The
Second Coming of The Dumpling
ONCE AGAIN, we pick up the cudgels of mockery and steel ourselves to cover the second presidential term of Donald J. Trump – henceforth to be known by the nickname: “Donald Dumpling.”
In some cataract view of the world, the MAGA faithful see a man whose most strenuous form of exercise is driving a golf cart at high speeds as a macho figure of muscle and steel-eyed courage. The real “Dumpling” has man boobs and slathers his face with Cheez Whiz-colored skin toner.
As we travel the Fun House path that will be Trump Administration 2.0, expect lies, and plenty of them, daily ineptitude, endless excuses, and ominous attempts to subvert the rule of law and the U.S. Constitution.
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Who slapped that man's mug with toner? They missed a few spots. |
***
“Irregularities like this are rare.”
October 22, 2024: Let’s step back and start with the most recent “voter fraud” news. It’s pretty much the same news we’ve been seeing for the last sixteen years – this being the period wherein Donald set to work to convince ignorant citizens that U.S. elections were rigged by “commie” Democrats.
It
started with lies about Barack Obama’s birth certificate. The Dumpling found so
much joy in lying, and so few of the ignorant caught on, that he kept lying,
lies multiplying, growing more elaborate with every passing day.
Now we have been warned that when the illegals aren’t voting by the trillions, “they are eating the cats, eating the dogs, eating the pets!”
Donald always has a new lie to tell.
Meanwhile, Ohio Attorney General David Yost, a stalwart Republican, has announced an indictment of six illegal immigrant voters. A grand total of two voted in 2020.
“Irregularities like this are rare, and this is
a small number of cases,” Yost told reporters. “We should all be confident in
the upcoming election, knowing that the laws are being enforced and will
continue to be enforced.”
___
WTF! Donald again?????
ELECTION NIGHT (November 5, 2024): Donald Trump wins a second term. This blogger is not surprised, because polls had been ominous.
Cheaper gasoline, here we go!
Also, free
bacon will be handed out in grocery stores, and Donald will really get a healthcare
plan done this time.
___
Unlike 2020.
11/6/24: Kamala Harris takes time to gather her wits before calling Mr. Trump to admit defeat. At 2 a.m. this morning, Dana Perino, on Fox News, has the temerity to complain. “You should concede and let your opponent have their election night … Let them have their moment,” she says.
Apparently, Ms. Perino has never heard of “irony.”
(Or journalistic integrity.)
As of November 6, 2024, 1,464 days had passed, and Donald Dumpling had not conceded victory to Joseph R. Biden Jr.
*
Vice President Harris calls the former and future president Wednesday afternoon and congratulates him on his victory. She also promises that there will be a peaceful transfer of power.
Unlike 2020.
 |
A January 6 rioter sprays police with mace. Donald was still insisting he won. |
*
11/13/24: President Biden – acting maturely – invites President-Elect Trump to visit the White House. As The New York Times reports:
On
Wednesday, at least, the nation’s 46th president was determined to uphold the
traditions that have long surrounded a peaceful transfer of power – offering to
do “everything we can to make sure you’re accommodated, have what you need” –
even if they were traditions that Mr. Trump refused to extend to him four years
earlier.
Such as: Lying endlessly about a “Stolen Election,” inciting a riotous attack on Congress, and then refusing to show up for the Biden Inauguration.
Instead, Mr. Biden said in greeting: “Welcome. Welcome back.”
“Thank you very much,” Mr. Trump responded. “And politics is tough, and it’s in many cases, not a very nice world. But it is a nice world today and I appreciate very much a transition that’s so smooth, it’ll be as smooth as you can get. And I very much appreciate that, Joe.”
Mr. Biden responded: “You’re welcome.”
Many of
us would have been happier, had he replied, “You’re right it’s not a very nice
world. Remember when your supporters tried to kill Mike Pence?” Anyway…four
more years of Dumpling escapades to come.
*
Same day: Mr. Trump announces that he has selected Mike Huckabee, former governor of Arkansas, and current Christian talk show host, to be the next U.S. ambassador to Israel. For Middle East envoy, Trump taps Steve Witkoff on the shoulder with his putter, making clear his second administration will be even more pro-Israel than the first. Huckabee may be letting his biblical views cloud his judgment – since Joshua, God’s great warrior, was told of old to take all The Promised Land for the Jews and kill the current inhabitants.
So, it came to pass, two thousand years later, that during his own run for president in 2008, Mike could utter nuggets of thought such as these: “Basically, there really is no such thing as – I need to be careful about saying this, because people will really get upset – there’s really no such thing as a Palestinian.”
“You have Arabs and Persians,” Huckabee continued. “And there’s such complexity in that. But there’s really no such thing. That’s been a political tool to try and force land away from Israel.”
(So, f**k the Palestinians for sure.)
As for Witkoff, a fat cat real estate tycoon and The Dumpling’s golfing buddy, he was just happy to raise money for Trump’s 2024 campaign, by ignoring any suffering in Gaza, where the Palestinians – who don’t exist – still think they have a right to live. When the Biden administration stopped shipping 2,000-pound bombs to Israel, as they used them to pulverize the Gaza Strip, Witkoff saw a chance to use the humanitarian delay as a fund-raising tool. Every one of his friends, he told reporters, started calling, asking, “What can I do for Donald Trump?”
He
suggested they start writing “six-figure and seven-figure donations,” meaning that
in this Trump administration the “Palestinians” are sure to be screwed.
Meanwhile,
in Gaza:
 |
Yazen Khaled
was orphaned by an Israeli airstrike that
killed his parents and all his siblings. His leg
was amputated in Gaza without anesthesia. |
 |
Ali Darwish, 10, was paralyzed from the waist down.
 |
Maram Qassim,
5, was pronounced dead and wrapped in burial cloth. Her
mother insisted on seeing her one last time and squeezed her hand. Maram
squeezed back, albeit faintly. |
 |
Sham
Musselman was with her uncle when an airstrike killed him before
her eyes and left her with a mangled right arm. It was later amputated. Now she
spends time with other children who have lost limbs, learning how to cope and hopefully thrive. But
sure. Send those seven-figure checks. |
FUN FACT: During his second run for president, Donald Dumpling made this bold claim: “With the historic Abraham Accords, I even made peace in the Middle East [emphasis added],” he said. “We’re gonna have peace in the Middle East.”
The Abraham Accords did normalize relations between Israel and some nations in the Middle East.
They
assuredly did not bring peace.
*
“I know nothing about Project 2025.”
Same day: Kevin Roberts, head of the Heritage Foundation is no doubt happier to see Donald Trump returning to office than most normal Americans. It was Roberts, after all, and his Foundation, that brought conservative thinkers together to create the massive 922-page Project 2025, which laid out an extreme right-wing agenda, if Donald should prevail in the 2024 election.
Democrats blasted Trump during the campaign, warning that Project 2025 suggested all kinds of unpopular policies, putting The Dumpling on the defensive. In July, on Truth Social, he insisted, “I know nothing about Project 2025. I have no idea who is behind it.” Yet, The New York Times could report that Donald had, in fact, “sat next to Roberts on a 45-minute private flight to a 2022 Heritage conference, where Trump had given a speech praising the organization’s work ‘to lay the groundwork and detail plans for exactly what our movement will do.’”
Trump’s amnesia was even more surprising, considering J.D. Vance had written the forward to a book by Mr. Roberts, which was scheduled for release in September 2024. You’d have thought he might have taken time to tell the Dumpling-Elect who Roberts was, and what his plans were should the Trump/Vance ticket prevail.
Provisions included in Project 2025:
ü Excluding abortion from health care
ü Disbanding federal agencies
ü Killing climate change programs
ü A plan to “burn down” the F.B.I.
ü Also: “every Ivy League college”
ü Also: The
New York Times
Finally,
we can report that a reporter for The Guardian, who showed up at a
gathering to celebrate the release of Roberts’ delayed book, Dawn’s Early
Light, and had the nerve to ask questions, was told to “go to hell” and
escorted out.
___
Recounts validate the voting system.
11/20/24: If you have been living with your head wedged in a Halloween pumpkin, you may not realize how often recounts validate the security of state and federal elections. And you may not have noticed that whenever Republicans lose – even by seven million votes – they have insisted the system is rigged.
In Maine, multiple GOP losers in the November 5 contest asked for recounts, which is fair in races as tight as theirs.
So, what happened? In the first recount – of more than 6,200 votes – the Democratic candidate’s margin of victory decreased by one. In a second recount, the Democrat’s margin was cut to seven out of 4,600, down three. A third race for a seat in the Maine legislature saw the Democrat prevail by 36 votes on Election Night. In that case, the recount showed a gain of three.
As the Portland Press Herald explained, in a fourth recount, Democrat Kilton Webb won House District 98 by 55 votes, 2,996 to 2,941, over Republican Guy Lebida. Webb lost a solitary vote in the recount.
Lebida’s total was unchanged.
___
11/21/24: In most states, elections go to automatic recount, if victory margins fall below certain percentages of the votes. The battle for a seat in Congress, from Iowa’s First Congressional District, falls into that category, with the GOP candidate ahead by 802 votes, out of 413,000.
This blogger is not aware of any race – other than the statewide recount in Georgia, in 2020, which involved five million votes – where an error larger than 802 has been discovered, let alone the result reversed.
Republican Mariannette Miller-Meeks, the leader
in the Iowa race, has faced a recount before. In 2020, she won Iowa’s Second
Congressional District, by six votes. The original count of just under 400,000 votes had shown Miller-Meeks
ahead by 47. So, she lost 41 votes, a high number, as recounts go.
Ironically, Rep. Miller-Meeks’ campaign accused Democrats of being “election deniers,” and Republicans complained, and said the recount was a waste of taxpayer dollars. “This is a delaying tactic,” her campaign added, “to thwart the will of the people.” Which Republicans would never support!
UPDATE (November 27, 2024): The recount is completed, and the Democratic candidate picks up a measly four votes.
*
Senators bringeth the stones.
11/21/24 (Bible
Interlude): For
those of you “less Christian” than Pete Hegseth, Trump’s uber-religious choice to
head up the Department of Defense, the Good Book is clear when it comes to
adultery, which even Pete admits he has frequently
committed.
First, you’ve got that whole Ten Commandments list. Number VII: “Thou shalt not commit adultery.”
Then the idea is hammered home by Number X: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s. (See: Exodus 20:14 and 20:17, respectively.)
(Or,
to paraphrase: Don’t covet the neighbour’s wife’s ass.)
For fun, we can also turn to Exodus: 20:10: “And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adultress shall surely be put to death.”
In fact, in both Leviticus and Deuteronomy it is made clear that the death sentence shall be carried out by stoning.
You can read it yourself: but in Exodus you have death as remedy for those who “curseth” their father or mother. Also, you have death for he who shall “lieth” with his father’s wife – this having been an era when a man could have multiple wives and sleep with slave girls – and death for the man who “lieth” with his daughter-in-law. If a man lies with a beast, you guessed it. Death for the man. And curtains for the offending beast! Then you have death by fire, always popular in days of yore, “if a man take a wife and her mother,” meaning flames for all three.
The religious zealots – like Pete – forget these admonitions. But one idea many still fixate upon today remains: “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.”
So, if Pete is right, and “God Wills It,” as his tattoo reads, he won’t have to worry about Senate confirmation.
The senators will bringeth
the stones.
FUN FACT: Should we decide to “Make America Biblical Again” we’re going to thin out the conservatives ranks rather quickly. Hegseth gets stoned. Donald Dumpling gets the stones. Rudy Giuliani, Newt Gingrich, and Jerry Falwell Jr. are targeted. So is Robert F. Kennedy Jr., admittedly, a Democrat, but Donald’s choice to head Health and Human Services. RFK Jr. kept a detailed list of 37 women he slept with while married to his first wife – who found it and committed suicide. And then he cheated on his current wife with at least three other women.
In fact, if we’re going Bibles in every
classroom, as Republicans in Oklahoma insist we must, we should mention Rep.
Matt Gaetz, Trump’s now failed choice for Attorney General. He paid thousands to prostitutes.
___
“Consistent with strangulation.”
11/22/24: Good news, family values folk! Republican State Rep. Lucas Lanigan has won a recount by a single vote and will keep his seat in the Maine legislature.
Also, bad news, family values folk! Lanigan has been accused of choking his wife, after she confronted him with evidence about an affair.
(See “Stoning,” above.)
Rep.
Lanigan finished with 2,478 votes. His Democratic challenger, Patty Kidder,
finished with 2,477. The original count had the candidates tied.
*
Mrs. Lanigan is asking to drop charges, but prosecutors have refused. When she first complained, charges of aggravated domestic assault were filed, and she was taken to a hospital. She was found to have bruises on both sides of her neck, consistent with strangulation.
As for the hand recount in this race, it turned on two ballots. One was a test ballot, inadvertently included in the original count. Another had both Lanigan and Kidder marked. On Election Night, it appeared Kidder had won; but election officials discovered a different error, and the vote was believed tied.
I am not
going to make a cheap pun, and suggest Rep. Lanigan choked back tears when his
one vote-victory was announced.
*
Same day – non choking news: President-Elect Dumpling has announced that his choice for senior director for counterterrorism, as part of the National Security Council, will be Sebastian Gorka. Donald praised Gorka, saying that “since 2015, Dr. Gorka has been a tireless advocate for the America First Agenda and the MAGA Movement.” If you’ve ever listened to the Dumpling, or Gorka, you know their idea of “terrorists” comes down to reporters, doing the job the free press is tasked with performing, and asking hard questions.
We also know that Dr. Gorka is not a fan of the Black Lives Matter folks, or liberals in general.
___
Ejaculating on her chest.
11/24/24: We have fresh news regarding studly Fox News commentator Pete Hegseth, Trump’s choice to helm the Defense Department during his second term. Pete does have combat experience, with the U.S. Army in Iraq and Afghanistan. So, this blogger can respect that.
And he is studly; and Donald loves to pick
advisors who look studly, if male, or hot, if female. Not counting Dr. Gorka
(see above).
 |
Trump picked his lawyer, Alina Habba (second from left), one suspects, based on cleavage, not legal acumen. She helped him lose more than $88 million in two defamation lawsuits. |
Pete is also a survivor of deadly combat with women – for example, women he has married, and women other men have married. Hegseth first cut the three-tiered cake in 2004, when he wed Meredith Schwarz. The couple divorced in 2009. Apparently, Pete’s five admitted affairs were one too many for the missus. The candidate to lead Defense didn’t wait long to carve the cake a second time, marrying Samantha Deering in 2010. Pete and Samantha had three children together, but Pete was boinking elsewhere. In August 2017, while still married to Deering, he had a daughter with Fox executive producer Jennifer Rauchet.
A second divorce followed.
It was time for wedding cake once more, and Hegseth and Rauchet, who has three young children from her first marriage, “tied the knot” (loosely?), in August 2019. The ceremony was held at Trump’s golf course in Bedminster, New Jersey, where cheating on wives is not considered a problem.
As mentioned on November 11 (above), Pete is super religious and when not banging women he’s not married to yet – or never will be – he enjoys attending services at Pilgrim Hill Reformed Fellowship. That congregation is affiliated with the Communion of Reformed Evangelical Churches.
Sometimes, Pete likes to show off his tattoos, including a Jerusalem cross on his chest, and one reading “Deus Vult,” a Latin phrase meaning “God Wills It,” on his right bicep. This last phrase harkens to the Crusades, when Catholic and Muslim soldiers devoted the best part of two centuries to killing each other.
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Murderous religious warfare! What fun! |
For good measure, Mr. Hegseth has been accused of assaulting a woman he met at a business conference. Here, we can rely on USA Today to tell the tale:
The 2017 allegation centers on a California
Federation of Republican Women convention where Hegseth, a telegenic Republican
culture warrior, was the keynote speaker on Saturday, October 7, and his
alleged victim was a staffer for the organization.
On several occasions that night, the alleged
victim expressed dislike for Hegseth
In texts to her husband, who was staying at the hotel with,
according to reports, their two small children, she wrote that Hegseth was giving off “creeper” vibes,
ridiculing him as he spoke from the podium.
“I’m
going to be here all night,” she wrote. “It’s awful.” She also texted her
husband that she had been drinking “much more than normal.”
Much of what occurred from that point forward is in dispute – one woman’s word against one studly man’s. What is not in dispute is that Pete soon had the woman naked and in bed and admits he did ejaculate on her chest. But he says he was careful to ask the married lady if she was okay with everything he was doing.
Such as committing adultery.
Again.
___
*
A vibrant free press is ideal.
11/25/24: My fellow Americans: If you don’t know why we all need a vibrant free press, you need to go back to middle school and pay more attention in social studies class. The concept is simple. If Fox News can help expose a Democratic politician skimming cash from foreign agents, or the Washington Post can expose a Trump adviser for shaking down potential candidates for spots in the Trump administration, we all benefit.
Fewer
crooks in government = good news for taxpayers, and honest individuals,
generally, both MAGA and UN-MAGA, alike.
And so, today’s news:
A top adviser
to President-elect Donald Trump asked potential
administration nominees to give him monthly consulting fees in exchange for advocating for them
to Trump, a written review by Trump’s legal team concluded.
The scathing
review of Boris Epshteyn, a top lawyer to Trump who has extensive
sway in the transition, was prepared by Trump’s attorneys in recent days, according to two
people familiar with the report. It found that among those whom Epshteyn had
unsuccessfully solicited for payment was Scott Bessent, Trump’s pick for
treasury secretary.
Trump
commissioned the report after he heard allegations that Epshteyn had been
asking potential Cabinet nominees and others for money, said the people, who
spoke on the condition of anonymity to describe the internal document.
The review
recommended that Epshteyn’s employment with and proximity to Trump should be
ended, warning of scandal for Trump and possibly eventual criminal charges for
Epshteyn, according to one of the people with knowledge of the review.
The existence
of the review itself was first reported by CNN. Some of the elements
of Epshteyn’s conduct were first reported by Just the News, a conservative
website, on Monday afternoon. That outlet said it had spoken to Trump, who had
criticized anyone who seeks to make money off him. “I suppose every President
has people around them who try to make money off them on the outside. It’s a
shame but it happens,” Trump said, according to the outlet. “But no one working
for me in any capacity should be looking to make money.”
We should also mention that Boris was setting his standards high. He wasn’t going to sell his soul cheap. He was expecting $100,000 a month from candidates willing to pay for his “services.”
(Only the Dumpling, himself, shall sell the golden tennis shoes.)
(Also: The
Bibles.)
11/28/24: President-Elect Trump issues another heartfelt Thanksgiving message to the American people.
“Happy Thanksgiving to all,” he posted on Truth Social, “including to the Radical Left Lunatics who have worked so hard to destroy our Country, but who have miserably failed, and will always fail, because their ideas and policies are so hopelessly bad that the great people of our Nation just gave a landslide victory to those who want to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”
“Don’t
worry,” he added, “our Country will soon be respected, productive, fair, and
strong, and you will be, more than ever before, proud to be an
American!”
___
11/29/24: As the right-wingers like to say, every time they see a veteran, “Thank you for your service.”
Not counting anyone who has ever crossed Donald Trump.
Today,
Elon Musk accused Col.
Alexander Vindman, now retired, of committing “treason” when he testified
against Donald during the president’s first impeachment – and said Trump held
up aid to Ukraine for selfish reasons, even at risk to U.S. security.
We can
also remind readers that Vindman’s testimony was later supported by John
Bolton, Trump’s National Security Advisor.
___
“Get some help and take an honest look at yourself.”
11/30/24: President-Elect Trump chooses Jared Kushner’s father to be ambassador to France, because if you look high and low and even Google, “Rich people who are not crooks,” there is no better choice to fill the spot than Charles Kushner. Sure, you could look up and down your street, for example, and think, “My neighbor, Debbie, is not a pardoned criminal. I will select Debbie!”
Nope. Debbie is not rich.
Instead, you pick Charles, who “was convicted of preparing false tax returns, retaliating against a cooperating witness, and making false statements to the Federal Election Commission in 2005.”
And who pardoned Mr. Kushner in 2020?
Donald did.
*
Same day: Pete
Hegseth’s problems just got a little worse, when an old email, sent to him by his mother surfaced.
Mom now says she supports her boy and hopes he can be the next Secretary of
Defense – and tell women they don’t belong in combat – but maybe belong in his
bedroom.
Angry over what she had seen of her son’s behavior, she fired off an email in 2018. “On behalf of all the women (and I know it’s many) you have abused in some way, I say … get some help and take an honest look at yourself,” Penelope Hegseth wrote, while making clear she still loved her son.
“I have no respect for any man that belittles, lies, cheats, sleeps around and uses women for his own power and ego,” she added. “You are that man (and have been for years) and as your mother, it pains me and embarrasses me to say that, but it is the sad, sad truth.”
(I think we can see why Pete is a favorite with Donald.)
*
Same day: Do you remember? Kash Patel, Donald Dumpling’s choice to head up the F.B.I. will, if confirmed by the Senate, be the first director of that agency ever to have pleaded the Fifth in front of a federal grand jury.
In October 2022, a probe into Donald’s mishandling of top-secret documents was moving forward. Patel was called to testify, but decided he’d rather not incriminate himself, for any criminal efforts he might have made to help a possible plot advance. It is, of course, a virtue of the U.S. Constitution, that a defendant need not testify against himself. But I would not think the average voter would believe the best person to lead the F.B.I. for the next ten years is a guy with possible crimes to hide.
Patel was granted immunity for his testimony, which meant if he told the truth, he could not be prosecuted; but whatever he said when questioned again, was included in the Jack Smith report. This report is now being kept secret by order of GOP Congressional leaders – who are deathly afraid of Donald J. Trump.
(In his own cases, Donald has taken the Fifth hundreds of
times.)
Other luminaries who have taken the Fifth include Mark Maguire, who refused to answer questions before a Congressional panel, regarding steroid use in baseball. Maguire, of course, set the single season homerun record with 70 moonshots in 1998. That record was broken three years later when Sammy Sosa blasted 73. Both men, as we now know, absolutely used steroids.
Also refusing to talk to Congressional investigators, we have “pharmaceutical bro” Martin Shkreli, who later went to prison anyway, after it turned out he had come up with clever schemes to increase certain drug prices – in one case, from $13.50 per pill to $750.00, almost overnight.
(More
recently, Shkreli lost another court battle, and was ordered to disgorge
$64.6 million in illicit gains.)
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