January 3, 2019: Trump Brags about Avoiding War He almost Caused

 

1/3/19: The president wakes early, stretches his 6' 2" or 6' 3" frame (see: 5/2/18), wiggles his toes and ponders his busy schedule (executive playtime till 11:00 a.m. and no public events scheduled all day). Finally, he rises from bed and lumbers to the bathroom. There, he puts paste on his toothbrush and gazes fondly at his reflection in the mirror. His reflection gazes back (fondly) and both Trumps think: “We look great, great hairdo, beautiful orange tint, sexy, saggy skin.” (See: 2/2/19.) 

 

A “big, fat war in Asia.” 

Trump eats breakfast, watches Fox News, and plays around with his iPhone until playtime ends. (See: 2/3/19.) 

Unfortunately, at 11:00 top aides and cabinet members expect him to do something besides tweet. The president does have sweet letters from Kim Jong-un, the murderous despot in charge of North Korea’s repressive regime. Sources say he loves to show them to White House visitors, fanning them out on his Oval Office desk like a diplomatic straight flush for all to see. Trump has just received what he says is another “great letter” from Kim, who tells him that they should get together soon. 

XOXO. 

The president is proud, because he tells everyone that if he hadn’t been such a fantastic leader there would have been a “big, fat war in Asia.” Some lunatic had threatened the North Koreans with “fire and fury” and “destruction like no one had ever seen,” and, oh, wait, that was himself. 

Well, then, let’s see what else we can find in the news and see how the president is doing. The federal government remains in a partial shutdown on Day 13. The guy who said he’d be “proud” to own it, is now insisting the Democrats own it instead, and whoever said, no, this is going to be President Trump’s baby to burp told a foul lie. Diplomacy may be hard (to be fair it’s hard for every president – and it’s just that Trump is different because he needs to constantly brag about how great he is). But there’s always the Midas touch he brings to the art of governing – the booming job numbers – the fabulous tax cuts – and the soaring Dow-Jones. 

Curses! 

Before the day is over, the Dow sheds another 660 points, extending heavy losses from the end of last year.

 

Well, then, the tax cuts! Those are great – and they’re not going to add to the deficit, because… 

Damn! Trump took over in January 2017, insisting he could wipe out the deficit (just under $19 trillion at the time) if voters would give him eight years. Now he’s down to six left to get the job done. The U.S. Treasury Department announces that the federal deficit has ballooned to $21,974,000,000 in two years, with the “fiscally responsible” Republicans in complete control. 

Let me check my math. 

(Sound of calculator buttons being tapped.) 

Yeah, the deficit is NOT going down. 

You can check out the National Debt Clock for fun and watch the debt rise by $1 million, every 30 seconds. (Boy, I remember when Republicans used to love to watch that clock and blame every blink on President Obama.)