March 18, 2021: You Say "Ballots," I Say "Shallots"

 

3/18/21: If you binge on news, like this obsessive blogger, you may remember Richard Hopkins. 

Right-wing news couldn’t get enough of Richard. Richard drove a truck for the United States Postal Service. For a few weeks, leading up to the November election. Said he had been asked to deliver strange boxes of mail. Thought: Hey, I bet these are full of fake ballots! 

Hopkins, seen here, with a real phone.

Right-wingers congratulated themselves. The steal had been discovered!! Trump was orgasmic. 

(Not really an image I want to have in my head.)

 

Hopkins claimed that he had heard his postmaster talking about backdating ballots received late and counting them as valid. He signed a sworn statement. He washed up on television, as I recall; because I remember watching and thinking his story was fishy. Sen. Lindsey Graham cited Hopkins’ claim as proof that the Orange God had been cheated out of a second term in the White House. 

The Department of Justice opened an investigation. Then, what do you know! Hopkins recanted. He admitted he hadn’t heard a conversation about ballots. (Maybe, shallots?) According to federal agents, when grilled, the creative mailman “revised his initial claims, eventually stating that he had not heard a conversation about ballots at all — rather he saw the Postmaster and Supervisor having a discussion and assumed it was about fraudulent ballot backdating,” the report states. 

I am therefore going to make a similar kind of assumption. I once saw two mailmen talking at the post office, and I think they were talking about mailing tuna fish sandwiches to Joe Biden. 

Tell me I’m wrong!

 

When the Washington Post asked Sen. Graham’s office if he would like to comment, aides said he would not, and (again, I am assuming), added that he was too busy eating a tuna fish sandwich.