Stormy Daniels: Like Trump, Only with Gigantic Breasts

If you can watch enough Fox News and convince yourself eight other people, a slew of F.B.I. and Justice Department leaders and countless reporters are liars, whereas Donald J. Trump (a.k.a. "Big Orange Buffoon") is a pillar of virtue, then you might think the president is having a good week.

In reality, it appears we are about to learn that Stormy Daniels is Donald J. Trump with gigantic breasts.

Stormy Daniels may be prepared to spill some Trump beans.

3/20: Tuesday gets off to a bad start when President Buffoon calls Shirtless Strongman Vladimir Putin to congratulate him on winning an election in which leading opposition candidates were barred from running. 

As we all know by now:

Donald

♥’s

Vladimir

Unfortunately, for the couple, Republican Senator John McCain responds with this harsh assessment:

[A]n American president does not lead the free world by congratulating dictators on winning sham elections. And by doing so with Vladimir Putin, President Trump insulted every Russian citizen who was denied the right to vote in a free and fair election to determine their country’s future, including the countless Russian patriots who have risked so much to protest and resist Putin’s regime.

White House Press Liar Sarah Sanders admits later that the Big Orange Buffoon did not bother to mention Russian meddling in the 2016 election or ask about the nerve agent used in an attempted assassination of a Kremlin critic on British soil.

Apparently, the two pals talked mostly about office pools and March Madness. Putin is picking Trump University to win it all.

Donald does love Putin, it would seem; but not as much as Stormy and Karen!

  

3/21: John O. Brennan served the C.I.A. for twenty-five years. He left government service and then returned, serving as head of the agency from 2013 to 2017. In theory, if you watch a lot of Fox News, at least, Brennan could be just another liar picking on poor Donald J. Trump. After F.B.I. Deputy Director Andrew McCabe was fired, late Friday night, March 16 (just 26 hours before he was scheduled to retire), Brennan tweeted this response, aimed at the Big Orange Buffoon:

When the full extent of your venality, moral turpitude, and political corruption becomes known, you will take your rightful place as a disgraced demagogue in the dustbin of history. You may scapegoat Andy McCabe, but will not destroy America... America will triumph over you.

So, if you watched Fox, you had to now convince yourself: 1) McCabe was a liar, out to get Donald; 2) James Comey was a liar; 3) Brennan was also a liar; 4) former Director of National Intelligence James Clapper was a liar, too.

A fifth “liar,” retired four-star General Barry R. McCaffrey, had harsh words the same day. “Reluctantly,” he tweeted, “I have concluded that President Trump is a serious threat to US national security. He is refusing to protect vital US interests from active Russian attacks. It is apparent that he is for some unknown reason under the sway of Mr Putin.”

But what does McCaffrey know! All he has are three Purple Hearts, two Silver Stars for valor, and two Distinguished Service Crosses to his name.

  

Brennan attacked Trump again on MSNBC on Tuesday. “I’m saying that perhaps the Russians have something and that’s why Mr. Trump is concerned,” he told the show’s hosts. He could not say what that “something” might be, but added, “Mr. Trump knows better than any one of us whether or not the Russians may have something on him.”
 

3/22: John Dowd, lead lawyer in the Buffoon’s dealings with the Mueller investigation, suddenly resigns. 

Sources tell reporters Dowd believes he cannot control his client. Trump reportedly believes Mueller is the Anti-Christ.

I’m joking—but you can believe almost anything where Trump is involved.

We are then told Dowd’s replacement will be Joseph diGenova—famous for floating the theory on Fox News that evil forces at work inside the F.B.I. and Justice Department are working to “frame” Donald J. Trump.

Ironically, just eleven days earlier, Trump had used a pair of tweets to attack the fake news people at The New York Times:

The Failing New York Times purposely wrote a false story stating that I am unhappy with my legal team on the Russia case and am going to add another lawyer to help out. Wrong. I am VERY happy with my lawyers, John Dowd, Ty Cobb and Jay Sekulow. They are doing a great job and.....” “...have shown conclusively that there was no Collusion with Russia..just excuse for losing. The only Collusion was that done by the DNC, the Democrats and Crooked Hillary. The writer of the story, Maggie Haberman, a Hillary flunky, knows nothing about me and is not given access.

So, now Haberman had lied. That would make Liar #6 (not counting all the liars at the F.B.I. and Justice), if we follow Trump’s count.

After months of increasing tension, the Orange Buffoon also decided to replace National Security Advisor H.R. 

McMaster. McMaster first irritated his boss when he said the proof that Russia meddled in the 2016 election was “incontrovertible.”

  

And it might be possible, if you have the attention span of a cocker spaniel that you forget that moment on March 1, when Trump told a spokesman for the National Security Council that any story about McMaster being replaced was “fake news.” “I was just with President Trump and H.R. McMaster in the Oval Office,” the spokesman, Michael Anton, said in a statement provided to reporters.” Trump, Anton added, “told McMaster that he is doing a great job.”

The situation hardly improved Thursday night. First, a variety of White House aides told reporters Trump was prepared to sign the $1.3 trillion omnibus spending bill the next day, and keep the U.S. government running.

The evening ended with a “bang” (if you will excuse the word) when Anderson Cooper interviewed Karen McDougal, former Playboy Playmate of the Year, who explained in great detail that she had had a ten-month long affair with then Businessman Big Orange Buffoon back in 2006 and 2007. She mentioned that the first time they had sex he offered to pay her, which took her aback.

She’s sorry now, she told Cooper, sorry she helped Trump cheat on Melania, his third wife. In one creepy exchange she described being spirited through a back entry, into Trump Tower and ushered up to Donald and Melania’s penthouse suite. She said it made her feel dirty and she asked to leave. You wonder: Was Trump going to ask her to be “intimate,” maybe on his own marital bed? Well, you never know—unless you watch Fox News. Then you know! The White House denies this affair took place; but no one in the White House (or on Fox News) can explain why a friend of Donald’s would pay McDougal $150,000 for her story rights and then refuse to publish her tale just weeks before the 2016 election.

This would make McDougal Liar #7.

3/23: President Trump wakes early. He watches Fox News. All the Fox pundits and Fox babes are calling the spending bill terrible. 

Trump considers taking decisive action—which apparently he never thought of doing the night before. “I am considering a VETO of the Omnibus Spending Bill based on the fact that the 800,000 plus DACA recipients have been totally abandoned by the Democrats (not even mentioned in Bill) and the BORDER WALL, which is desperately needed for our National Defense, is not fully funded,” he tweets.

Congressional leaders are left scrambling to try to deal with an impending government shutdown. At 11:38 the Buffoon announces, again via tweet: “News conference at the White House concerning the Omnibus Spending Bill. 1:00 P.M.” 

Get that veto pen ready!!!

No one inside the White House has any idea what the Buffoon is going to do, including the Buffoon.

Eventually, Trump appears at the podium for a rambling discussion on why he is going to sign the bill after all, even though the bill is “ridiculous” and “terrible” and, well, what can he do? He needs the money to fund the military—which you figure he must have known all along. Well, don’t blame him for what will soon turn into a huge budget deficit for the coming fiscal year!

He’s only the president!

What Congress should do, he explains to a listening nation, is give up the “power of the purse,” and allow him to line-item veto any elements of any funding legislation he doesn’t personally like.

Alas, someone needs to explain to poor Donald that this matter has already been decided by the U.S. Supreme Court. In Clinton v. City of New York (1998), the court considered a law passed with strong Republican backing in Congress and with approval from President Billl Clinton, to allow presidents to do just that.

In a 6-3 ruling, the highest court in the land declared the law unconstitutional.

3/24: Hundreds of thousands of Americans join the “March for Our Lives” in the nation’s capital on Saturday. They are gathered to demand action to stem the bloody tide of gun violence that stains this great nation. There are also “sibling marches” in 800 towns and cities, including marches in 390 congressional districts across the land. New York City marchers number 175,000. Paul McCartney is there in remembrance of his friend, John Lennon, gunned down by an armed psychopath in 1980.

The teenagers who did so much to organize the marches—and fuel them with passion—lead the way. More than a thousand young people from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, where the most recent massacre occurred, attend D.C. events and help fuel the fervor. Survivors of slaughter speak eloquently. Emma Gonzalez reads the names of the 17 who died at her school. Then she stands in silence for six minutes and twenty seconds, the exact time it took for one unbalanced young man, armed with an AR-15, a military-style weapon designed for battlefield use, to kill or wound 34 of Gonzalez’s classmates.

34.

Students from across the nation, who have witnessed the scourge of too many guns play out, also speak up. Edna Chavez, 17, from Manual Arts High School in Los Angeles, tells the crowd about her brother, Ricardo, who had been shot and killed. “I have learned to duck from bullets before I learned to read,” she explains. Then she leads the crowd in a chant: “Ricardo! Ricardo!”

Trevon Bosley, a high school student from Chicago who had also lost a brother, also talks. “I’m here to speak for those youth who fear they may be shot while going to the gas station, the movies, the bus stop, to church or even to and from school,” he says. “I’m here to speak for those Chicago youth who feel their voices have been silenced for far too long.” Other marchers in D.C. and at other locations included parents who lost six-year-old sons and daughters at Sandy Hook in 2012 and Lauren Milgram, 12, herself a survivor of that heinous attack.

Martin Luther King Jr.’s granddaughter also steps up to the mike. “My grandfather had a dream that his four little children would not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character,” nine-year-old Yolanda Ree King tells the D.C. crowd. “I have a dream that enough is enough. That this should be a gun-free world.

“Period.”  

That much is a utopian dream—but you can hardly fail to be impressed with the spirit of these young people who wish to make America a better, safer place to live. Well: unless you speak for the NRA.

Marchers included NBA star Dwayne Wade and Golden State Warriors Coach Steve Kerr.

The NRA weighed in with this: “Today’s protests aren’t spontaneous. Gun-hating billionaires and Hollywood elites are manipulating and exploiting children as part of their plan to DESTROY the Second Amendment and strip us of our right to defend ourselves and our loved ones.”

In a video clip released the day before, an NRA representative, Colion Noir, criticizes the Parkland survivors and what he describes as “a march for their lies.”

Apparently, the Second Amendment is the only amendment he actually likes. “To all the kids from Parkland getting ready to use your First Amendment to attack everyone else’s Second Amendment at your march on Saturday, I wish a hero like Blaine had been at Marjory Douglas High School last month.”

Blaine, in this case, would be Blaine Gaskill, the school resource officer who quickly shot and killed another school shooter at Great Mills High School in Maryland earlier the same week.

Noir continued angrily, “Because your classmates would still be alive and no one would know your names. And because the media would have completely and utterly ignored your story the way they ignored his.”

You could quickly pick holes in Noir’s response if you liked. You could start by noting that these kids undoubtedly wish no one knew their names now—because their names are only known because they speak for seventeen dead friends. You could also note that none of the leaders of the “March for Our Lives” were suggesting disarming police. You could even google “Gaskill” and find 200,000 stories that mentioned him by name. Then you could mull over the tragedy of Jaelynn Willey 17, shot in the head and left brain dead by an armed classmate before Officer Gaskill could respond and ask if perhaps that didn’t actually prove the Parkland survivors had a point.

But you had to stifle the reflex to vomit at the NRA’s attack on teens who were tired of seeing friends sprawled in puddles of blood.

They weren’t out to destroy the Second Amendment any more than teen who know friends who were killed by drunk drivers want to close down liquor stores and bars just because they argue for stricter enforcement of drunk-driving laws. They were insisting, by the hundreds of thousands, that too many Americans with violent tendencies had too easy access to too many types of weapons.

And, yes, they were exercising their rights.

In Florida there is evidence that the anti-gun-violence movement organized by young Americans may stir teens to register and vote. That’s a third right we cherish and we can hope hundreds of thousands of young people register and then cast their ballots this fall. The NRA might not like it; but that’s still how democracy works.

3/25: With less than three hours to go, before Stephanie Clifford (a.k.a. Stormy Daniels) does her interview on 60 Minutes, I check Trump’s Twitter feed. He last tapped away at 8:45 this morning: “President Donald J. Trump Proclaims March 25, 2018, as Greek Independence Day: A National Day of Celebration of Greek and American Democracy” 

Nothing since.

Oddly enough, the Tweeter-in-Chief, who never hesitates to insult a perceived enemy, a critic, or those who pose legal impediments—who likes to label any unflattering story “fake news”—has never yet tweeted about Stormy.

He has not called her a “liar,” like so many women who have accused him of sexual assault. He has not taken on her attorney directly, has not labeled a single appearance by that lawyer or Ms. Clifford “fake news.”

Something tells me she’s got the goods on the Big Orange Buffoon; and something tells me the Buffoon is going to be hoping neither the First Lady nor Barron, his youngest son, tune in tonight.

Daniels might be sporting impressive fake boobs. It’s starting to look like the seamy story she’ll tell is real news.

The White House denies any affair ever occurred. That would make her Liar #9 just this week.

Daniels may in fact possess evidence, and possibly even a dress stained with Donald’s “seed,” that will blow his denials to Kingdom Cum. True. Stormy is a shameless promoter, a media- saavy performer, a business person interested only in making a buck and touting her brand. She is, in that sense, Donald J. Trump’s doppelganger, if Donald J. Trump sported gigantic boobs.

A porn time bomb may be ticking under the Big Orange Buffoon's bed.