January 28, 2022: We All Fall Down...

1/28/22: President Biden heads to Pittsburgh, the “City of Bridges,” to discuss the nation’s crumbling infrastructure. 

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“It is not our role to lend legitimacy to such transparent and untimely efforts to subvert the will of Pennsylvania voters.” 

Justice David Wecht, Pennsylvania Supreme Court

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There were 450 bridges in Pittsburgh when the president scheduled his visit. As of 6:45 a.m. this morning there are 449. A four-lane structure on Forbes Avenue collapses. Reasons unknown. Fortunately, schools were delayed due to heavy snow and traffic was unusually light. Ten people were injured, including four who went to the hospital, but no one was killed. 

Pittsburgh bridge collapses.

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene blamed “Sleepy Joe” for the collapse and claimed he used his “Death Stare” power to melt the girders. 

Rejected-President Trump, asked to comment, insisted, “Everyone knows I won the last election, and when I get back in office, I’m going to pardon every one of my supporters who has committed a crime in the last fifty years. Starting with all my kids, except the normal ones, Tiffany and Barron.” 

Sen. Mitch McConnell told reporters the collapse proved we need ginormous tax cuts for billionaires.

 

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IN OTHER NEWS, Trumplicans are thrilled to have won a court battle at last. They were 0 for 2020, and 0 for 2021, until this big, big win! Acting on a challenge by 14 Pennsylvania lawmakers who claimed Act 77, which established no-excuse mail-in balloting in the state, was unconstitutional, the Commonwealth Court ruled, 3-2, in their favor. Any change to voting procedures requires a change to the state constitution. So, the 14 were in essence challenging their own wins. 

Judge Mary Hannah Leavitt, a Republican who joined the majority, said that voting “requires the physical presence of the elector.” 

“That’s what I’ve been saying, for two years,” Loser Donald exploded – forgetting that he voted by mail in Florida, himself.

 

Before Republicans could pop the champaign corks, Pennsylvania’s Democratic attorney general filed an appeal to the state Supreme Court. That court had previously ruled that any challenge to Act 77 was too late. Both houses of the legislature had voted for the act in 2019. Both were controlled by Republicans – and Trump-loving lawmakers only got mad when the Orange God of Mar-a-Lago got thumped in the 2020 election. Justice David Wecht, of the Pennsylvania high court, had been clear in the earlier case, explaining the court’s decision:

 

Unsatisfied with the results of that wager [on new election rules, Republican lawmakers] would now flip over the table, scattering to the shadows the votes of millions of Pennsylvanians. It is not our role to lend legitimacy to such transparent and untimely efforts to subvert the will of Pennsylvania voters. Courts should not decide elections when the will of the voters is clear.

 

Asked to comment on how they managed to win their own elections, the 14 lawmakers who had challenged Act 77 again, claimed divine providence. They insisted no one on their side would ever cheat when it came to voting. 

“We’d just riot,” one explained. 

Neo-Nazi-leaning Trump aide Stephen Miller told reporters that this newest court decision proved his boss was still the real president, and Joe Biden would be expected to vacate the White House within 24 hours. Miller added that the Founding Fathers had it right in 1789, when they ratified the U.S. Constitution and allowed states to limit voting to white men who could meet certain property qualifications. “They didn’t vote by mail in those days,” he said with a leer. “They were too busy whipping slaves.” 

Miller also suggested it was time to bring back the 3/5^th’s clause, which would drastically reduce the Democrats’ advantage when it came to African American voters.

 

(I may be joking above, but the Founding Fathers did restrict voting in dramatic fashion. Trump did vote by mail, as did millions of other Floridians, in a state Loser Donald won. Somehow that was cool. As for Mr. Miller, he has repeatedly flirted with the neo-Nazi brand.)