Showing posts with label Sloppy Steve Bannon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sloppy Steve Bannon. Show all posts

Sunday, June 19, 2022

January 6, 2018: President Trump Ignores Science (Again), Erupts Over Book Fire and Fury

 

1/6/18: In case you missed it scientists declared 2017 the second hottest year, globally, since records have been compiled. (See: 12/28/17.) 

The four hottest years on record are 2016, 2017, 2015 and 2014. They are like “Melania Hot.”



Melania, in pre-First Lady days.

 

* 

MEANWHILE, Trump is outraged by all the negative comments in the new book, Fire and Fury. First, he goes after “Sloppy Steve” Bannon (who has offered the opinion that Don Jr. and Jared Kushner might be guilty of treason) and, if not, were “unpatriotic” for sure. 

Trump insists Bannon is a terrible person. He always knew Bannon was a bum. That’s why, on January 29, 2017, nine days after being sworn in, Trump placed Bannon on the National Security Council. At the same time, as reported by Time, Trump “streamlined” the NSC “by removing several officials, including the Director of National Intelligence and the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.” 

While Bannon was sitting in on NSC meetings, General Flynn was doing noble service as National Security Advisor and giving Trump big, beautiful advice. That is, when he wasn’t busy secretly taking $530,000 to devote his efforts to working for the interests of the Turkish government. Flynn was soon fired after “Fake News” reporters revealed he had been lying to Vice President Jesus. Oddly enough, the White House knew about the lying for 18 days before letting the liar go – and Bannon got axed from the NSC only in April 2017. 

This proves the president has impeccable judgment.

Tuesday, March 29, 2022

November 6, 2020: Georgia Turns Pale Blue

 

11/6/20: I woke up very early this morning to news that the State of Georgia had gone blue, at least for now.

 

Joe Biden had a 3,500-vote lead. The president’s chances of being reelected were slipping away. I peeked out the curtain. I figured Antifa mobs would be rampaging thru the normally quiet streets of the Village of Glendale, Ohio.



Looking good for Mr. Biden.

 

____________________

 

By October 12, Pennsylvania had already received 1,794,448 mail-in ballot requests from Democrats.

____________________

 


 

No one was stirring. But it was obvious that a beautiful fall day in southern Ohio was taking shape. 

As the hours passed, it was increasingly clear that the President of the United States was losing the last marbles he possessed. He tweet-ranted and tweet-raved. He stalked to the podium in the White House press room and insisted that the election was being stolen from his deserving grasp, because state election officials insisted on counting all the votes they had received. In Pennsylvania, what had been a large Trump lead, built on votes from those who showed up in person, began to disappear as several million mail-in ballots were tallied.

 

“Stop counting!” Trump shrieked.

 

In Arizona and Nevada, however, where Trump trailed, Republicans insisted that only communists would try to stop the counting before every vote was tallied! For good measure, Trump and his pals howled about a plot they said was afoot when one news network “called” Arizona for Biden with votes still left to record.

 

I admit, that as I watched the Arizona numbers come in all day, and Biden’s lead was cut in half, I wasn’t sure he could hold the state. I could see where Trump might win. So, we needed to count the votes.

 

Nevada, too, might slip from Biden’s grasp.

 

So. Count the votes. If Fox, or any other network made a wrong call: count the votes. Nothing about this was hard to grasp. Yet, President Trump refused to grasp it, much less face the grim facts.


 

Meanwhile, as hundreds of thousands of mail-in ballots were counted, Trump’s once impressive lead in Pennsylvania vanished. Biden moved ahead. This had nothing to do with “fraud” and everything to do with the fact Democratic leaders had urged supporters to get ballots in early, by mail.

 

Money in the electoral bank, so to speak.

 

Indeed, if you had tried your best to be informed, you would have known this was coming. On October 12, it was reported that Pennsylvania had received 2.6 million mail-in ballot requests. That figure included 1,794,448 Democrats but only 693,670 Republicans, the rest independents.

 

It was clear then, that Republicans might have a lead when in-person votes were counted. It would have to be huge.

 

  1,794,448

–   693,670

         ???          Potential Democratic gain in mail-in voting

 

 

This math problem was much too hard for the president, or Lou Dobbs, or Sean Hannity, or all of them together, to figure out.

 

So, as the president’s lead shrank and then disappeared, he and they squealed like punctured pigs.

 

Fraud was rampant in Pennsylvania, they bellowed.

 

Actually, it was math.


 

Even Pennsylvania’s Republican senator, Pat Toomey, chastised the president for making wild, unsubstantiated claims of voting fraud.

 

By Friday night, additional counting showed Biden with a lead in Georgia that had grown to more than 4,000. In Nevada, Biden’s lead had also grown. In Arizona it continued to trickle away. The biggest prize, Pennsylvania, was getting away from Mr. Trump. Biden’s lead passed 20,000. Even in counties where the same-day vote had given Trump 2-1 leads, mail-in ballots were running in favor of Mr. Biden.

 

Once it became clear that Biden was going to end the day with a small lead in Georgia, Trump supporters who had been shouting that it was past time to stop the count, suddenly started shouting anew. “Let the counting go forward!” they cried.  Several thousand ballots from U.S. military men and women overseas were still coming in. Trump could still carry the Peach State.

 

Count every vote!

 

* 

“I’d put the heads on pikes, right.” 

IN OTHER NEWS, Trump supporters hatched various plans to turn the electoral tide in favor of their favorite president. Two followers of “Q” showed up outside a Philadelphia vote-counting facility. Their Humvee turned out to be loaded with weaponry, including an AR-15, plenty of ammunition, and allegedly boxes of fake ballots that they thought they could get turned in. Fortunately, the two men were arrested before they could fix the tally in Trump’s favor. 

(Or open fire.) 

If that plan sounded stupid, recently-indicted former Trump campaign adviser Steve Bannon floated a plan for how Trump could enforce iron discipline in the federal government, supposing he won a second term. Fire Dr. Fauci, fire F.B.I. Director Christopher Wray, he said. “I’d like to go back to the old times of Tudor England,” Bannon explained during an epically unbalanced podcast. “I’d put the heads on pikes, right. I’d put them at the two corners of the White House, as a warning to federal bureaucrats. You either get with the program, or you’re gone.” 

His sidekick chipped in with a lovely story about two Philadelphia Tories, who were hanged for consorting with the British during the American Revolution. “This,” he said, “was what we used to do with traitors.” So, you could argue that the stakes in this election were high, at least for those of us who didn’t want to get our heads stuck on pikes outside the White House.

Saturday, January 6, 2018

President Trump Goes Back in Time to Save Jobs!


We continue our quest to document daily life in Trumpistan. If you’d like you can go back in time and read about Days 1-100, 101-200, 201-300 and 301-350.

It depends on your tolerance for chaos and incompetence.


January 5 (Day 351): IT’S OFFICIAL. The Greatest-Job-Creator-Ever, Donald J. Trump, watched in awe (of himself) as he turned the U.S. economy around in 2017, with absolutely no assistance from anyone. 

Not even Melania helped.

He inherited a mess the day he took office—and now, because he is clearly the greatest president ever, he has added jobs for 87 months in a row, starting all the way back in October 2010.

Yes. He did it all by himself. Trump went back in time and started adding jobs at a furious pace. He saved the country and his hair looked fabulous meanwhile. Just see all the jobs he added to the U.S. economy, just by tweeting:

2011   2,092,000
2012   2,142,000
2013   2,302,000
2014   2,998,000
2015   2,713,000
2016   2,240,000
2017   2,093,000

Sharp-eyed economists might wonder: Is the Wizard of Washington, D.C. losing his touch? As the Bureau of Labor Statistics notes, fewer jobs were added this year than in any year since 2011. But you figure if Trump keeps firing White House aides who call him an “idiot” or “moron” or “f---ing moron,” he can definitely recapture his mojo in 2018.

STILL, DONALD J. TRUMP WASN’T SATISFIED! He had more miracles to pull off. 

He also made sure 2017 was the safest year in commercial airline history. Earlier this week he went to Twitter to save lives. “Since taking office,” he tap-tapped, “I have been very strict on Commercial Aviation. Good news - it was just reported that there were Zero deaths in 2017, the best and safest year on record!”

Not a single commercial airline passenger died anywhere in the world last year, he said, an aviation first. (Just slightly untrue.) Trump did that. Trump made sure no planes crashed in England or Ireland. Trump kept planes from plummeting to earth in Bulgaria, Botswana and Bangladesh. If you were on a plane, flying to Moscow (not that anyone working for his campaign ever did that), Trump kept you aloft.

I think we can even say Trump flew planes himself. He would take breaks from golfing, don a disguise and get to work. On Fox News, Sean Hannity and the three stooges who host Fox and Friends agreed. Trump was the greatest pilot ever. He was half Wilbur Wright, half Orville, half Charles Lindbergh and 10 percent Eddie Rickenbacker.

Fox News listeners heard the news from Laura Ingraham too. They did some quick calculating and immediately realized those fractions added up perfectly, and so, this proved how great Trump is.

Trump even kept Americans safe in the past. He made sure no commercial airliner crashed—and no passenger died on U.S. soil in 2014. He did it again in 2015. Wow. Then he pulled off a similar feat in 2016, even with that Kenyan guy in the White House working hard to make sure every plane went smash.

True love. But not the gay kind! No sir, none of that.


LAST BUT NOT LEAST, under Trump, the E.P.A. cleaned up way more Superfund toxic waste sites. In 2016 only two sites were cleaned up and “delisted.” But this year? Seven! Seven were cleaned up.

Again, Fox News fans were treated to this fabulous news—real news, not fake news—and did some right-wing math. The truth hit them. It hit hard.

Trump had cleaned up fifteen more sites than Obama the year before.

Sadly, the “fake news” folks at Time magazine tried to throw shade on this achievement. Those rotten reporters claimed the cleanup work at those sites was finished before Donald J. Trump took office. They fakely pointed out that Scott Pruitt, Trump’s pick to head the E.P.A., was simply the one who officially delisted those sites. Then the hacks at Time lost their minds. Like Steve Bannon! 

That sloppy bastard!

They failed to credit President Past-Present-and-Future with all the excellent work he had done during the years Obama sat in the Oval Office, writing letters back home to Mombasa. Yes, ten Superfund sites were delisted every year, on average, during Obama’s two (illegal) terms in the White House.

Fox News viewers know the truth. They know Trump cleaned up those sites all by himself. He scooped up the toxic chemicals with his bare hands.

He went back in time. He did it all.

What a man!