

To avoid shortages of water, you should not plan to stay at authorized hotels or other places of your choosing unless they had…. 

Indoor plumbing. 

In other words, Tucker was being Tucker. 

A giant ass.

This is an internment camp.

 

(Other recent Carlson horror stories include President Biden’s “fake” loving marriage; President Biden’s junkyard dog; the “cancel culture” attack on Dr. Seuss, transgender individuals invading girls’ sports, and a female reporter from The New York Times writing about her experience with online harassment. That last horror story took Tucker two entire shows to work out of his system.)