Trump Fans: For $88.91 You Can Build that Wall

1/2/19: President Trump starts off 2019 with an approval rating, averaging all polls, of 42.9 percent.

Meanwhile, the partial government shutdown continues. Trump, who has never bothered to read the U.S. Constitution, learns that the “power of the purse” is vested in the House of Representatives. Rep. Nancy Pelosi, who will take over as Speaker of the House on January 3, says there’ll be no money for the wall. Trump wants $5.6 billion. Pelosi says she’s going to meet him halfway at $0.00.

I know—because I use Facebook—that my conservative friends are furious. As far as I can tell, their argument is that unless we build the wall immediately, dark-skinned immigrants will pour across the border and kill them all in their beds the moment the sun goes down. I keep arguing that if we really want to keep America safe, we should build a wall around all the drug companies that have spent the last decade claiming opioids are perfectly safe. My conservative friends only get angrier and insist liberals like me hate America.

So, to break the logjam, I do my civic duty. First, I send a thoughtful letter to the Mexican ambassador in Washington, D.C. I ask him to please pay for the wall, just as Candidate Trump promised Mexico would.

But we can’t wait! I don’t want to die in my bed tonight. And if I only get injured, say the immigrant merely cracks my skull, I will have to get a prescription for painkillers and then like tens of thousands of Americans annually, I might get addicted and die.

So I have a brilliant solution. President Trump is going to want me to join the cabinet when he hears this. He should order the IRS to add a special box to 1040 tax forms this year. Here’s how it will look:

□ I would like to pay an additional $88.91 in federal taxes, with that contribution going directly toward building the Great Wall of Trump.

If every Trump voter from 2016 kicks in that much—and I’m sure they all will, and some will even round up, because they don’t want to be killed—Donald J. Trump will have the $5.6 billion he wants and construction can begin at once.

Plus, Mexico will pay the United States back and the IRS will refund all contributions in the end.