August 12-15, 2017: President Trump Steps on His Own D**k - Sees Good People on Both Sides at Charlottesville

 

8/12/17: Who’s worried about a nuclear holocaust! Not President Trump! Taking time out from a busy schedule, he calls Governor Eddie Calvo of Guam and offers reassurance (sort of). North Korea has threatened to bracket the island with long-range missiles to prove its strike capability. Trump tells Calvo not to sweat. “We are with you 1000 percent…. Don’t worry about a thing.” 

Our clueless commander-in-chief congratulates the governor for “becoming extremely famous….All over the world they’re talking about Guam.” 

“Tourism…” Trump continues in his inimitable, tone-deaf style, “I can say this…you’re going to go up ten-fold, with the expenditure of no money….It just looks like a beautiful place.”  

Sadly, the island won’t look like a beautiful place if it suffers a direct hit from a nuclear weapon.

 

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CLOSER TO HOME, a march in Charlottesville, Virginia, involving neo-Nazis and Ku Klux Klan types turns violent.  

 

Blame on both sides. 

One of the marchers, a 20-year-old from Ohio, decides to prove his love for the white race by plowing his 2015 Dodge Charger into a crowd of counter-protesters. Nineteen are injured, five critically. Heather Heyer, 32, is killed.  

At her funeral, her father will say she was there to protest peacefully and “to put down hate.” 

In his first comments on the tragedy, Trump makes it crystal clear he can see equal blame on “both sides.” Pretty much everyone in America (not counting professional bigots) is stunned by his stance.

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8/13/17: Chastened by a firestorm of negative reaction to his “both sides” comment, the president refrains from tweeting for an entire day. He does provide links to tweets by others, including one from the Governor of Guam. 

The Governor says he has never felt safer than he does now, with Trump “at the helm.” (See: 8/11/17.)

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8/14/17: Trump continues to take heat for his response to Charlottesville. Aides convince him to try a do-over. 

All they ask is that he read a prepared statement without going off the rails. “As Americans, we condemn the recent violence in Charlottesville and oppose hatred, bigotry, and racism in all forms,” he reads, looking like a schoolboy reciting a story about why he should not grab female classmates in inappropriate places. 

He finishes with a flourish: 

No matter the color of our skin or our ethnic heritage, we all live under the same laws, we all salute the same great flag, and we are all made by the same almighty God. 

 

We are a Nation founded on the truth that all of us are created equal. As one people, let us move forward to rediscover the bonds of love and loyalty that bring us together as Americans.

 

Mission Accomplished. Trump sounds like an actual president. (See: 8/15/17.)

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8/15/17: Okay: Mission not Accomplished.  

In the Marine Corps we had a saying about people who f**ked up needlessly. “He stepped on his own dick,” we’d say. 

 

Somebody should shoot the president with a tranquilizer dart! 

Trump does just that in a wild, unscripted exchange in the lobby of Trump Tower. The president is there to talk about a plan to spend heavily on infrastructure. He even has a cool chart that aides want him to display. 

Aides don’t expect him to take questions. He does. Before anyone can shoot him with a tranquilizer dart, he goes rogue. 

He’s mad about Charlottesville – but not because a young lady was killed and nineteen injured. He’s mad because the press is mean. He insists he waited to condemn the neo-Nazis until he “had all the facts.” 

Okay, let’s see what he does with those facts. Asked about the “alt-right,” and whether he condemns them, Trump replies combatively. He demands that the reporter who asked the question, define what “alt-right” means. 

Trump still can’t admit these groups are different. “What about the alt-left that came charging at the, as you say, the alt-right,” he adds angrily. Then he launches into an elaborate defense of hate groups who, in his view, were unfairly attacked. He even points out that the “alt-left” groups (a term he just made up) lacked a permit. Those neo-Nazis, boy, what solid citizens. 

They had a parade permit!