September 26, 2019: Hunter Biden Didn't Put U.S. Security at Risk - Whistleblower Says Trump Did

 

9/26/19: The sun rose again Thursday. Trump was in an even darker place. At a private breakfast event in New York City, he unloaded on the media. He labeled reporters “scum.” The “scum” at the Los Angeles Times filed a story anyway and the “scum” at Fox News decided to cover his comments. First, Fox reported on what Trump said to the neo-fascist version of the Breakfast Club: 

“You know, these animals in the press…they’re animals, some of the worst human beings you’ll ever meet,” Trump reportedly said. When someone in the room shouted, “fake news,” Trump responded: “They’re scum. Many of them are scum, and then you have some good reporters, but not many of them, I’ll be honest with you.”

 

The Los Angeles Times picked up from there: 

“Basically, that person [the whistleblower] never saw the report, never saw the call, he never saw the call – heard something and decided that he or she, or whoever the hell they saw – they’re almost a spy,” Trump said.

 

“I want to know who’s the person, who’s the person who gave the whistleblower the information? Because that’s close to a spy,” he continued. “You know what we used to do in the old days when we were smart? Right? The spies and treason, we used to handle it a little differently than we do now.”

 

In other words, the President of the United States had just issued a veiled threat against the life of a whistleblower, sounding like his pal Putin. Or: How’s the view from that fifth floor balcony? 

(See, for example, the story: “Why Do Russian Journalists Keep Falling?”)

Whistleblowers are at risk in most countries.

(And Trump would like it that way here.)

 

 

* 

The White House caves. 

MEANWHILE, the White House made the decision to cave in the face of an impeachment threat. Acting Director of National Intelligence Joseph Maguire would be allowed to appear on Capitol Hill. The whistleblower’s complaint would be made available to lawmakers from both parties. 

Lawmakers’ reactions fractured along party lines. There was a difference of opinion about how the whistleblower law should be interpreted. The purpose of the law has never been in doubt. It was passed to shield whistleblowers (see Trump rant, above) and ensure that intelligence vital to U.S. interests would not be suppressed. The law requires that a complaint be filed only where “a serious or flagrant problem, abuse, violation of the law of Executive order, or deficiency” may have occurred. The Inspector General is to decide within fourteen days whether a complaint is credible and of urgent concern. If the IG so decides, within seven days the complaint “shall be” forwarded to congressional oversight committees. 

That’s the law; and IG Michael Atkinson – remember, a Trump pick for the job – followed the law all the way.

 

Once matters passed from his hands all progress ground to a halt. As the story plays out, we learn that Maguire received Atkinson’s findings in early August, but decided not to forward them to Congress. Having agreed to testify before the House Intelligence Committee, he told lawmakers he had been informed by White House lawyers and the Department of Justice that in this particular case, different rules applied. This complaint fell outside his purview as DNI. 

Here, even the chronology seemed suspect. Dan Coats, who served as Trump’s first DNI, resigned effective August 15, after a series of disagreements with the president. His second in command, Sue Gordon, a woman with decades of experience in intelligence work, who normally would have been elevated to take his place, was told she would be passed over for the job. 

At Coats’ urging, she resigned. 

Trump then selected Rep. John Ratcliffe, a man of no intelligence experience, to replace Coats. Even Republicans balked at the choice. No dice, they said. 

Trump’ second pick for the job was Maguire, which meant Maguire had served as Acting Director for less than 24 hours, when, on August 16, the whistleblower complaint landed square on his desk.

 

* 

Maguire says the whistleblower followed the rules. 

SO, what did we learn from Maguire’s testimony Thursday? Ratcliffe – yeah, that guy, again – Rep. Jordan (him too) – Rep. Devin Nunes (of course) – and most Republican members on the three committees involved – were mad as hell, about god only knows what. Genital warts? 

The 1919 Black Sox Scandal? 

I admit, watching Maguire testify on television, I muted those three whenever they started to rant. 

When I did listen, I learned that Maguire believed the whistleblower followed the rules and acted in good faith. He said so repeatedly under oath, when asked by Democrats and any Republicans who were not suffering from rabies. 

It was also clear that Maguire knew he was in a tough spot. He was trying not to say more than he knew, while also avoiding any appearance of an intent to hide relevant facts. The problem was that he had the unenviable task of explaining why he followed directives from the White House and Department of Justice, which seemed to serve only the president’s interests.

 

Democrats brought up an array of salient points. First, the whistleblower claimed he or she was not alone in his or her concerns. “I have received information from multiple U.S. Government officials that the President of the United States is using the power of his office to solicit interference from a foreign government [emphasis added] in the 2020 U.S. election,” the complaint read. That claim was supported by the call memorandum now in lawmakers’ hands. 

Second, “The President’s personal lawyer, Mr. Rudolph Giuliani, is a central figure in this effort. Attorney General Barr appears to be involved.” By this point, Giuliani had already admitted his involvement. 

The Department of Justice, however, issued a blanket denial, as far as Mr. Barr was concerned: 

The president has not spoken with the attorney general about having Ukraine investigate anything relating to former Vice President Biden or his son. The president has not asked the attorney general to contact Ukraine – on this or any other matter. The attorney general has not communicated with Ukraine – on this or any other subject. Nor has the attorney general discussed this matter, or anything relating to Ukraine, with Rudy Giuliani. 

 

If the whistleblower was “wrong” about Barr, the whistleblower was wrong because he or she believed Trump. Trump says during the call that Barr will call Zelensky or Zelensky can call Barr.

 

____________________ 

“These actions pose risks to U.S. national security and undermine the U.S. government’s efforts to deter and counter foreign interference in U.S. elections.” 

Whistleblower complaint

____________________

 

 

The whistleblower complaint goes on to say that “over the past four months, more than half a dozen U.S. officials have informed me of various facts related to this effort.” 

He/she does admit, up front, on page one of the complaint, “I was not a direct witness to most of the events described. However, I found my colleague’s accounts of these events to be credible because, in almost all cases, multiple officials recounted fact patterns that were consistent with one another.” The whistleblower noted that his or her concerns related to a pattern of conduct that was “flagrant” and that “these actions pose risks to U.S. national security and undermine the U.S. government’s efforts to deter and counter foreign interference in U.S. elections.” 

The complainant focused on the July 25 call, although there were hints of other questionable calls. “Multiple White House officials with direct knowledge of the call informed me that, after an initial exchange of pleasantries, the President used the remainder of the call to advance his personal interests. Namely, he sought to pressure the Ukrainian leader to take actions to help the President’s 2020 reelection bid.”

 

The whistleblower accurately described key elements of the conversation. He or she went on to warn, 

The White House officials who told me this information were deeply disturbed by what had transpired in the phone call. They told me that there was already a “discussion ongoing” with White House lawyers about how to treat the call because of the likelihood, in the officials’ retelling, that they had witnessed the President abuse his office for personal gain.

 

White House officials were described as having known from the moment Trump hung up the phone that what the president had said posed serious problems. A coverup commenced. 

“In the days following,” the whistleblower alleged, 

I learned from multiple U.S. officials that senior White House officials had intervened to “lock down” all records of the phone call, especially the word-for-word transcript of the call that was produced – as is customary – by the White House Situation Room [this word-for-word transcript has still never been seen]. This set of actions underscored to me that White House officials understood the gravity of what had transpired in the call.

 

The complaint further stated that “White House lawyers” directed workers to load the transcript in a system “used to store and handle classified information of an especially sensitive nature.” 

According to the whistleblower, cleanup commenced the next day. U.S. envoys met with “Ukrainian leadership” to advise them on “how to ‘navigate the demands that the President had made of Mr. Zelenskyy [alternate spelling].’” The whistleblower says he/she learned that on “about 2 August, Mr. Giuliani traveled to Madrid to meet with one of President Zelenskyy’s advisers, Andrey Yermak.” This meeting was a “direct follow-up” to the July 25 call. “Separately,” the complaint alleged, “multiple U.S. officials told me that Mr. Giuliani had reportedly privately reached out to a variety of other Zelenskyy advisers.”

 

A lengthy section of the complaint focused on Ukrainian politics. And to be frank, in a perfect world – where every swamp had been drained – Hunter Biden would not be trading on his name, doing work for a gas company in the Ukraine, that company tied to an oligarch, and young Biden earning top dollar – even if his actions were, strictly speaking, legal. 

What Hunter Biden or his father may or may not have done was irrelevant to any defense of the president. If young Biden had had sex with a llama, it would not negate the fact Trump had asked for Ukrainian assistance in hopes of winning the next election. If Father Biden had dressed up in high heels and embarked on a career as a transgender stripper, it would not justify Trump in directing his personal lawyer to put the squeeze on an allied nation in order to compel that nation’s help. Finally, neither former Vice President Biden nor his son played any role, even if it could be proven that both cheated at checkers, in what the whistleblower said was a wide-ranging White House effort to cover the president’s ass. 

And need we repeat: The whistleblower was accusing the President of the United States of putting U.S. national security at risk. 

For personal gain. 

 

Willingness to “play ball.” 

The whistleblower further alluded to the fact that on May 9, 2019, The New York Times reported that Giuliani was planning a trip to the Ukraine to press authorities to investigate Biden and his son. The next day, Trump said he’d talk to Rudy about the trip. On May 11, in the glare of the free press, Rudy decided he didn’t want to go to the Ukraine after all. “Starting in mid-May,” the whistleblower complaint continues, “I heard from multiple U.S. officials that they were deeply concerned by what they viewed as Mr. Giuliani’s circumvention of national security decision making processes.” Two U.S. diplomats, Kurt Volker and Gordan Sondland, spoke with Giuliani “in an attempt to ‘contain the damage’” he was doing to U.S. national security. 

“During this same timeframe, multiple U.S. officials told me that the Ukrainian leadership was led to believe that a meeting or a phone call between the President and President Zelenskyy,” the whistleblower continued, “would depend on whether Zelenskyy showed willingness to ‘play ball’ on the issues that had been publicly aired by…Mr. Giuliani.” This, the complaint explained, was the general state of affairs from late May to July. 

We soon learned from other sources, that Rudy talked “maybe ten times” to one Ukrainian official. On June 13, President Trump had made it clear in an interview with George Stephanopoulos (see: 9/25/19), “that he would accept damaging information on his political rivals from a foreign government.” Eight days later, Giuliani tweeted that it was time for Ukraine to investigate “alleged Biden bribery” and “how Ukraine was abused by Hillary and Clinton people.” 

Meanwhile, for reasons unknown outside of a tight White House circle, military aid to Ukraine was cut off.

 

“According to multiple White House officials I spoke with,” the whistleblower continued, “the [full] transcript of the President’s call with President Zelenskyy was placed in a computer system” where “codeword-level intelligence information” belonged. White House officials voiced concerns that this was “an abuse of the system.” The whistleblower further stated, 

According to White House officials I spoke with, this was ‘not the first time’ under this Administration that a Presidential transcript was placed into this codeword-level system solely for the purpose of protecting politically sensitive – rather than national security sensitive – information.

 

Finally, the whistleblower noted, on “July 18, an Office of Management Budget (OMB) official informed Departments and Agencies that the President ‘earlier this month’ had issued instructions to suspend all U.S. security assistance to Ukraine.” No one outside the White House knew why. In two meetings “on 23 July and 26 July,” OMB officials stated explicitly that, 

instructions to suspend this assistance had come directly from the President, but they were still unaware of a policy rationale. As of early August, I heard from U.S. officials that some Ukrainian officials were aware that U.S. aid might be in jeopardy, but I do not know how or when they learned of it.

 

And so – the complaint.

 

* 

“Rudy putting shit in Trump’s head.” 

AS DARKNESS SETTLED over Washington D.C. on September 26, signs of unease among Republicans multiplied. Vermont Gov. Phil Scott and Massachusetts Gov. Charlie Baker announced support for an impeachment inquiry. When asked why Baker felt an investigation was necessary, he replied succinctly, that he had seen how Trump conducted himself over the last three years. 

On the other hand, Rudy kept Rudy-ing. He wasn’t apologizing for anything. He got busy on the phone. “It is impossible that the whistle-blower is a hero and I’m not,” he shouted at Elaina Plott, a reporter for The Atlantic. “These morons – when this is over, I will be the hero!” He was the one exposing corruption! He wasn’t the guy doing the corrupting, even if it seemed that way. “I’m not acting as a lawyer,” he insisted, in full hero mode. “I’m acting as someone who has devoted most of his life to straightening out government. Anything I did should be praised.”

 

According to Plott, not everyone agreed. A former White House official told her for the story that this whole Ukrainian mess was Giuliani’s fault: “Rudy putting shit in Trump’s head.” 

A current U.S. official agreed, informing the Washington Post, “Rudy – he did all of this. This shitshow that we’re in – it’s him injecting himself into the process.” 

The critical point was that Trump was happy to go along, if not lead the way. And you can’t impeach Rudy just because he’s a fool. 

But you can impeach Trump.

 

With night falling, NBC was reporting “total panic” in the White House, as aides struggled to chart a course. One official described the mood inside as “shell-shocked.” And there was fear that as pressure mounted, Trump might become even more “unmanageable” than normal. 

There appears to be rising “anxiety, unease, and concern” – as one person close to the White House described the mood in the West Wing – that the whistleblower’s allegations could seriously wound the president and some of those around him.

 

“There’s not a lot of confidence that there’s no there there,” this person said.

September 27-29, 2019: Trump Channels His Inner-Jefferson Davis

 

Trump is the first U.S. president ever to support a civil war against his own people.

(Not counting Jefferson Davis.)

9/27-29/19: Fast moving developments Friday, on into the weekend, did little to improve President Trump’s mood.

 

____________________ 

“We call on the Administration to make clear that retaliation for political reasons will not be tolerated.” 

The American Academy of Diplomacy

____________________

 

 

The American Academy of Diplomacy warned that his administration was treading on dangerous ground in its treatment of former U.S. Ambassador to the Ukraine, Marie Yovanovitch. Ms. Yovanovitch had been removed from her post in May, allegedly for mucking up Rudy Giuliani’s goofy plans. 

Of particular concern was Trump’s statement during his phone call to President Zelensky, that Yovanovitch was “bad news,” and was going to “go through some things.” Payback, one assumed, for crossing Rudy. 

The Academy, representing diplomats from past administrations, Democrat and Republican, made its position plain: 

The threatening tone of this statement is deeply troubling. It suggests actions outside of and contrary to the procedures and standards of a professional service whose officers, like their military counterparts, take an oath to uphold the Constitution. Whatever views the Administration has of Ambassador Yovanovitch’s performance, we call on the Administration to make clear that retaliation for political reasons will not be tolerated.

 

Kurt Volker, one of two diplomats who was reported to have tried to limit the damage Giuliani was doing, now resigned. 

Trump’s first tweet on September 27, focused for some unfathomable reason on a spelling issue and CNN, and came at 6:02 a.m. “To show you how dishonest the LameStream Media is, I used the word Liddle’, not Liddle, in discribing Corrupt Congressman Liddle’ Adam Schiff,” in an earlier tweet, the president complained. “Low ratings @CNN purposely took the hyphen out and said I spelled the word little wrong. A small but never ending situation with CNN!” 

(Yes. He spelled “describing” wrong, while complaining about CNN and a missing hyphen, which was really an apostrophe.)

 

* 

The old Giuliani would prosecute the new Giuliani. 

TRUMP TOOK an ugly turn for the worse Saturday morning. His third tweet of the day, carried his attacks to a dangerous new low: 

The problem, of course, is that tweeting like a madman could not make Trump’s problems disappear. He was almost sure now to be impeached; and he was going to have to testify under oath.

 The bad news piled up. 

NBC reported that Giuliani’s former colleagues at the Department of Justice believed he may have committed a series of crimes. 

“This is certainly not the Giuliani that I know,” said Jeffrey Harris, who worked as Giuliani’s top assistant when he was at the Justice Department in the President Ronald Reagan administration. “I think the Giuliani that I know would prosecute the Giuliani of today.”

 

…NBC News reached out to seven former colleagues of Giuliani’s. Of the six who offered comments on or off the record, none defended him…

 

Bruce Fein, who worked at the Justice Department with Giuliani in the early 1980s, said he believes Giuliani could be prosecuted for breaking federal election laws.

 

“He was soliciting a foreign government to help Trump’s 2020 campaign. That’s a problem,” said Fein, a former special assistant to the assistant attorney general for the Office of Legal Counsel under President Richard Nixon and associate deputy attorney general under President Ronald Reagan.

 

“Federal election laws make it illegal to solicit anything of value from a foreign government or persons to influence the outcome of an election.” 

 

“There’s obviously lots that’s very troubling there.” 

Saturday and Sunday, the president took a series of swift kicks to the nuts. We learned that the whistleblower was a C.I.A. agent assigned to duty at the White House. He or she followed proper channels in taking concerns to the director of the C.I.A. Another hit to the gonads followed. The White House was forced to admit…well, okay…we did move transcripts of conversations (including the one alluded to in the whistleblower complaint) to a “more secure and classified computer system.” 

Were any other records moved to the secure system, out of sight, out of mind, as it were? According to a former White House official calls involving Trump and Vladimir Putin were also moved. 

There were fresh rumblings of discontent inside the GOP. Fox News quoted former Sen. Jeff Flake as saying, during a Q&A session at the Texas Tribune Festival, that if there was a secret vote for impeachment in the U.S. Senate, Trump would be toast. “I heard someone say if there were a private vote there would be 30 Republican votes. That’s not true,” Flake said. “There would be at least 35.” 

Rep. Mark Amodi, a Nevada Republican, was the first member of his party in the House of Representatives to publicly support an impeachment inquiry. To be clear, he wasn’t saying Trump was guilty. He was saying he was a “big fan of oversight.” “Using government agencies to, if it’s proven, to put your finger on the scale of an election [emphasis added], I don’t think that’s right,” Amodi explained. “If it turns out that it’s something along those lines, then there’s a problem.”

 

A surprising number of Republican lawmakers, when asked to comment, insisted they were really sorry. They were about to skip town for summer recess and hadn’t had time to read the whistleblower’s nine-page complaint. Sen. Tom Cotton, normally happy to cheer any and all actions taken by President Trump, up to and including the president pardoning himself, went with “no comment.” 

Speaking to a reporter, Sen. Ben Sasse offered warning to GOP colleagues. “Republicans,” he said, “ought not to be rushing to circle the wagons to say there’s no there there when there’s obviously lots that’s very troubling there.” In addition, “The administration ought not be attacking the whistleblower as some talking points suggest they plan to do.” 

It wasn’t just Democrats who sniffed a foul odor emanating from the Offal (Oval) Office. Gene Hartigan, former chair of the Massachusetts Republican Party, outlined for reporters a path forward that might save the party. 

“There seems to be enough material evidence to prove that what he did, he did,” Hartigan said [referring to President Trump].

 

The former chair says Republicans should realize that this is the end game for Trump – opening the door for Mike Pence to take over the Oval Office, a more traditional Republican Hartigan believes could work with Democrats to pass legislation and possibly get elected president.

 

“I think it’s time for Mitch McConnell to gather together enough Republicans to work with the Democrats in the Senate to approve impeachment,” Hartigan said. “And I think that could happen.”

 

Sunday, of course, the drumbeat of bad news continued. It was revealed that Rudy had planned to attend a conference in Armenia, sponsored by the Russian government, where he would be paid handsomely to give a speech. In the sudden glare of publicity he claimed he had no idea the conference would include an appearance by Vladimir Putin. On second thought, he said, he wouldn’t go. 

One of the “enemies of the people” pointed out, cruelly, perhaps, that if you checked the website for the conference, it listed Putin and several other Russian officials who planned to attend. 

Sen. Lisa Murkowski got pinned down by members of the free press and had to admit that Trump’s phone call was “very concerning.” 

Former Republican Gov. William Weld said the call was “grounds for removal from office.” 

Sen. Romney offered up the idea that most of his GOP colleagues were still backing Trump, not because they approved of his conduct, but for selfish reasons. “I think it’s very natural for people to look at circumstances and see them in the light that’s most amenable to their maintaining power and doing things to preserve that power,” he said. Profiles in Cowardice, you might call it.

 

Sunday morning, Rudy was still Rudy-ing. 

He showed up on ABC’s This Week. Had he messed up in any way, the host, George Stephanopoulos, wondered? Rudy demurred. “Everything I did was to defend my client and I am proud of having uncovered what will turn out to be a massive pay-for-play scheme,” he said. 

Trump spent the last Sunday in September the way he spends most Sundays in all the seasons of the year. He skipped church, tweeted religiously, and worked himself into a funk. By afternoon he was tweeting dire threats aimed at… 

North Korea? 

Putin? 

Opioid manufacturers? 

Nope. His threats were directed at Chairman Schiff and the whistleblower – and admit it, even if you like Trump, you’re not surprised. 

First, Schiff: 

His lies were made in perhaps the most blatant and sinister manner ever seen in the great Chamber. He wrote down and read terrible things, then said it was from the mouth of the President of the United States. I want Schiff questioned at the highest level for Fraud & Treason [emphasis added].....

 

(To understand what upset Trump, see Schiff’s tweet; 9/25/19; also 9/30/19.)

Next, the whistleblower: 

....In addition, I want to meet not only my accuser, who presented SECOND & THIRD HAND INFORMATION, but also the person who illegally gave this information, which was largely incorrect, to the “Whistleblower.” Was this person SPYING on the U.S. President? Big Consequences!

 

If that wasn’t bad enough, the President of the United States was so angry by bedtime that he decided it might be a good idea to threaten the American people as a whole.

 

To give you an idea how far the president had descended, former U.S. Air Force pilot and GOP Rep. Adam Kinzinger responded within the hour:

The Trumplican Party Platform

  

IF WE LEARNED NOTHING ELSE in April, we learned that the Trumplican Party plans to run in November on an outstanding platform, designed to make America Great Again! As in 1807, when slave trading was still legal. 

 
Beware the seahorses.

 

RAPE AS OPPORTUNITY 

As Trumplicans stumble over themselves in a rush to ban abortion, sharp-eyed State Rep. Jean Schmidt of Ohio spies a silver lining. With the Ohio General Assembly debating a bill to make all abortions illegal, Democrats (also known as “commies”) argue that there should at least be exceptions where victims are raped and impregnated, or when pregnancies result from incest. 

No dice, Rep. Schmidt says. Suppose you are 13, and you are raped by your creepy uncle, and find yourself carrying a baby?

Schmidt suggests that the lucky teen enjoy the pregnancy. “It is a shame that [rape] happens but there is an opportunity for that woman, no matter how young or old she is, to make a determination about what she’s going to do to help that life be a productive human being.”

 

“Just because you have emotional scars doesn’t give you the right to take the life,” Schmidt opined. 

 

So enjoy the scarring.

 

 

PROTECTAMERICANS FROM OTHER AMERICANS

 

You might imagine that the biggest threats to this country come from North Korea, with its nuclear missiles, or Vladimir Putin, who has a penchant for invading neighboring countries. Well, don’t you feel stupid!

 

Former-President Trump promises, if he runs, and we elect him again, he will protect us from the “biggest threat, the sick, sinister, evil people within our country.”

 

(This would seem to negate the need for the Great Wall of Trump along the border.)

 

 

PROTECTING AMERICANS FROM TRANSGENDERS, ETC.

 

Trumplicans don’t intend to mess around with “transgender” persons. Use the pronouns God gave us, people!

 

After Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary included a phrase regarding “gender identity” under definitions of “girl,” and “woman,” in its latest online edition, good patriot Jeremy David Hanson, 34, stood up for decency and threatened to shoot up and bomb the publisher’s offices.

 

In American there will be only two genders: 1. Male; and 2. females who realize rape pregnancies are great opportunities. The party promises not to let gay teachers say they’re gay – or have any teachers bother students with discussions of slavery, which, henceforth will be known as guaranteed “work opportunities” for black folk.

 

As for transgender individuals, they will no longer be allowed to serve in the military – even though hundreds already do. And they won’t be peeing in our bathrooms, either. They can go pee behind a bush.

 

Or in their foxhole. Until we ban them.

 

Trumplican patriots will soon be protesting outside the Mayo Clinic – because doctors claim some children are born with both sex organs.

 

See: Still only two genders (combined in one person).

 

 

PROTECTING CHILDREN FROM LIBRARIANS

 

The Trumplican Party promises to ban books about gay parents from public school libraries. Parents will be allowed, if a proposed law in Oklahoma passes, to challenge any book and have it removed within 30 days.

 

For example: a book about seahorses! Did you know male seahorses get pregnant? What kind of gender identity is that?

 

Also: a Michelle Obama biography.

 

If the librarian in Oklahoma fails to remove the book, as required under this proposal – perhaps the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, for example – the librarian can be fired, banned from ever working in a public school again, and parents can collect $10,000 per day from the school district.

 

 

LAW AND ORDER AND FIRING SQUADS

 

The Trumplican Party is clearly the party of  law and order! If we vote them into office, they will protect us from criminal librarians.

 

Also: health experts.

 

At a recent campaign event, John Bennett, running for a seat in Congress, suggested that Dr. Fauci should be placed in front of a firing squad. 

“We’re fighting communist Democrats, establishment RINOs!” Bennett explained. “We’re fighting against a system that stole the election in 2020,” and nobody has been held accountable. “We’re in a war with bureaucrats who have forced vaccine mandates on us, mask mandates on us,” he continued. 

“And you know what? They’re pushing this wokeness confusion down our throats now. And by the way, we should try Anthony Fauci and put him in front of a firing squad.”

 

Because, every thinking American knows it was Dr. Fauci’s fault that more than 990,000 Americans died from COVID, including tens of thousands who refused to be vaccinated – as Dr. Fauci recommended.

It worked for the Nazis, right?

 

 

TELEVISED EXECUTIONS!

 

Trumplicans don’t mess around with stupid amendments that protect the rights of the accused in court. Cue the Trumplican crowd at a typical rally chanting, “Lock him up!” Or: “Lock her up!”

 

Or: “Lock him and her up!” if the individual has been born with both sex organs.

 

If Nevada will send Noah Malgeri to Congress in November, he will work hard to see that Gen. Mark Milley, head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, is tried by court-martial and executed on live television.

 

Among the general’s many crimes, he promised before the 2020 election that the military would play no role in determining the outcome.

 

 

ONLY THE FINEST CANDIDATES

 

As indicated above, the Trumplican Party will run only the very finest men and women for office. Former-President Trump has endorsed some fantastic Americans – and if we vote for all of them, they will help drain the swamp. Also, if they molest your wife or daughter, and your loved one gets pregnant…

 

Opportunity!

 

For instance, we have Trump-endorsed Charles Herbster, candidate for Nebraska governor, accused of sexually assaulting eight women.

 

Opportunity x 8!!!!!!!!

 

Also hoping to secure a seat in the U.S. Senate: Herschel Walker, former NFL star. His wife once filed a restraining order after he held a razor to her throat and threatened to kill her. Later, a girlfriend said Herschel sat in a car outside her house for hours after he promised to shoot her.

 

 

SAVING AMERICA FROM WALT DISNEY CHARACTERS

 

The “woke agenda” will be defeated, and no gay characters will be allowed in any Disney cartoons or movies. Also: Donald Duck will have to start wearing pants because that’s right there in the Bible. And am I the only person to notice that Minnie Mouse sends out a kind of slutty vibe?

Puts some pants on, Donald!

 

 

NO NEW TAXES ON RICH PEOPLE 

Multi-millionaires and billionaires, this is the party for you! As Mike Gibbons, Trumplican candidate for the open U.S. Senate in Ohio, explained recently, he would like to raise taxes, but not on you people. 

The middle class, he explained during a recent podcast, doesn’t pay “any kind of a fair share” of income taxes. 

Also in favor of raising taxes – on some of the poorest Americans: Sen. Rick Scott (T-Fla.) who heads the Trumplican Senate campaign arm. 

 

STAND STRONG FOR BIG PHARMA 

If you worry about the salaries of CEO’s who run pharmaceutical companies and profits of said companies, never fear. Trumplicans will protect us from communists in the Democratic Party. For example, those Democrats who want to cap the cost of insulin, which an estimated 1.6 million type-1 diabetics in this country must have to live. That cap would be $35 per month. 

Well, we all know capitalism must be safeguarded. If a few hundred thousand diabetics can’t afford the hundreds of dollars insulin costs monthly, and they die – replace them with rape babies! 

In a recent move, 193 Trumplicans in the U.S. House of Representatives voted against a bill to cap insulin prices; but “commie” Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi managed to pass it regardless. 

 

USE SOLDIERS TO WIN ELECTIONS

 

As already noted, Trumplicans would like to execute Gen. Milley. Now we know that even if defeated at the polls, they will never give up, and if they have to gun down other Americans to stand up for the U.S. Constitution, they are the party with the vision to do so. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, for example, has a few ideas to turn defeat into victory in any election.

 

We know that on January 17, 2021, with Inauguration Day only three days away, and Joseph Biden set to take office, Greene and other Trumplicans already in Congress were thinking it would be fun to declare “Marshall law,” as she explained to then-White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows.

 

Rep. Greene says she has no recollection of sending such a text – nor does she know the difference between “martial law” and “Marshall law,” but she’s sure the 2020 election was stolen.

 

She and other like-minded Trumplicans would like to settle the last election – or the next, should they lose – by sending in troops to protect our freedom, using bayonets and bullets. Also, tanks. 

 

PROTECT AMERICA FROM SCIENCE. 

After Trumplicans finish filling Dr. Fauci with a dose of lead, they can use one of Dr. Deborah Birx’s famous scarves as blindfold and shoot her also. She has defamed the Orange God of Mar-a-Lago, and must pay the price accordingly. During a recent appearance on ABC, Dr. Birx said she was “paralyzed” that day, seemingly decades ago, when Mr. Trump turned to her during a press conference and suggested injecting disinfectants to combat the coronavirus. 

Dr. Birx must face a firing squad because she fails to grasp the brilliant insights of the man all Americans know is really our president! When she first visited Trump in the White House she interrupted him for thirty precious seconds, which he should have been devoting to tweeting. 

“Mr. President, I don’t know who are you speaking with,” she claims to have told him, “but I have evidence to fully support the conclusion that this outbreak is going to be nothing like the seasonal flu or even pandemic flu. This virus is very deadly.”

 

Click. On came the TV, and the president turned to Fox News, in order to bone up on the policies he should start implementing, as soon as Sean Hannity explained them.

 

 

NO GUN CONTROLS

 

No matter how high the murder rate is in this country, Trumplicans will never fall for stories about shootings in every nook and cranny of America – which, by the way, God always intended to set aside for white people. (See, for example, Rep. Matt Gaetz and the “Great Replacement Theory.”)

 

Trumplicans know that all stories of mayhem in America are “false flags” designed to give government a chance to confiscate the 400 million guns already owned by patriotic Americans. These guns they use them to protect themselves from other armed Americans, such as people experiencing road rage, neighbors mad about how you are snow shoveling, and young children playing with loaded weapons found in cars and used to shoot parents at gas stations.

 

 

FREEDOM FLUSHERS! 

You might think our country has a problem, since almost the entire western half of the United States is suffering from the worst drought in more than 1,200 years – and now states like Texas and Arizona are heading into the hottest, driest months of the year – and they’re already blazing. 

Never fear, Donald J. Trump, and Sen. Rand Paul, and other Freedom Flushers will protect our toilets. If Trumplicans can recapture Congress, they will address the drought by overturning meddlesome government regulations that require reduced-water-use flush toilets. 

 

NO CLIMATE CHANGE HOAXES 

Climate scientists around the world have been piling up evidence to show that action to address a warming planet must be taken. Trumplicans know all of them are lying, especially scientists who work at NASA. Trumplicans will protect us from evidence, and also protect our toilets, and keep transgender persons from using them, no matter how many times we have to flush them. 

(Trump claims he has to flush 10-15 times, which makes one wonder what he eats for breakfast.)

 

You say wildfires are burning across a bone-dry, hotter-than-normal West? And it’s still spring? You say fires in Texas have charred more than 500 square miles? Oklahoma, 35 fires burning, Arizona, 46, New Mexico, 48, California, 161? You claim that glaciers 2.5 million years old, in the mountains on the Olympic Peninsula, might melt by 2070? 

Pure coincidence – and all we need to do is ban books that teach children about Smoky the Bear, who is probably a Satanic, liberal pedophile. 

If we elect enough real patriots, the Trumplican Party will add QAnon theory to the science curriculum. 

And f**k those sea horses.