5/13/21: Tomorrow is supposed to be The Big Day! Cyber Ninjas will finish the recount of all 2.1 million ballots in Maricopa County, Arizona, home to Phoenix and two-thirds of that state’s entire vote. That recount began in mid-April and has already taken longer than predicted. No sweat, though. Legions of dead voters will be revealed tomorrow. Behind every cactus will be exposed a Democratic mastermind of voter fraud. The computers will prove to have been rigged and to have turned every vote for Donald J. Trump into a vote for the Easter Bunny. Write-in ballots for Trump will have been altered to read “Donald Fucking Trump.”
The crookery
will boggle QAnon minds.
BLOGGER’S NOTE, 1/6/21: Okay, May 14 came and went. Cyber Ninjas wasn’t
even close to done with the recount.
At the time, one of sixteen Republican state senators who supported the
audit, Sen. Paul Boyer, expressed his disgust. “It makes us look like idiots. Looking back, I
didn’t think it would be this ridiculous. It’s embarrassing to be a state
senator at this point.”
No problem, Ken
Bennett, liaison between the Arizona Senate and Cyber Ninjas said. He told reporters
the recount should be finished by the end of June! No sweat.
Months passed. No
sweat!!!
On January 6,
2022, facing a $50,000 per day fine for failing to turn over records requested
by The Arizona Republican, Cyber Ninjas is
blown to bits. Founder and CEO Doug Logan lays off his last four employees,
down from eight when the recount began. He announces he is closing his doors.
He says he lost $2.1 million conducting the audit and didn’t have the money to
pay the fines. Plus, it would have taken hundreds of hours to gather the
materials needed to satisfy the Republican’s Freedom of Information
request.
(As opposed to the
countless hours, at that point, wasted on a quixotic quest to prove that
triangle you are staring at is really a circle.)
The Arizona Senate
says it won’t pay for any costs outside of the $150,000 contract
it agreed to originally.
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