Donald Loses His Marbles - Trump 47 - April 2026

 

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__________ 

“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.” 

Bertrand Russell

__________ 

 

April 1, 2026: It’s April Fools’ Day once again, in this long nightmare of fools. Donald Dumpling is still President of the United States.    

That says it all. 

I understand that my dear MAGA friends – admittedly a dwindling bunch – have often accused me of “hating” Donald J. Trump; but I don’t “do” hate. Hate is toxic. When coupled with fear of the hated, for example witches, gays and Jews, the haters start burning the witches, beating up the gays, and gassing the last.

Hatred and fear always lead to no good end.

 

The first time I really understood how bad Trump would be was when he had just stepped off the escalator in Trump Tower and tried to convince the American people that Mexican immigrants were mostly “rapists” and “murderers.” He launched his political career by stoking hate and spreading fear. 

 

***

So how are we doing on this day and this season for Fools?

 

1. I think we must admit that Donald fooled us when he promised he could end the war in Ukraine in one day. 

2. He duped the suckers again when he promised to bring down prices on “Day 1,” if we would only vote for him again in 2024. 

3. In a recent CNN poll, only 27% of Americans said they approved of the president’s handling of inflation. 

4. I am assuming that includes Amish people, who drive buggies.

Trump fans - maybe?

 

Today, the average price of a gallon of gas in the United States is surprisingly high: Four dollars, plus! 

 

5. Also surprisingly high: Beef prices. HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. has a suggestion. He says we should all eat liver, because it’s cheap. 

6. Or chew gristle. 

7. Meanwhile, Donald is trying to fool his fans into thinking everyone loves him and that he deserves a third term in office, and probably a fourth, fifth, and sixth (even if that means he ends up embalmed). Last week, he waddled over to Fox News, where he complained about the terrible opinion polls done by Fox News. “I hate Fox polls,” he told the five hosts on The Five. 

“Honestly, whoever does your polls are terrible.”

 

8. Fox showed Donald with an approval rating of 41%. 

9. Did you know Donald is the first man or woman to run for president ever to sue a polling operation that said he was behind? 

Well, now you do. 

10. On this April Fools’ Day, the fool is Trump. RealClearPolitics, which aggregates polls, plugs his overall approval rating at 41.1 percent.

 

 

In fact, the president is going to have to hire more lawyers, because all the polls indicate his support is tanking fast.

 

 

 

No new foreign wars! 

11. Fooling fools is what Donald does best. In his second Inaugural Address, he promised he would never get us involved in any dumb foreign wars. 

12. You may recall, however, that Trump fooled himself last summer and agreed to join the Israelis and bomb Iran’s nuclear sites. 

13. 13. The White House was so excited to announce the success of those attacks that it ran a story under the banner below: 

Naturally, Donald was quoted, crowing about his great victory. “Monumental Damage was done to all Nuclear sites in Iran, as shown by satellite images. Obliteration is an accurate term!” 

“Bullseye,” he added for fun. 

 

14. Then the Israelis announced that the attacks had “set back Iran’s ability to develop nuclear weapons by many years [emphasis added, unless otherwise noted].” 

15. In fact, Secretary of Killing People Pete Hegseth was miffed to find that certain people (who probably walked all over the Stars and Stripes) had dared to question the perfect success of that attack. As he put it, we had “obliterated Iran’s ability to create nuclear weapons. Our massive bombs hit exactly the right spot at each target and worked perfectly. The impact of those bombs is buried under a mountain of rubble in Iran; so anyone who says the bombs were not devastating is just trying to undermine the President and the successful mission.” 

16. Then Director of National Intelligence, Tulsi Gabbard, decided to go for the Big Fool Kill. First, she posted this – which, of course, Fox News duly reported: 

 

17. Next, Tulsi decided to lambast the “propaganda media” for denying Donald’s magnificent accomplishment. 

18. Then Donald’s easily fooled MAGA fans started chanting, “Fake News, Fake News,” as if on cue. 

19. Then Donald claimed that anyone who dared suggest that Iran’s nuclear facilities had not been bombed back to the Stone Age secretly hated the brave pilots and crews that dropped the bombs. 

20. For good measure, he said reporters who doubted what he said were “BAD AND SICK PEOPLE,” capitalizing randomly, just for fun. 

21. He even called one CNN reporter “scum.” 

(Like I said above, I don’t “do” hate but The Dumpling absolutely does.) 

 

22. I think Trump is a repulsive human being and I wouldn’t want him for a neighbor and wouldn’t have him for a friend.

 

23. Once again, the people who were easily fooled – maybe because the red baseball caps they loved were too tight and cut off blood to their brains, decided that all the people who questioned President Trump had TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome), whereas they were cool and MAGA people had the inside scoop.

24. Then something weird happened – which not even Press Secretary Karolyn Leavitt – a skilled and creative liar if ever there was one, could possibly explain. The Israelis warned Trump – again – that the Iranians were just minutes – if not nano-seconds – away from putting the finishing touches on their first atomic bombs. 

25. And if we didn’t bomb them back to the Stone Age again – or possibly back to the Mesozoic Era – they would arm those bombs and blow us all to Kingdom Come. 

26. So, we bombed Iran again on February 28, which should have alerted every man, woman and child over the age of four, that maybe the people listed above (see #13-17) had fooled them once more.

Sending the Iranians back to the Stone Age! Twice!!

 

27. Next, the president told a reporter that we had had no choice but to act quick, the previous week, because “if we didn’t do what we’re doing right now, you would have had a nuclear war, and they [the Iranians] would have taken out many countries.” 

Narnia, for sure. 

28. Did you know Donald stopped a war between Narnia and Wakanda, just one of the 112 wars he has stopped so far? 

Donald was awarded the FIFA Peace Prize - and award that never existed before.

He even got a medal - like he was in the Special Olympics, or something.

 

29. Then we had to continue bombing all through March and drop a few bombs to start the new month, just to keep warm. 

30. Well, April Fools, people in Iran – because we and you are NOT AT WAR. Did you not notice? Still, you might want to get your children to bomb shelters next time you hear the air raid sirens go off. 

31 The Dumpling, himself, told Fox News that it was “a little excursion,” not a war. Then he said it was a “military operation.” 

32. But, no, no, noooooooooooooo … It was not a war! 

33. Then Speaker of the House Mike Johnson tried to fool as many people as he could – you know, to do his patriotic part. And he said the operation was “narrowly tailored,” kind of like a suit. 

34. Then President Trump decided he should trundle off to Mar-a-Lago during the first weekend of the war and play a bit of golf. 

35. That was so much fun, he trundled off again, the second weekend of the war. 

36. And the third. 

37. Not to mention the fourth. And each time he flew south, it cost the taxpayers an estimated $3 million. 

38. Which, my dear MAGA fans, is a lot and you must help foot the bill. So that your hero can whack a little white ball.

 

39. As of April 1, the estimated cost of all his trips to Mar-a-Lago and Doral in just this second term is $101.2 million. And he has spent 110 days golfing at properties he owns – and – fun fact – the Trump Organization charges Secret Service agents for drinks, food and lodging while they guard his lard ass. 

(Yes: He deserves protection – and no one should be shooting at him. On that we can all agree.) 

 

We’re on the same side as … Iran! 

40. This has been an excellent season for fooling some of the people all of the time, in fact, a continuation of a decade spent doing the same. For example, Mr. Trump continues to call climate change a “hoax.” Even though all the countries in the world, except four, support the Paris Accords, an agreement to work to slow the threat. 

41. There are three countries that have never signed on to the Accords, namely: 

Iran (!) 

Yemen (!) 

– and – 

Libya (!).

 

42. Fun fact: Going back to the days of Ronald Reagan, the United States has bombed all three. 

43. The fourth country, which first signed up, and then dropped out, is the United States, because … Trump is a clueless dope. 

44. Also, Donald continues to tell everyone – even Melania, who has no choice but to pretend she cares – that windmills cause cancer. 

45. Which makes Melania wonder how anyone so dumb ever got elected president once, let alone twice.

Windmills in Indiana - all the farmers are probably dead.

 

46. So, April Fools, parents and grandparents, your descendants are going to pay a stiff price for Donald’s stupidity and duplicity. 

47. That goes for my descendants, as well. 

 

“We’ll start paying off that debt like water.” 

48. If we stop to list some of the greatest April Fools’ Day tricks of Donald Trump’s trickster career, we have no choice but to include this promise from the vaults. “We will have a cheaper, better healthcare plan than Obama.” And, he said it would be ready in weeks. 

That was in March 2019. 

49. If you are the MAGA type, I think you should go to your front window and start looking down the street – both ways – to see when the Trumpcare Plan is going to be delivered to your house. 

50. You will probably need a chair. 

51. And snacks. 

52. How about this promise from 2018, which was basically repeated in 2025, regarding the tax cuts pushed through by Team Trump and their Fat Cat pals? “We have $21 trillion in debt,” Trump said. “When this [tax cut] really kicks in we’ll start paying off that debt like water.” Water, he said!!! 

53. Even better was the grandiose claim made by The Dumpling, that given eight years in office, he would wipe out the federal deficit. Not just reduce it to zero while he was in the White House and/or his private club at Mar-a-Lago. He would wipe out the damage done by all previous presidents, combined. 

Trump would even wipe out the debt caused by President Millard Fillmore.

(Admit it: You've never heard to him, have you?)

 

54. Sadly, this was more of Donald’s Miracle Math, but the poor MAGA faithful feel for it once more. 

55. The federal deficit recently passed $39,000,000,000,000, meaning the deficit has almost doubled since Donald first took charge. 

56. So maybe it wasn’t “like water,” but more like sewage. 

57. Yes. Other presidents, like “Sleepy Joe,” helped dig this deep, dark, deficit hole; but the Trump tax cuts have primarily helped people like Elon Musk, a Fat Cat currently worth $800 billion. 

58. Imagine for a moment that you were worth $800 billion. If the federal government raised your taxes by 3%, would you be sad? 

You’d still have $776 billion.

 

59. A number of my MAGA friends got mad, during Donald’s first term, because I said I wasn’t impressed when he donated his presidential salary ($400,000 per year) – or at least did during his first three years. 

60. I pointed out recently that the president had raised the initiation fee to belong to Mar-a-Lago to a million dollars per membership – which I am hoping includes close family members. So, he was doing quite well. Did you know Trump’s club has 500 members? Well, I think you can do the math. 

61. Now Dumpling Don says he was a “schmuck” for giving away all that dough. 

62. But don’t fret MAGA fans, Donald is doing great. His personal wealth increased in just one year, 2025, by a sweet three billion dollars. 

63. Good thing he cut taxes for billionaires like himself!!!

 

64. And let’s toss a little extra Miracle Math into the mix. Lately, Mr. Trump has started bragging about how he is going to reduce drug prices by 400, 600, even as much as 1500 percent! 

65. For real, who believes this guy? Maybe people who love liver??? (See: #5, above.)

A happy MAGA Man.

 

Still lying about how elections are won and lost. 

66. Meanwhile, Donald stays busy lying constantly about winning the 2020 election; and he makes sure his MAGA supporters are fooled and re-fooled. Here, we could list a thousand examples, but let’s stick to a couple of my personal favorites. One of his big claims was that Democrats rigged the voting machines in 2020, and stole 6,000 votes in Antrim County, Michigan – proving they could steal votes at will. 

67. A hand recount in Antrim,  a county where Republicans controlled the vote-counting process from start to end, showed the vote was off by 12. The Dumpling Dope was off by 5,988, which (out of 6,000) is a lot. 

68. In the same way, Trump fans were fooled when Donald said he won Georgia by hundreds of thousands of votes in 2020. 

69. In the January 4, 2021, tape-recorded call linked below, you can listen to Donald ask three Republican officials to “find” 11,780 votes so he can “win” Georgia’s electoral votes. Listen carefully if you love democracy. 

70. And don’t be fooled. 

LISTEN TO THE CALL.

 

71. I have politely suggested to my Trump-worshipping friends that they listen to this call; but as far as I can tell, none has dared. 

72. It’s almost as if they prefer being fooled. 

73. Suppose those three GOP officials had been crooks and had agreed to dig up all those “votes.” That would have been more election fraud than Texas officials have uncovered in the 2016, 2020 and 2024 elections combined. 

74. And might I just say that those of us who revere the Constitution, no matter our political preferences, want voter fraudsters to be caught and sent to prison. So good job, Texas! In 2024, you caught this bum, who wanted to be mayor of Carrollton in the worst possible way. Now he’ll be spending four years in jail. 

75. At any rate, two days after that call failed, Trump fans by the thousands attacked the Capitol in a misguided effort to “Stop the Steal.” 

76. The man asking officials to steal the most votes of all, was The Dumpling, himself. (See: #69, above, and read it again.) 

77. Also, don’t be a chump. Listen to that damn call.

 

78. April Fools’ my MAGA friends. Watching Fox News might be damaging your cognitive skills. Consider just one frightening tale, from 2020, torn from the pages of Sean Hannity’s comedy show. Remember when Sean said that 95,000 illegal immigrants were registered to vote in Texas? 

79. And, whoa, Nelly, did that piss you off! 

80. In fact, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton fueled the furor when he claimed that 58,000 of those folks had cast ballots, for real. 

81. Then Donald picked up the claim and screamed bloody murder, and insisted Democrats always cheated to win, and called this massive fraud just “the tip of the iceberg.” 

82. And, wow, the easily fooled were fooled again. 

83. It was almost pitiful, if I’m being frank. 

84. When Paxton sent out lists of those hordes of illegal voters to all 254 counties in Texas, those lists quickly proved that Paxton was goose poop. In McClennan County, for instance, clerks got a list of 366 names – but it quickly turned out that there were 0 illegal voters on that list, giving Team Paxton an impressive 100% error rate. 

85. Harris County, which includes the city of Houston, got a list with 30,000 names. So, clerks started checking and found that at least 18,000 names on the list were honest-to-gosh U.S. citizens, and the whole mess became so embarrassing that Team Paxton told the counties to stop checking and forget he ever asked. 

86. In the end, according to one federal judge, it appeared that the actual total of illegal voters in Texas was 80 at most. 

87. But the folks in Texas were every ready to catch men, women, and leprechauns who were illegally registered to vote. This time they flagged 2,724 names of “potential non-citizens” who might have signed up on the rolls. 

88. You know me. I don’t like Donald J. Trump, and I don’t trust him any farther than I can throw a bank-quality safe. 

89. So, bear with me, while I do the math. If Donald wanted officials to steal 11,780 votes, and Texas caught all those 2,724 “potential” crooks for real, Donald would still be ahead on the crookery scale. 

90. Feel free to check my math, if you think Donald isn’t fooling you, but I am. Use a calculator if you must. 

First, we take the 11,780 votes that he wanted stolen – then we subtract the 2,724 votes (maybe) that illegals hoped to cast in Texas – leaving Donald 9,056 ahead. 

Or, put another way, Donald’s crime, had the three Georgia officials been willing to carry it out, would have been four times greater than the combined potential crimes of all those possible illegals Texas now claims to have found. 

 

Fooled and fooled again. And again, and yet again! 

91. You might imagine that the people who were fooled would get mad at the people who kept fooling them – but for years, the fooled have not. 

92. Remember when Donald promised he could prove President Obama was born in Kenya, or on Mars, and the MAGA folks fell for that line? In 2011, Trump said he would send investigators to Hawaii and prove that Obama’s birth certificate was fake! 

93. The red baseball cap folks spent the next five years howling in fear. Then in 2016, when Candidate Don realized his claims made him sound racist, and might hurt his chances to win his first run for president, he admitted in nine measly words, that Obama was a born in America all along. 

94. And, unbelievably, the MAGAs missed their hero’s admission and kept screaming that Obama was a Muslim, and not American at all. 

95. Then Donny tried to blame Hillary for spreading the “birther lie” – such as making him say he would send investigators to Hawaii and prove the Obama birth certificate was fake. 

Like he was her ventriloquist dummy. 

And, holy moly, the MAGAs even fell for that!

Hillary made him talk nonsense.

 

96. Then they fell for that absurd Pizzagate fable. The tall tale about how Hillary Clinton and the Democrats were running a child sex-trafficking ring out of the basement of a pizza parlor in D.C. 

97. Then one poor dolt showed up with an assault-style rifle (of course), intending to free the trapped children in the pizza parlor and shot off the lock to a closet door. And found zero trapped kids. 

And the poor fool spent four years behind bars. 

98. Then the QAnon-variant of the “We Love Trump” crowd got fooled into believing that in some magical way, Joe Biden was going to be grabbed off the stage and arrested before he could give his 2021 Inaugural Address. 

99. And Donald would appear out of a trap door and take office again. 

100. Only that didn’t happen, as we all know, and I almost feel sorry for people so easily duped. 

101. Then gullibility morphed again – into the “Joe Biden is a Robot” story, who was supposedly controlled by… ah, f**k. 

Who knows? 

102. Then the easily fooled MAGA faithful believed it when they were told that Michelle Obama was a man, which meant Barack was gay. So that it seemed as if, to observers such as me, that no matter how nonsensical a tall tale might be, if you served it up to folks on the right, they would gobble it up and never think twice. 

 

Epstein Files fun. 

103. If you wear the official red MAGA baseball cap and matching red MAGA undies/panties, or both (see: #137, below), I wonder. Do you even know who Mr. Alex Acosta is? While Hillary Clinton was busy not running a sex-trafficking ring out of a pizza parlor, Acosta was cutting Jeffrey Epstein a sweet “mostly get out of jail free” deal down in Palm Beach, Florida back in 2008. 

104. That meant Jeffrey got to plead guilty to two measly crimes – when, in fact, detectives had turned up dozens of young victims. 

And that meant Epstein was able to abuse and traffic hundreds of girls and young women for another decade before he was stopped. 

105. And if you don’t know, because you only listen to MAGA-friendly news, Acosta was a member of Trump’s cabinet during his first term – as Secretary of Labor, and when he had to resign after the story of the Sweet Epstein Plea Deal broke, Trump never uttered a syllable against the man.

Trump 45 with Mr. Acosta.

 

106. Plus, the story of that Deal was broken by the free press, in the form of Julie K. Brown of the Miami Herald, and anyone who thinks that reporters are “Enemies of the People” is someone no sentient American should trust. 

107. Also, we should fear powerful individuals who call reporters “scum.” (See: #21.) 

 

108. Then, weirdly, Donald Dumpling told reporters in the summer of 2025 that he hadn’t really thought about a pardon for Ghilsaine Maxwell, the woman who aided and abetted Epstein’s crimes at every step along his tortuous path, and who was by that time serving twenty years behind bars. 

But sure, he added helpfully, “I’m allowed to do it.” 

109. Which would be true, sadly, if he had something he really wanted to cover up. 

110. And at another point, Donald said he wished Ghislaine “well,” whereas he had had loads of fun trashing cabinet members like Gen. James Mattis, his first Secretary of Defense, when Mattis stepped down from his post. 

111. But not Alex Acosta. Alex was the best! 

112. In fact, Donald has never said an unkind word about Ghislaine Maxwell, either, despite her decades-long history of crimes.

 

113. Then, in June 2025, Newsmax announced that it was adding Mr. Acosta to its Board of Directors, which smelled more than a little fishy to me. 

114. They couldn’t add Epstein, of course, because he was dead. 

115. And who was Florida’s Attorney General, in 2018, when the Herald broke the true story of the sweet Epstein Deal – and who could have reopened a state case, had she been so inclined? 

116. You will never guess. 

117. Okay, it was Pam Bondi herself, now suddenly (as of April 2, 2026), the former Attorney General of the United States! So you could even say that AG Bondi has been fooled, and she’s out with the baby and the bath water and the kitchen sink, all gone, kit and kaboodle, lock, stock and barrel. 

Kaput.

 

118. The fools were fooled and fooled again, and again, and again. Remember when Bondi said in February 2025, that she had a list of Epstein’s clients sitting right there on her desk? Why, if you closed your MAGA peepers you could almost see it … and see all those Democrats’ names on that list. 

All Pam had to do was reach out and touch it … 

119. And Pam invited a bunch of right-wing podcaster and influencer fools to the White House and gave them impressive binders full of evidence that could be used to blow the lid off the Epstein coverup. 

120. And they were so proud! They waved those binders under the noses of the “Fake New” folks. 

Justice was coming and evildoers would pay, and the podcasters and influencers of this strange world would lead the way. 

121. And one lucky influencer known as “DCDraino” (get it) was so stoked with his binder full of evidence that he announced on X, “This is the most transparent administration in American history.” 

122. Then AG Bondi announced she didn’t really have a list – well, maybe a grocery list – and everyone, but especially Donald J. Trump, was innocent, and go back to sleep my MAGA friends.

Look how happy they were with their binders full of nothing.

 

123. Then Donald spent months trying to block release of any of the Epstein Files. Suddenly, he was a fan of zero files being released. 

124. Then Team Bondi went 0 for 2025, when it came to making Epstein client arrests, and started this year off wrong by going 0 for January, 0 for February, and 0 for March. 

125. And now she’s out and Todd Blanche, whose old job was serving as Trump’s personal defense lawyer, is going to be Acting Attorney General. 

126. And Todd once defended Donald in a case where Donald was convicted on 34 felony counts. 

127. So, you might go out on a limb and argue that he would not be the best choice to lead the Department of Justice. 

Or even a Boy Scout troop.

Blanche has already said it's time to move on from the Epstein Files.

 

128. Then again, Donald’s first choice for Attorney General, to start his second term was former Congressman Matt Gaetz. And Gaetz was a “former” lawmaker because a House investigation had shown that he paid prostitutes to have sex with him and his rich friends, and that included at least one minor. 

Also, Matt had done a lot of illegal drugs. 

129. Nor should we forget that Ghislaine Maxwell was moved from a prison for hard-ass criminals after Todd Blanche interviewed her last summer, and now she’s in a facility where she can pet kittens, and ask for meals to be brought to her cell. You could pole vault out of the place, if you only had a pole and got a running start. 

Maxwell's new prison is set up like a campus.

 

130. And, if you forgot, Ghislaine told Todd that she never saw Donald do anything terrible – why that Orange Saint would never grab pussy, even if he once bragged that he could if he liked, and, wouldn’t it be nice if the President of the United States, that same Donald J. Trump, would consider commuting her sentence and letting her out of jail early. Like nineteen years. 

131. We need to wrap this list up before any readers kill themselves; but speaking of fools, even former Secretary of the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Kristi Noem found out this week that she had been fooled. 

132. First, she was fooled into spending $220 million (of taxpayers’ monies) into making movies about what DHS does – mostly featuring herself, as, for example, riding a horse named Deficit Spending. 

133. Okay, I made that name up.

Kristi was so happy on her horse.

 

134. But I am not making this up. Kristi spent $3,781 on hair and makeup services, to make sure she looked good, and another $20,000 to rent horses to make herself look kind of Cowgirl Cool. 

135. So, taxpayers, both MAGA and non-MAGA types, were the fools who paid taxes and the butts of that April Fools’ joke.  

136. Even better, if you were Kristi Noem, a fat chunk of that pile of loot, $143 million to be exact, went into a no-bid contract to Safe America Media, which had been incorporated a mere eight days before. And that contract was most likely a front to ensure that a big payoff went to some of Kristi’s closest friends. 

Also, maybe for extra oats for the horses. 

137. Then Kristi got blindsided to end the month when her husband Bryon was exposed for having dressed up as a woman and interacted with “bimbofication” models online. That is, women who uses various tricks to create gigantic boobs, which they can show off for profit and fun. 

Kind of Republican “family values” gone bad.

 

138. As, also Pete Hegseth, having sex with a woman – not his wife – who says she was drugged. 

139. And HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. (true: A Democrat), who documented his affairs with 37 women, but somehow still seems like Donald’s kind of guy. 

(That guy loves liver.)

 

140. And Donald, of course, lying to all his wives, and grabbing the proverbial pussy every time he had the chance. 

141. And yet, the Evangelicals loved Donald and posted pictures of Jesus having Donald’s back. 

142. And to put it bluntly, questioning in front of a congressional panel seemed to show that Kristi had a f**k buddy, Corey Lewandowski, who worked under her at DHS, and they were riding around on an expensive new DHS jet that had a bedroom in back. 

143. Then we learned (unless we were still being fooled), that DHS had paid another $200 million for those two flying bedrooms where Kristi and Corey could have sex. 

144. For real. I don’t make this shit up.

 

145. So, if you were not a walking, talking fool, and you considered the backgrounds of people like Acosta, and Gaetz, and Blanche, and Kristi and Corey, you started to wonder what kind of person would hire such people to enforce the laws. 

146. Well, it was him: 

His followers think Donald is Jesus.

 

Sadly, the fooling has continued day in, day out, and the fooled continue not to have a whiff of a clue. For instance, Donald promised that tariff costs would not be passed on to U.S. importers and consumers. 

And his silly fans believed. 

147. Donald promised that tariff money would reduce the federal deficit, while at the same time we would all get $2,000 tariff rebate checks. It was kind of Miracle Math again, spending the same dollars twice. 

148. Even better, tariffs could be used to “substantially reduce” the income tax! So he spent the imaginary windfall a third time. 

149. And Donald fooled himself. He believed in his own nonsense, which made it all much worse. 

150. In fact, Donald often fooled himself – as when he first decided he deserved the Nobel Peace Prize during his first term in office. Remember? Donald made friends with Kim Jong-un and claimed the North Koreans were going to hand over all their nukes! 

151. But if they didn’t hand them over – but they, really, really, really would – it would be “fire and fury” time. 

152. Six years later, Kim still hasn’t coughed up even one single nuke, and the North Koreans continue to build their arsenal. 

153. So, April Fools,’ we bombed Iran, instead.

The first time Trump said he deserved the Nobel Peace Prize.

North Korea was going to give him all the nukes.

 

154. Then Donald started demanding that comedians be fired and his fooled fans didn’t blanche. 

155. Then Donald and Donald’s choice for head of the Federal Communications Commission started talking about taking licenses away from broadcasters who kept running stories to make Donald look bad. 

For example, stories saying that the Iran War was not going exactly as planned. (See: #13-17, above.) 

156. And the MAGA fools still didn’t blanche. It was like they were too f**king deluded to realize how every president from this time forward could stifle the free press, if Donald got away with this dangerous twist. 

Then we’d be eternally screwed. 

 

Stirring up hate works – and Donald knows it works. 

157. And every time reporters wrote stories that Donald didn’t like, he called them “Enemies of the People,” and I thought my MAGA friends might cringe. 

158. And they did not. 

159. And what about all that bonus hate Donald has spread? Did the fools really believe that Haitian immigrants were eating the pets? 

160. When Donald called Somali immigrants “garbage,” were the faithful fooled again? Or, in that case, was old-fashioned racism merely alive and well? 

161. And how was it possible that the fools didn’t sniff this one out – when Donald complained that immigrants today don’t come from cool countries like Norway, Sweden, and Denmark (hint: white immigrants), but from “shithole countries” like Niger and Nigeria and Somalia (hint: non-white immigrants). 

162. In fact, how was it possible that the fools believed, back in 2018, when Donald said he never called countries “shitholes,” because he had a black friend – maybe Bill Cosby – or did they just not care if they got fooled? 

And now, he just told a rally crowd that he did. And he sounded proud. And he was even strangely amused. 

163. That asshole was telling his fans that he lied – and they still missed the glaring truth. That the man is a lying machine.

 

 

164. Of course, all demagogues know that you can fool people if you blind them with hate. Now we have the latest variant from Mr. Trump and his fans. That is, all Muslims in America, all four million plus, want to kill us non-Muslim folks. 

165. If you walk past a Muslim in Costco, they are not there to stock up on pretzels and chips. They are planning to follow you around and when you pick up a giant box of Cheerios, they will slit your throat, and you will bleed out right there in Aisle 38. 

166. Also, we are all going to have to follow Sharia law soon – as soon as those four million Muslim Americans take control from the other 326 million of us. See, for example, the GOP candidate for governor of Florida scaring the dopes. And the other Republican, from Texas, bashing Islam, and suggesting we need to deport 100 million people, which would mean deporting roughly 86 million U.S. citizens for fun. 

167.And this fear mongering has fueled the kind of irrational hate demagogues love to stir up, and other Republican politicians have added to the cacophony and suggested that Muslim Americans don’t deserve religious freedom and should be kicked out of the United States. 

168. I sorry to say this to the poor fools who keep getting fooled, but I remember my American history, and it seems like it’s 1854, again, when the Know Nothing Party decided that Irish immigrants (read: Catholic) were going to ruin the United States. 

169. And I know what happened in 1942, when we locked up 110,000 Japanese Americans (most of them citizens with the same rights as you or me) because they looked like people three thousand miles away who bombed Pearl Harbor. And our parents and grandparents gave in to hate and fear, and were fooled back then, themselves.

An internment camp for Japanese Americans - 1942.

 

170. And I believe it’s probably 100% true (or 1500% if we use Miracle Math) that Congressman Andy Ogles, who says Muslims don’t belong in American society, has never heard of the 442nd Regimental Combat Team, an all-Japanese American infantry unit that won more medals than any other American unit in World War II. 

Because Andy is a hater, just like Donald J. Trump, and would have been one of the people who called those Japanese Americans “rats” back in the day. 

 

171. And I’ll be damned! 

172. The MAGA faithful still don’t recognize all the threats, religious, speech, press, and otherwise, that Donald and his toadies have made to the First Amendment, the most important amendment of all. 

 

Save the women and children and billionaires first. 

173. If you’re trying to be a demagogue, you must fool your fans into thinking your political foes don’t just disagree with your tax policies. No. You must label them “radical left lunatics.” 

174. And the lesser fearmongers must follow the lead and label everyone they don’t like “communists” and pray the fools can be stirred to hate and fear. 

175. In reality, of course, most of us who vote blue believe if the billionaire class keeps piling up billions, then tax policies aren’t really killing the rich. 

Because they’re still billionaires.

 

175. And those of us who vote blue aren’t really socialists or communists. (Although a minute portion of Americans are.) We just think all Americans should have affordable healthcare coverage – and if not that, children at least. 

176. And we hope to see the Republican healthcare plan real soon… 

177. But we are definitely not going to hold our breath. 

178. Indeed, there’s no reason to be afraid, my dear, so easily duped MAGA friends. The commies aren’t hiding under your beds. 

179. Consider a few actual numbers, regarding the imaginary commie/socialist threat. In 2024, the presidential candidate from the Party for Socialism and Liberation got 165,191 votes – missing out on the win by a mere 77 million. 

180. And the American Socialist Party got another 41,853 votes, missing out on the win by even more. 

181. And the Socialist Equality Party “piled up” 4,650 votes. And another socialist candidate for president, Rachel Fruit, had 4,118 votes. 

182, And Lucifer Everyone, an unaffiliated choice for Oval Office fame, got 2,653, but that’s kind of beside the point, I admit. 

183. And the Prohibition Party, running on a platform first made popular in 1919, had 1,144 votes. 

184. And, finally, I cannot resist mentioning my absolute favorite candidate, the man who garnered widespread support – to the tune of 914 votes, your choice for President of the United States: Mr. Vermin Supreme. 

185. Really. That was his name. 

186. I am afraid President Trump might hear about the man and make him his next choice to head the F.B.I. 

187. So, my poor dear fools, you who are so regularly played for chumps, while you were worried sick about the commies, the Billionaire Class was busy buying the kind of government they wanted to have. 

188. For instance, you had Elon Musk spending $277 million during the 2024 campaign to get the kind of people he wanted elected to office. Such as candidates who would always fight to keep the government from raising taxes on people like… You and me … 

189. Ha, ha. No. On people like Elon, and Elon’s poorer brother Kimbal, who isn’t worth even multiple billions, so that when they go out for burgers, Kimbal always tries to make Elon pick up the tab. 

And then Elon gets mad and says, “What do you think I am, a trillionaire?” 

(Well, maybe someday, right.) 

  

190. And bear with me a little longer, while I point out that people like Elon and Kimbal, and Donald J. Trump, and other billionaires like Steve Tisch, and Leon Black, and Bill Gates filled the pages of the Epstein Files. 

191. And someone whose initials are DJT wanted you to ignore those Files and keep focused on the pet-eating immigrants, and the Muslim Americans who wanted to slit your throats. 

192. Which, now that I think of it, is just a fresh spin on the Mexican “rapists” and “murderers” so popular in 2015. 

193. In fact, you should think about what Lord Acton once said: “Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Today, instead of kings who could order executioners to chop off their enemies’ heads, we have Fat Cats who can use their “money power” to shape a government they love.

 

194. Sadly, the fooling is working so well that we know there’s no way Donald will ever quit. For example, you can win voter support by warning that the Democratic Communist Transgender Lunatic Party is turning all our young men into sissies, just because that evil party is pushing a “woke” agenda, and making fun of real macho, MAGA studs. 

195. Plus, you can scare people by claiming that public school teachers hate America and all they want to do is teach children about slavery and make white kids ashamed of their own skin. 

196. So, I will say, report on my experience, since I taught about slavery, which is part of our nation’s history (and not a good part), and I’m white. I never owned slaves. So, if I hear about slavery (or teach about it) I’m not making anyone feel shame, nor am I feeling any shame myself. 

197. One of my ancestors (also named John Viall), who died in 1686, did own six slaves. But that’s on him. 

198. That John and a bunch of my other ancestors were Puritans – the folks who hanged witches at Salem in 1692. But I had nothing to do with that, either. 

So, I’m cool. 

199. And if you’re really scared by the “woke agenda” I can tell you, I’m old enough to remember when the lives of girls were severely circumscribed, and we’ve just been working over recent decades to even up the options for both sexes, and (maybe) help out the trans kids, too. Really, look up the rules. In girls’ 6-on-6 basketball, when I was a boy, no player was allowed to run up and down the length of the court. Girls were considered too delicate and weak. 

200 Let me close with advice, if you have been fooled and you believe your son is being turned into a wimp by all the “woke” folks. I suggest you knock the cellphone out of the boy’s hands and hit the video game console with a sledgehammer and tell the young man to haul his ass outside and play in the dirt.