January 1, 2019: Trump kicks off the New Year in the same fashion he ended the
last. That is, by acting like an ass. All he has to do to stay out of trouble,
is wish everyone, “Happy New Year,” and put Twitter to bed.
At 7:51 a.m. he blows it completely. In his
first tweet for 2019, he gives a shout out to Dr. Sebastian Gorka, a Fox News
regular. Gorka has written an actual book! Trump might actually read it—if
Gorka praises him highly enough. I am going to predict what the author says
without bothering to read it: “Liberals are despicable. They don’t love
America, but people on our side do! Obama wasn’t born in America—and he was a
Muslim, too. Hillary Clinton chained up little kids in a pizza parlor basement
and her 33,000 missing emails were all child pornography. You can’t trust the
government because that’s what liberals want—to rule your life.”
(Ironically, Gorka and his type think you can
trust the government completely now that Trump is in charge.)
Anyway, Trump is all for Gorka and “real
news,” defined as any news that covers him in syrupy praise.
His second tweet, at 8:28 a.m. is petty (no
surprise) and includes one of his trademarked attacks on the free press (no
surprise). To make sure no one misses his point, he puts it all in caps, the
written equivalent of shouting.
HE SHOUTS:
HAPPY NEW YEAR
TO EVERYONE, INCLUDING THE HATERS AND THE FAKE NEWS MEDIA! 2019 WILL BE A
FANTASTIC YEAR FOR THOSE NOT SUFFERING FROM TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME. JUST
CALM DOWN AND ENJOY THE RIDE, GREAT THINGS ARE HAPPENING FOR OUR COUNTRY!
Trump fans love that phrase, “Fake News,”
which the president used in 99 tweets in 2018 and 156 in 2017.
“Trump Derangement Syndrome,” is used much
less frequently, only three times in 2018, and not once in 2017.
So let me SHOUT BACK:
MR. PRESIDENT, YOU SEEM TO SUFFER FROM
MUELLER DERANGEMENT SYNDROME.
PLUS YOU SEEM TO ♥♥♥♥♥♥ PUTIN! PUTIN IS A KILLER, BY THE WAY.
AND THE SAUDIS…THEY MURDERED THAT JOURNALIST!
Sorry. I got a little carried away. At any
rate, Mr. President, did you see what the federal judge said to your boy, old
“Lock Her Up” Flynn?
The judge read the court documents, redacted so the rest of us
couldn’t see everything that was said—because Mueller is still hot on the trail—and
said to your first choice for National Security Advisor back in January 2017:
“Arguably, you sold your country out.”
Ooooops, sorry again. I’m not deranged, Mr.
President. I just hate people who sell this country out.
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| Donald + Vladimir, 4-Ever. |
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