January 23-26, 2017: Trump Claims He Won the Popular Vote, Too

 

1/23/17: At a meeting with Congressional leaders, Trump alleges that not only did he win the electoral vote, massively, but he would have trounced Secretary Clinton in the popular vote, save for 3-5 million undocumented immigrants who voted illegally. He says he’s going to launch a big, big investigation!

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1/24/17: Speaker Paul Ryan says there is “no evidence” to support Trump’s claim that millions of illegal voters showed up at polls in November. 

Concerned that the president is undermining faith in American democracy – which is not exactly a great look for the leader of that democracy – Senator Lindsey Graham responds: “I am begging the president, share with us the information you have about this or please stop saying it.”  

 

Millions of voters illegally registered in two states. 

Top White House aide Stephen Miller insists that the problem of illegal voters swarming to the polls is real. He insists “millions of people who are registered in two states or who are dead are registered to vote” and show up at the polls. 

A little free press digging reveals that these potential illegals include Steve Bannon (registered in Florida and New York), Sean Spicer (Virginia and Rhode Island), Jared Kushner (New York and New Jersey) and Steve Mnuchin (New York and California). 

Even Tiffany Trump, probably the only normal Trump in the adult bunch, turns out to be registered twice (Pennsylvania and New York). Maybe she voted for Dad in one state and Hillary in the other.

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1/25/17: In fake-but-actually-true news, the media reports that membership fees at Mar-a-Lago have been doubled to $200,000. Don’t you dare hint that the Trump clan is planning to profit by his election. 

That figure does not include annual dues of $14,000.

 

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IN FAKE, BUT REALLY FAKE NEWS, our new president relates the sad, but not true, saga of Bernhard Langer, who so wanted his vote to count. 

Alas, a writer for Slate explains: 

During a meeting with lawmakers, the newly inaugurated president says that German professional golfer Bernhard Langer was prevented from voting in 2016 because there was a long line of suspicious Latin American individuals ahead of him. Follow-up reporting reveals that Langer is not an American citizen [emphasis added] and did not attempt to vote in the election at all; according to Langer, he heard a similar story from a friend and relayed it to someone who then told it to “a person with ties to the White House,” which would mean that Trump had been told the (obviously false) anecdote fifth-hand.  

 

BLOGGER’S NOTE (July 4, 2022): Other than the totally wrong facts (which will be a hallmark of Trump’s one term in office, it’s a great, subtly-racist anecdote. I mean, assuming you’re really fond of racists stories.

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1/26/17: On the 25^th, Trump taps away on Twitter: “As your President, I have no higher duty than to protect the lives of the American people.” 

The same day an anonymous individual at NASA tweets back:

  

Reporters explain why this individual went rogue. The new administration has slapped a gag order on thousands of NASA climate experts, National Park employees and health officials who might question the Trump Line.

August 30, 2019: Trump Keeps Breaking Assorted Commandments

 

8/30/19: A massive hurricane, gathering strength over unusually warm waters in the Atlantic, is bearing down on Florida. 

It has already sideswiped Puerto Rico, which gave Trump an excuse to call the Mayor of San Juan “incompetent” again. And that is how you offer aid and comfort to people in the path of a killer storm! 

As of Friday, at 11:00 a.m., it is predicted that Hurricane Dorian will make landfall as a Category 4 storm, striking Palm Beach County, Florida a direct hit. Palm Beach County is home to Mar-a-Lago, the true love of Trump’s life. Not that we wish harm on the people of Florida. But if Dorian takes out Trump’s place, you wonder if Evangelicals might see it as a sign of God’s wrath, directed against a man who has broken these commandments with delight: 

FOURTH: Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant … 

This would cut into Trump’s time to play golf – and also the time undocumented workers that his clubs have hired spend making the beds, grooming the greens, etc., at his private courses.

 

SEVENTH: Thou shalt not commit adultery. 

Too late.

 

EIGHTH: Thou shalt not steal. 

Much too late.

 

NINTH: Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. 

Lost cause!

 

TENTH: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor’s. 

Pussy grabbing; Trump University; Trump Foundation busted for scamming two million dollars, etc.

 

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Trump probably couldn’t pick Tiffany out of a crowd. 

WE ALSO LEARN that White House staffer Madeleine Westerhout has left the building for good. During an off-the-record discussion with reporters in a Washington D.C. bar, Westerhout, whose post had been right outside Trump’s door, had one drink too many. Or four. 

She bragged that she had a better relationship with the president than his daughters. As for Tiffany, Westerhout laughed, her father couldn’t pick her out of a crowd. She said that Trump did not like to be seen in photographs with his youngest daughter, because he thought she looked fat. 

Trump was said to have grown fond Westerhout, an attractive 28-year-old. Now that she was being relieved of her duties, there seemed to be concern about what she might say about how Trump behaves behind closed doors.

"Hi, Dad, it's me."

 

That meant…time for a presidential tweet: 

While Madeleine Westerhout has a fully enforceable confidentiality agreement she is a very good person and I don’t think there would ever be reason to use it. She called me yesterday to apologize, had a bad night. I fully understood and forgave her! I love Tiffany, doing great!

 

Yes, a fully enforceable confidentially agreement, which of course there would be no reason ever to enforce! 

Didn’t Trump say Michael Cohen was a “very good person” some time back?

March 31, 2021: Rep. Matt Gaetz - Sounding Creepy

 

3/31/21: It’s a tough day for Trumpophiles. One of the heroes of their crowd, Rep. Matt Gaetz, is under investigation for carrying a minor across state lines for the purposes of sex. 

 

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“There’s no age that you can’t be sexy.” 

Retweet by Matt Gaetz

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He may of course be innocent. 

We of the liberal persuasion do not chant, “Lock him up,” until there has been a trial, if necessary, and a guilty verdict if merited. 

But if ever anyone looked like the type who might resort to enticing a minor across state lines for sex, Matt is the man. 

A number of old tweets from Gaetz have not aged like Dom Perignon. My least favorite comes from August 2019. Someone named Bebe Rexha tweeted: “There’s no age that you can’t be sexy.” 

Gaetz retweeted, saying, “I say we change Florida’s welcome signs to this.”

 

This one isn’t a whole lot better, although you could see where it might be completely innocuous.

 

Anyway, no chanting, “Lock Matt up!” until all the facts are known and his case, if any, adjudicated. That’s the American way, even if Gaetz’s favorite former president and his favorite former president’s fans never could figure that out.

 

I am reminded, however, of his previous comments regarding Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, whose ideas he called “dangerous for America.” In a pervy kind of way, he also said she was “attractive,” and said he’d swipe right – a la Tinder – to do a bill with her. There was also his comment, in regard to her tweet on helping communities ravaged by the War on Drugs. 

Dear, weird Rep. Gaetz thought an appropriate response was to reply, “You had me at hello.” 

Finally, as an official older person, I learned in checking up on Gaetz that – at least according to a hip young writer –the fire emoji, is “the universal symbol for ‘u + me = yes, tonight?’” 

Eight days after her dad got thumped in his bid for a second term, Matt slapped that emoji on a picture posted by Tiffany Trump. He tossed in a heart emoji, a face emoji with hearts for eyes, and a thumbs up emoji. 

I’m old and too lazy to copy and paste the proper emojis to my text. So here’s a link to the story. 

And here’s the picture:

 

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SPEAKING OF creepy: The Supreme Court of New York has rejected Tiffany’s dad’s appeal to terminate a defamation lawsuit brought by Summer Zervos. Dad stalled it out while president. Now his claim that defending himself in a trial would take away from his time to defend America, work on a healthcare plan, which we never saw, and go golfing all the time, no longer pertains. 

Zervos is one of nearly two-dozen women to accuse then-Citizen Trump of sexual abuse and harassment of varying kinds. Zervos is the only one then-Candidate-for-president Trump singled out by name and called a liar. 

Chances are good that Citizen-again Trump will have to provide a deposition. If you’ve ever read his comical responses to Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s questions, where he was allowed to have a lawyer help him write them, and filled them out like a take-home test in elementary school, you know he’s going to have almost zero chance of avoiding a stinging civil case loss. 

Plus, a bunch of other accusers are likely to be deposed by Zervos’ lawyers to support her claims.

 

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FINALLY, in other court-related news, two police officers injured in the Capitol Hill riot have sued Donald. 

Their story is worth a read. 

 

POSTSCRIPT: Tucker Carlson invited Rep. Gaetz to come on his show and explain his side of the story. Gaetz, who could be innocent, flubbed his chance so badly even Carlson admitted afterward, that was “one of the weirdest interviews I’ve ever conducted.” 

Gaetz did claim the Department of Justice and F.B.I. have tape of an individual trying to extort money from his family, by lodging a bogus sexual misconduct claim against him. So, he could be…yes…innocent. 

And then there’s that guy he allegedly brought to the White House in 2019, to meet that other guy who ran the place, who was definitely the porn-star-banging type. The guy he brought, Joel Greenberg, was indicted last summer on a range of charges…including sex-trafficking a child.

 

Other highlights of Gaetz’s career include bringing a Holocaust denier to hear the 2018 State of the Union address. In 2017 he was the only member of the House or Senate “to vote against a law that gave the federal government more power and money to fight human trafficking.” 

Still. Still. There’s no smoking gun! Gaetz could be innocent! There’s just that general air of creepiness.

 

BLOGGER’S NOTE (3/21/22): We try to be fair. So, we should point out that Zervos eventually dropped her suit against the former president. Not sure why – possibly, her lawyers felt Trump’s comments might be covered by free speech.