January 5, 2018: President Trump Works His Magic, Traveling Back to the Past!

 

1/5/18: It’s official. The Greatest-Job-Creator-Ever, Donald J. Trump, watched in awe (of himself) as he turned the U.S. economy around in 2017 with no help from anyone else. 

He inherited a mess when he sat his chunky butt down in the Oval Office. Now he has added jobs for 87 months in a row, starting in October 2010. Trump went back in time and started adding jobs at a furious pace. He saved the country and his hair looked fabulous: 

Jobs added: 

2011    2,074,000

2012    2,176,000

2013    2,301,000

2014    3,004,000

2015    2,720,000

2016    2,341,000

2017    2,114,000

 

As the Bureau of Labor Statistics notes, fewer jobs were added this year than in any year since 2011. But you figure if Trump keeps firing White House aides who call him an “idiot,” “moron” or “f---ing moron,” he can recapture his mojo as the new year progresses.

Anyone ready for a swim? (Upper Tenmile Creek Mining Area Superfund site)

 

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TRUMP WASN’T SATISFIED just adding jobs in the past! He also made sure 2017 was the safest year in commercial airline history. Earlier this week he went to Twitter to save lives. “Since taking office,” he tap-tapped, “I have been very strict on Commercial Aviation. Good news – it was just reported that there were Zero deaths in 2017, the best and safest year on record!” 

Not a single commercial airline passenger died anywhere in the world in 2017. This was a first. Trump did that. Trump made sure no planes crashed in England or Ireland. Trump kept planes from plummeting to earth in Bulgaria, Botswana, and Bangladesh. If you were on a plane, flying to Moscow (not that anyone working for the Trump campaign ever did), Trump kept you aloft. 

It also turns out, Trump kept Americans safe in the past. He made sure no commercial airliner crashed and no passenger died on U.S. soil in 2014. He did it again in 2015. Wow. Then he pulled off a similar feat in 2016, even with that Kenyan guy working hard to make sure every plane went smash.

 

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WE ALSO LEARN that under Trump’s leadership, the E.P.A. cleaned up way more Superfund toxic waste sites. In 2016 only two sites were cleaned up and “delisted.” But this year? Seven! 

Seven were cleaned up!! 

Again, Fox News fans were treated to this fabulous news – real news, not “Fake News” – and did the right-wing math. Trump had cleaned up fifteen more sites than Obama the year before. 

Sadly, the “Fake News” folks at Time tried to throw shade on this achievement. They noted that the cleanup work done at those sites was finished before Donald J. Trump took office. They fakely pointed out that Scott Pruitt, Trump’s pick to head the E.P.A., was simply the one who officially delisted the sites. Then the hacks at Time lost their minds. Like Steve Bannon! 

That sloppy bastard! 

They failed to credit President Past-Present-and-Future with all the excellent work he had done during the years Obama was in the Oval Office, writing letters back home to Mombasa. During Obama’s two terms in the White House an average of ten superfund sites were cleaned up every year.

January 6, 2018: President Trump Ignores Science (Again), Erupts Over Book Fire and Fury

 

1/6/18: In case you missed it scientists declared 2017 the second hottest year, globally, since records have been compiled. (See: 12/28/17.) 

The four hottest years on record are 2016, 2017, 2015 and 2014. They are like “Melania Hot.”

Melania, in pre-First Lady days.

 

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MEANWHILE, Trump is outraged by all the negative comments in the new book, Fire and Fury. First, he goes after “Sloppy Steve” Bannon (who has offered the opinion that Don Jr. and Jared Kushner might be guilty of treason) and, if not, were “unpatriotic” for sure. 

Trump insists Bannon is a terrible person. He always knew Bannon was a bum. That’s why, on January 29, 2017, nine days after being sworn in, Trump placed Bannon on the National Security Council. At the same time, as reported by Time, Trump “streamlined” the NSC “by removing several officials, including the Director of National Intelligence and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.” 

While Bannon was sitting in on NSC meetings, General Flynn was doing noble service as National Security Advisor and giving Trump big, beautiful advice. That is, when he wasn’t busy secretly taking $530,000 to devote his efforts to working for the interests of the Turkish government. Flynn was soon fired after “Fake News” reporters revealed he had been lying to Vice President Jesus. Oddly enough, the White House knew about the lying for 18 days before letting the liar go – and Bannon got axed from the NSC only in April 2017. 

This proves the president has impeccable judgment.

December 16, 2019: Trump Wins a Big Award for the Fifth Year in a Row

 

12/16/19: The votes are in and Donald J. Trump, without help from any foreign country, has won for a fifth year in succession. Politifact, a non-profit fact-checking site, recognizes him for telling the “Lie of the Year.”

This year, his winning whopper, oft-repeated, was saying that the whistleblower got his July 25 phone call “almost completely wrong.”

 

This was not Trump’s first win. In 2018 he shared the award with other liars on the right, after claiming that Parkland High School students who were calling for stricter gun control were “crisis actors.” 

The year before that he swept to victory by insisting that Russian meddling in the 2016 election was a “made up story,” a “witch hunt” and “a hoax.” 

That followed his epic win in 2016, when he repeatedly labeled any news story he didn’t like “fake news.” 

That win was part of what would become an impressive streak, since he also won in 2015, for his body of work (Politifact rated 76% of all of Candidate Trump’s claims partly false, false, or “pants-on-fire” false).

 

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IN A COURT FILING this week, lawyers for Purdue Pharma admitted that the Sackler family, which owns the company, had transferred at least $1.36 billion in profits to overseas accounts or affiliated companies. 

The parent company has filed for bankruptcy, to shield itself from 2,600 lawsuits. But the family will always have their memories. 

And at least $1.36 billion.

 

BLOGGER’S NOTE (4/21/22): Technically, Trump didn’t win in 2020, for “Lie of the Year,” but contributed mightily. The winning whopper was the “infodemic” surrounding the outbreak and spread of COVID-19. All the, “don’t worry, it’s only the flu,” “use hydroxychloroquine and you’ll be fine,” “don’t get the shots, your body will become magnetized,” lumped together, in what the site fact checkers called “junk science.” 

Still, Politifact wasn’t letting the president off the hook. “It was a symphony of counter narrative,” they noted, “and Trump was the conductor, if not the composer.” Trump and others contributed to the deaths of (soon to be) more than a million Americans. 

In 2021, the “Lie of the Year” went not to Trump, although “the election was stolen” lie seeded the field from which the winning lie bloomed. 

This time, the “Lie of the Year” was a collection of falsehoods related to the attack on Capitol Hill on January 6. For example, “it was really a false flag,” operation, or “FBI agents tricked the mob into going on a rampage,” or the people who attacked were really no worse than a group of ordinary tourists.