February 10, 2019: President Trump Thinks 42 Million People Are Headed for the Border - Because Trump Is a Dunce

 

2/10/19: It looks like we’re going to have to deploy the entire U.S. military to defend the border with Mexico. That includes sending the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan steaming up the Rio Grande. 

Drastic measures are required. So send that aircraft carrier plowing up the river mud at all costs. 

President Trump is convinced, based on a hypothetical example in an opinion piece written for the Gallup organization, that we’re about to be overrun by a caravan. A really big caravan! The biggest caravan of rapists and murders and Middle Eastern terrorists with fake Spanish accents, ever!

 

REALLY F’N BIG!!!!

 

Sunday morning, the president actually tweeted: “Gallup Poll: ‘Open Borders will potentially attract 42 million Latin Americans.’ This would be a disaster for the U.S. We need the Wall now!”  

This is the second time in two weeks that the president flipped out after seeing scary numbers in the news, numbers that turned out, on second glance, to be way less scary. (See his panic in regard to illegal immigrants voting in Texas: 1/29/19. See the much-reduced reason for panic: 1/31/19.) 

Looking at this latest tweet, I did what any sensible person would do, assuming a sensible person was seated in the Oval Office and not tweeting stupid crap. I checked the source. Jim Clifton, the CEO of the Gallup organization, wrote an opinion piece based on recent Gallup polling. Researchers, he explained, posed the following question to a sampling of people living in Central America: “Would you like to move to another country permanently if you could?”

 

Anyway, here’s the terrifying math – assuming you’re too dumb to think for yourself. Mr. Clifton notes that there are 450 million people in Central America. And 27% say they would like to move permanently to a new country. That means, as the president would have us believe, that 121,500,000 already have their bags packed. Of that number who already have their socks and underwear picked out for the trip, 35% said they’d head for the United States. 

 

Forty-three million Latinos heading our way! 

When we do the Trump Math, we learn that this means 42,525,000 could be heading our way this afternoon. If not sooner. We should round up and make it even scarier! There are 43 million on the way!!! 

This would make sense if we took answers to hypothetical questions literally. For example: Would you like to be able to fly like a bird? Yes, most people would probably say. That does not mean those respondents are going to start throwing themselves off ten-story buildings anytime soon. 

Or you might ask unmarried men: Would you like to date a super model? I think 97% would answer, “Yes.” That doesn’t mean millions of bachelors are going to be making Saturday night dinner reservations for two.

Hypothetically, most men would like to date super models.

(It ain't happening, though.)

 

In terms of scary immigration figures, in the past eight years, three million individuals, total, have been apprehended trying to illegally cross the southern border. That’s less than 400,000 per year, not quite the hordes Trump warns us will soon be hammering at our gates.