ICE in Action: Even Donald Doesn't Know Who to Arrest

 

ICE in action: Cruelty and Confusion. 

Let’s make Rep. Randy Weber, congressman from Texas, the poster boy for the cruel and unusual punishments being unnecessarily inflicted upon undocumented immigrants, only a fraction of whom are hardened criminals, or real threats to this country. Recently, Rep. Weber showed up for a radio interview and started cracking a few jokes. 

In homage to his beloved president’s plan to pay illegal immigrants $1,000 to self-deport, Weber suggested flying them back to their home countries, but with a twist. Once overhead, he said, you could open an exit door and offer them a choice: money or a parachute. 

Funny, right! 

Enough to make Adolf Hitler laugh.

A regular comedian - Congressman Weber.

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Reasons not to approve of ICE tactics:  

1. An illegal immigrant in Colorado attacks a pro-Israel demonstration with a homemade flamethrower. Eight people are injured, including six with burns. One victim later dies of her injuries. 

(MAGA types insist this proves all undocumented persons should get the boot.) 

(The liberal blogger considers his crime heinous – but it’s his crime, no other’s.)

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2. A Minnesota man, and sometimes evangelical Christian preacher kills one Democratic politician, her husband, and wounds two others. 

(MAGA types don’t insist this proves all evangelicals are dangerous.) 

(The blogger knows it is stupid to blame entire groups.)

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3. An Alabama couple finds out the hard way that Trump immigration policies aren’t going to be nuanced or humane. Morgan Karimi voted for Donald, believing ICE would go after criminal scumbags. Sadly, ICE grabbed her husband Ribvar, 26, who had fled Iran. Mrs. Karimi says she and her family no longer support Donald.

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4. ICE agents decide to waste time and resources arresting a “dangerous” Massachusetts high school student, who has been living in this country, and going to school since age six. On his graduation weekend! 

(Do you feel safer, America?)

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5. The blogger thinks ICE should focus more on the flamethrower guys (See: #1) and not high school kids, who could be deported to countries they hardly know. Or to South Sudan – a hell hole. 

The astute American would quickly realize that sending deportees, particularly deportees with no criminal record, to South Sudan would be “cruel and unusual punishment.” 

Same goes for El Salvador.

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6. CBS News estimates that 47% of immigrant detainees currently in ICE custody have no criminal record.

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7. Narciso Barranco has sent three sons to the United States Marines. Two are currently serving. ICE just chased down their dad, who was doing landscaping work in Santa Anna, California. When agents pinned him to the ground, one started pummeling him in the head. 

(Across the U.S. Armed Forces, 19.5% of all personnel identify as Hispanic.)

 

Alejandro Barranco, Narciso’s oldest son, says his family feels “betrayed.” Part of his time in the Marines was spent on duty in Kabul, when Afghanistan fell, and thirteen Marines (like him) were killed by a suicide bomber. 

(“Thank you for your service.” Isn’t that what MAGAs say?)

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8. Federal agents nab a “dangerous mother” of three, including a five-year-old daughter with severe autism, and prepare to ship her to whatever country Donald Trump might choose. 

“Goodbye, mama.” 

The children are U.S. citizens.

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9. ICE agents strike fear in the hearts of dangerous criminals everywhere by arresting a former U.S. Army interpreter who helped our fighting men and women (and trans soldiers) in Afghanistan. 

“I came here to make a better life,” the Afghan-born refugee can be heard saying in video of his arrest. “I didn’t know that this would happen… I worked with the U.S. military.” His name has been withheld for fear of Taliban retaliation, if he is denied asylum.

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10. On Truth Social, on June 12, Mr. Trump changes course, regarding ICE enforcement. He’s like a moose learning to ice skate. 

“Our great farmers and people in the hotel and leisure business have been stating that our very aggressive policy on immigration is taking very good, long-time workers [emphasis added, unless otherwise noted] away from them, with those jobs being almost impossible to replace,” he explains. “We must protect our farmers,” he continues, “but get criminals out of the U.S.A. Changes are coming.”

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11. According to The New York Times, the next day an email goes out. ICE is ordered to stop acting like ICE until further notice (unless enforcement operations can be used to stir up blue cities like Los Angeles). 

“Effective today,” Tatum King, a top ICE official writes, “please hold on all work site enforcement investigations/operations on agriculture (including aquaculture and meat packing plants), restaurants and operating hotels.” 

Agents are also told to stop arresting “non-criminal collaterals,” or people who might be here illegally, but not criminals.

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12. According to U.S. Department of Agriculture estimates, as recently as 2022, 42% of farm workers in this country were undocumented, with another 19% authorized foreign workers or green card holders. 

(What happened to the Biden-caused “invasion” of illegals???)

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13. Extreme MAGA types and born haters in the Trump administration react with fury to the news of planned enforcement changes (#10).

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14. The moose on ice skates tries to change direction again but runs into the skating rink wall and breaks a leg. On Monday, June 17, The Washington Post reports that ICE agents have been told they must continue conducting immigration raids at agricultural businesses, hotels and restaurants. The first clarifications were already in the works on Sunday, and the “new instructions were shared [on Monday] in an 11 a.m. call to representatives from 30 field offices across the country.

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15. Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear dresses up as an ICE agent, stops your A+ Roofing van, and drags away five of your “criminal” employees. This is funny (except for the workers) because Vincent Scardina, the owner of said Florida company, is a big Trump supporter. 

(Criminals captured: 0.)

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16. “Thank you for your service,” as they say. Adrian Clouatre, who says he “gave up the best five years” of his life to serve with the Marines, is now short one wife. U.S. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement agents snatched her up when she showed up for a green card interview.  

The former Marine isn’t asking for much. “At the very least, I would like to be able to keep my wife,” he told a reporter. He and his spouse, Paolo, have two children, a 1-year-old boy, and a nine-week-old daughter. 

(Criminals captured: 0. American family members deprived of a loved one: 3)

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17. Glenn Valley Foods’ plant in Omaha, Nebraska is shut down, as ICE agents take away 76 undocumented employees and employees suspected of using false papers. (That would be 35% of the plant workforce.)

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18. Again, many of the workers taken have been in this country for years and have children who are citizens.

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19. Once again, the ICE guys who wear masks so we can’t figure out who they are, have snagged a “dangerous” illegal immigrant, this time, right here in Cincinnati, where the blogger lives. In this case, the wilily “killer” is Emerson Colindres, a 19-year-old high school graduate and soccer star. 

In fact, Colindres must have been secretly plotting a strike by not having a criminal record, as if to make himself look unthreatening, and cleverly showing up for a routine check-in with immigration authorities at their office in Blue Ash. 

No doubt, this “monster” has been waiting patiently, preparing to strike, having come here from Honduras at the age of eight. 

Clearly, as President Trump could explain, Emerson, is a threat to all of us, every day of our lives, just waiting to kick us to death with his soccer cleats. 

In fact, he comes from a nest of “vipers,” as Channel 19 explains: 

Fleeing persecution from gangs, Colindres’ mother, Baquedano Amador, has said she applied for asylum when she arrived in this country with her son and now-16-year-old daughter in 2014.

 

A judge denied her application, and the family was given a final order of removal in 2023.

 

ICE officials recently told his mother that she and her daughter must leave the country within 30 days.

 

Catholic charities have been trying to help the family – but I think this means all Catholics hate America and oppose the rule of law.

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20. Deporting criminals who want to slit our throats, that’s fine. The problem is that ICE recently grabbed Maria Isidro, wife of a Florida pastor, who had been living in this country for almost thirty years and shipped her back to Mexico. 

That arrest was announced on Facebook recently, by her daughter Daniella, who has now been deprived of her mom. 

“She’s just being treated as though she’s not a human,” a family friend says. 

(And this is exactly what Stephen Miller wants.)

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21. Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier announces a brilliant new plan for how to help ICE do God’s work. He will build a detention center in the middle of the Everglades, and surround it with “gators, crocs and snakes,” what he describes as a “low-cost” solution for detaining “criminal aliens.”

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22. Right-wing haters are ecstatic. “Alligator Alcatraz” merch goes on sale, kind of like if the Nazis had “Make Auschwitz Great Again” gear for sale, because what could be funnier than escapees being torn apart by hungry beasts! 

Or “undesirables” gassed.

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23. Leading hater, Laura Loomer, gets aroused just thinking about the fact that the Trump administration may soon deport 65 million illegals – which just so happens to be the number of all Latino individuals currently living in this country. 

 (Loomer is also a big hater of Muslims, including Muslim Americans.) 

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24. Striking swiftly, to protect us all from killer illegals, ICE arrests Moises Sotelo-Casas, described as “a popular Oregon vineyard owner,” who was caught in the act of going to church. His daughter, Alondra, told KGW8 NEWS, “He was in chains at his feet... everything was taken from him.” 

According to a GoFundMe set up by his family, the prisoner is a husband, father of three and a grandfather. 

In 2020, he was awarded the annual Vineyard Excellence Award by the Oregon Wine Board. So, I think we can all agree, his arrest now keeps us safe from corkscrews. Something like that. 

(Also: Killer grandpas.)

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25. ICE sweeps up another killer nursing school graduate off the streets, after Caroline Dias Goncalves, 19, is caught in the act of driving too close behind a truck in Colorado. Let off by the officer who stopped her, he notifies ICE, and another “horrible” human being is taken away.

 (As the MAGAs love to say, “I voted for this.”)

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26. If you did, you are kind of a giant asshole, I would say. Heretofore, Goncalves was protected by the DACA program – and for that reason, for now, she has been able to retain a lawyer and has been released from detention. 

Are we sure we need to be protected from her? 

And not ICE? 

Goncalves - a danger to others?

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27. In another raid, ICE agents arrest four restaurant workers in San Diego, who are doubtless intent on poisoning the food of unsuspecting MAGA diners – which, of course, has never happened before. They also chased down a worker at a car wash, where I think the danger was, he might have scratched cars’ paint. Also, they showed up at an LA Fitness gym, ready to grab any illegals who might drop dumbbells on patrons’ heads; and, best of all, they keep showing up for immigration court hearings and handcuffing dangerous illegals who have come to court as required.

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28. The men and women (but no transgenders!) of ICE have grabbed another killer off the streets. This time they arrest the wife of a Ayssac Correa, a sergeant in the U.S. Army, and deport her. 

By one estimate, as many as 80,000 undocumented spouses and parents of active-duty personnel may be living in this country. 

Wouldn’t it be great if one of the Marines Trump sent to Los Angeles to help ICE, ended up helping deport his or her own parents! 

(Laura Loomer would be thrilled, as would be White House advisor Stephen Miller.) 

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29. After ginning up anti-immigrant terror for years, Donald Trump is slowly coming to the realization that Donald is a dope. (We could have told him that in 2015, as soon as he and Melania came floating down that golden escalator.) 

Suddenly, he realizes that all Mexicans aren’t “killers” and “rapists,” and he’s changing deportation strategy again!! 

On Friday, June 20, he announces his latest plan. He wants farmers to know they might be able to keep employing undocumented migrant workers without fearing ICE will come grab them before they can load all the lettuce on the trucks. 

“We’re looking at doing something where in the case of good, reputable farmers, they can take responsibility for the people that they hire, and let them have responsibility, because we can’t put the farms out of business, and at the same time, we don’t want to hurt people that aren’t criminals,” Trump tells reporters.

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30. Really, President Moron? You “don’t want to hurt people that aren’t criminals?” Really!!! 

Tell the pastor’s wife (above). 

Or the soccer kid who was here in Cincinnati (above). 

But now he’s gone. 

Fuck! Who the fuck thinks President Moron really knows what the fuck he’s doing at this point?

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31. The agents from ICE move swiftly, once more, to make America safe from 64-year-old criminal immigrants working in their garden with sharp gardening tools. Such as trowels. Madonna “Donna” Kashanian has lived in this country for 47 years, since fleeing Iran – and has no known criminal record. But now, maybe we can deport her back to Iran, so bombs can fall on her head. 

As The Guardian reports, the ever-dangerous Kashanian “often shared Persian recipes on YouTube and was active in her daughter’s schools.” Reporters add that arrests of illegal immigrants who do not have criminal records have increased by 807% since Donald and his heartless pals have taken over.

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32. When ICE catches real murderers and rapists and that type, it’s a win. So good job, at least part of the time! In the case of Edvin Giovanni Ceron-Reyes, 37, an illegal alien and Guatemalan citizen who had previously been convicted of attempted murder, they now have him in custody and are set to deport his ass. 

(Of course, he wasn’t much of a threat at the time, as he was already serving 20 years in prison.)

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33. It would appear that ICE sucks at catching real threats. According to Arthu Sahakyan, “[President] Trump is not trying to do anything bad,” when it comes to undocumented immigrants. No. 

“He wants the best for the country.” 

Meanwhile, ICE has grabbed his wife, Arpineh Masihi, now in her 40s, who came to the U.S. when she was three. Until now, the couple had supported the president, and Arthu says…he still does! 

He’s going to keep flying the Trump flag at their home. He just won’t be able to talk to his wife every evening. 

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34. On the other hand, ICE continues to gobble up high school students, this time putting the cuffs on Alan Junior Pierre. The latest detainee arrived legally from Haiti and has no criminal history, which is more than the President of the United States can say. His father, Dutan, is an American citizen himself, and filed the paperwork necessary for his son to be admitted to this country. 

But, hey, screw that kid.

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35. And screw the 6-year-old with leukemia too. The unnamed child, his sister, age nine, and their Honduran mother entered this country legally last fall and asked for asylum. ICE busted up their dangerous “gang” and they have been in custody since May.

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36. Look. We admit ICE sometimes gets it right. Julio César Chávez Jr., a boxer from Mexico is likely to be deported in the next few days. In fact, Homeland Security realized he should be arrested on June 27; but for some reason, Chávez was allowed to fight Jake Paul the next night. He has a criminal record on both sides of the border – and if he is sent home he will likely face charges for his role with the Sinaloa cartel.

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37. Finally, we need to face the truth: Even Donald Dumpling doesn’t know what he wants ICE to do. On July 3, during a speech in Iowa, Ol’ Dumpling said he wanted to save the farmers – who need all those invading illegal immigrants to help plant and harvest and ship the crops. 

With Homeland Security Fashion Babe Kristi Noem in attendance, Donald assured his Iowan fans: 

If a farmer’s willing to vouch for these people, in some way, Kristi, I think we’re going to have to just say that’s going to be good, right? You know, we’re going to be good with it. Because we don’t want to do it where we take all of the workers off the farms. We want the farms to do great like they’re doing right now.”\

 

In another one of his rambling brag-a-thons, the president kept blabbing, about how he loved farmers for sure. 

We’re working with Kristi and we’re going to do something that we’re going to sort of put the farmers in charge. And if somebody, if a farmer’s been with one of these people that works so hard, they bend over all day. We don’t have too many people who can do that, but they work very hard and they know them very well. And some of the farmers are literally, you know, they cry when they see this happen.

 

In fact, it wasn’t just farmers, Donald wanted to show love, and so he rambled on: 

Farmers, look, they know better. They work with them for years. You had cases where, not year, but just even over the years where people have worked for a farm, on a farm for 14, 15 years, and they get thrown out pretty viciously, and we can’t do it. We gotta work with the farmers, and people that have hotels and leisure properties, too. 

 

So, might a liberal blogger ask? If we can trust farm workers not to cut our throats and hotel workers not to suffocate us with pillows while we sleep, and we need these millions of people to work – what happened to all the invader talk? And, frankly, all that racist talk about illegals eating our pets?