April 25, 2021: The Commies Are Coming for Your Steak Sauce

 

4/25/21: Lest we forget, Rejected-President Trump could be a dick on any topic you might choose, including nursery rhymes and recipes for pie. 

In the early months of his presidency, he blamed President Obama for an increase in drug overdose deaths. He claimed his predecessor “ignored” the crisis. “So they looked at this scourge and they let it go by,” Don bragged, “and we’re not letting it go by.” As a garnish on his dickishness, Trump delivered his attack from the comfort of Trump National Golf Course. 

Do we all remember his attacks on Golfing Obama?

 

So, what happened with Trump at the helm? According to CDC, the U.S. set a record in 2020. The nation suffered 87,000 drug overdose deaths, with Trump steering the ship of state – and also trying to run it into the rocks on January 6. It would be stupid, really, to blame all those deaths on Trump. Just remember, he did blame all those previous overdose deaths on his predecessor. 

Because he’s a dick.

 

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AMERICANS might be dying left and right from drug overdoses, and COVID-19, but you cannot put anything past the Republicans. They are in full freak out mode. Joe Biden is coming for the hamburgers. 

Any attempt to address climate change (which Republicans insist isn’t real, but scientists insist is) will mean that red-blooded American will never be able to visit Wendy’s again.

That means the nuts are out in force. Rep. Lauren Boebert warns her Twitter followers that if Biden has his way, we’ll all be limited to four pounds of beef per year (an imaginary threat so stupid only really stupid people could believe it).

 

You had to figure the Space Laser Lady would check in, and Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene did. “Why doesn’t Joe stay out of my kitchen?” she fumed, almost as if the president were watching as she boiled a pot of spaghetti. 

With extra meatballs, probably, for her. 

Idaho’s Republican governor came up with what he no doubt thought was a clever line, saying, “Idahoans also have a beef with this agenda and for dinner.” 

And Gov. Greg Abbott assured the people of his state, “Not gonna’ happen in Texas.” 

Fox News viewers got a steady diet (bad pun) of scary stories, and Sean Hannity claimed liberals had a plan to confiscate the A-1 Sauce. 

(Okay, I made that last one up.) 

 

All we need now is a cool, right-wing kind of bumper sticker, reminiscent of those bumper stickers regarding guns. Something like: YOU CAN PRY MY COLD DEAD HANDS OFF MY CHEESEBURGER AFTER I BLOW YOUR COMMIE HEAD OFF WITH MY AR-15.