June
2025:
THE DEDICATED BLOGGER has been forced to accept the bitter truth. Keeping up
with Donald Trump (a.k.a. “Donald Dumpling”) during his second term has been a herculean
task. This has much to do with the fact that anyone with scruples is gone
from the White House, under Trump 47.
Only the
soulless and the sycophants remain – some of Trump’s most loyal aides being one
and the same.
November 1, 1952: The United States explodes the first hydrogen bomb.
Once
again, we will default to the HOT/NOT HOT format to bring what order out of
chaos we may.
***
A chronology
of Iran and other nuclear nations.
THERMONUCLEAR
HOT – Bombs and missiles: First, Israel attacks Iran, claiming the Iranians are
weeks or days away from having enough enriched uranium to produce their own atomic
bomb. Iranian defenses are quickly crippled; but they strike back at targets in
Tel Aviv and across the tiny Jewish nation.
Here, it
might be wise to remind ourselves that Bibi Netanyahu has long been warning everyone that Iran
is just minutes – days – weeks – months – years – from getting a nuclear weapon:
1992: He
claims Iran is “three to five years” away from having the bomb.
1995: Iran
is “three to five years” away, he says, again.
1996:
Iran, says Bibi, is “extremely close” to having nukes, and “catastrophic consequences”
will result, if the Iranians achieve their goal.
(The U.S. government believes Israel has possessed nuclear weapons for fifty years.)
1998: In
related news, Pakistan explodes its first nuclear weapon – to offset what it
sees as a threat from India.
(India explodes its first atomic bomb in 1974).
2003: President
George W. Bush warns the world that Iraq is in possession of weapons of mass destruction,
and that claim is used to justify a U.S. invasion. No such weapons are ever
found.
(We all remember how that worked out.)
2006: In
an interview with Glenn Beck, Netanyahu tells
listeners that Iran is like Germany under Hitler. Or like David Koresh, the cult
leader who died with dozens of his followers at Waco, Texas. The Iranians, he
says, want “to obliterate America,” want “to obliterate America’s allies,” want
“to take over the world’s oil supply.” He warns that the Iranians want nuclear
weapons “with which they can dominate the world.”
2012: Netanyahu
cries wolf again, insisting that Iran is just “a few months away” from having its own
weapons of mass destruction.
2015:
President Obama agrees to a deal with Iran to halt enrichment of uranium to
levels necessary to make an atomic weapon. Netanyahu claims this has “opened a
pathway to the bomb.”
(Did we mention that Iran was “a few months away,” three years
ago?)
2017: Obama
leaves office. Iran still has no bomb. Trump takes over. North Korea keeps
firing missiles to prove that it could hit the continental United States, if it
wanted. Donald promises “fire and fury like the world has never seen” if the North
keeps threatening the U.S. with attack.
May 2018:
President Trump withdraws from the deal with Iran. “The
Iran Deal,” he grumbles “was one of the worst and most one-sided transactions
the United States has ever entered into.”
(He promises to work out a better deal!)
June 2018:
Mr. Trump meets with Kim Jong-un, the homicidal North Korea leader. The
president claims the meeting went great. In an interview with Greta Von
Susteren, he gushes in describing Kim: “He’s got a great personality. He’s a
funny guy, he’s very smart, he’s a great negotiator. He loves his people, not
that I’m surprised by that. I think that we have the start of an amazing deal. We’re
going to denuke North Korea.”
September
2018: Trump says he and Kim “fell in love” and North
Korea is going to hand over all its nukes.
January 2020:
Standing beside Benjamin Netanyahu, Trump reveals his Middle East Peace Plan,
which he calls “the deal of the century.”
(It’s a Neville Chamberlain “peace for our time” kind of moment.)
September
2020: Trump, Netanyahu, and the leaders of the United Arab Emirates and
Bahrain, sit down to sign the Abraham Accords. “We’re
here this afternoon to change the course of history,” Donald says. “After
decades of division and conflict, we mark the dawn of a new Middle East.”
“Thanks
to the great courage of the leaders of these three countries, we take a major
stride toward a future in which people of all faiths and backgrounds live
together in peace and prosperity,” the president insists. The accords “will
serve as the foundation for a comprehensive peace across the entire region.”
(Trump presents the Israeli leader with a golden key to the
White House.)
2021: Donald
leaves office (albeit not without first helping stir up a devastating attack on
democracy).
(The Palestinians never sign the Abraham Accords.)
(Trump never gets a deal done with Iran.)
(North Korea never surrenders a single nuke.)
(Trump never does win a Nobel.)
January
20, 2021: President Biden takes office. Four years later, when he leaves the
White House, Iran still has no nuclear weapons.
2023:
Hamas launches a surprise attack on Israel, killing 1,195. Israel responds by
pulverizing the Gaza Strip, killing an estimated 57,000 Palestinians.
2024:
Candidate Trump runs for a second term on the promise to keep the U.S. out of
any Middle East wars.
January
20, 2025: In his Inaugural Address, Trump announces, “We will measure our success
not only by the battles we win but also by the wars that we end – and perhaps
most importantly, the wars we never get into.”
FUN FACTS:
The first
atomic bomb, dropped on Hiroshima on August 6, 1945, killed 78,000 Japanese.
That bomb had an explosive power estimated to be 15 kilotons (a kiloton being equivalent
to 1,000 tons of TNT.)
The
second atomic bomb fell on Nagasaki on August 9, and another estimated 60,000
to 80,000 people were killed.
Two badly burned survivors of the attack on Hiroshima.
Modern
hydrogen bombs have an explosive power measured in megatons – that is 1,000,000
tons of TNT.
No
nation, in the last eighty years, has deployed an atomic bomb – for painfully
obvious reasons.
It is
estimated that at the very moment Donald delivered his second Inaugural Address,
the nine nuclear powers possessed more than 12,000
atomic weapons.
The United
States and Russia both have more
than 5,000 nuclear weapons. China is in third place with 600.
France had 290, the United Kingdom has 225, India has 180, Pakistan has 170, and
North Korea has 50.
It is estimated that Israel possesses 90
nuclear weapons, with at least 50 designed to be delivered by land-based Jericho
missiles.
Five
other members of NATO are believed to be “hosting” nuclear weapons, which is
kind of wild.
Both
Russia and the United States possess additional “tactical nuclear weapons” for
battlefield uses. Some are estimated to have an explosive power as high as 300
kilotons – which is kind of nutty, if you think it over.
A single
atomic bomb exploded over New York City (it is better to explode bombs above a
city and not let the ground absorb any of the power of the blast) would kill an
estimated 583,160 people.
Even if an
atomic blast didn’t kill you, the electromagnetic pulse created would fry your
car’s computers; and you and millions of others would be hoofing it to work
every day.
A 1.4
Megaton bomb launched about 250 miles above Kansas would destroy most of the
electronics that were not protected in the entire Continental United States.
During the brief return to atmospheric testing in 1962, a 1.4 megaton nuclear
weapon was detonated over Johnston Island at an altitude of about 250 miles.
The effects of EMP were observed in Hawaii, 800 miles east of the detonation.
Streetlights and fuses failed on Oahu and telephone service was disrupted on
the Island of Kauai.
Scientists
believe that an all-out nuclear war would lead to a “nuclear winter,” as all the smoke, and
dust of what used to be cities, and the ashes of untold numbers of human beings,
animals, insects, trees and plants filled the sky, severely reducing the amount
of light that reached the Earth’s surface.
Russia
could, if it desired, hit every town and city in the United
States, with a population of more than 5,000, and still have several hundred atomic
weapons left over, maybe to strike Disney World.
BLOGGER’S
NOTE:
The humble gentleman who resides in Glendale, Ohio would not normally fault a U.S.
president for whatever other nations do – since a president is often no more
than a powerful spectator, when it comes to what other nations do.
Yet, Trump,
himself, has always been quick to blame his predecessors, while oddly unwilling
to accept even a wisp of blame if bloodshed does erupt.
He has
said repeatedly that the war in Ukraine would not have started if he had been president
in 2022. By the same logic, since this war with Iran started when his lard ass
was plunked down in the Oval Office, by Trumpian logic, he merits blame.
When I
work on this post, on June 23, A grand total of 230 days had passed since
Donald was elected on November 5, 2024, at which time he promised to end the
fighting in Ukraine in one day.
100
MILLION DEGREES HOT: And that’s Celsius. According to Fox News, President Trump
(when not busy golfing) had been considering using a nuclear bomb to take out Iran’s
nuclear facility at Fordo, buried deep underground. But don’t worry. It would
only be a “tactical nuclear weapon.”
If
Donald had the urge.
NOT HOT
– Working: President Trump bags his job early Friday afternoon, June 20, and heads for his private club at Bedminster, New
Jersey.
Where he
is expected to spend his time…playing more golf.
(Donald gives the go-ahead for a strike on Iran the next day.)
NEWS
COMES FAST AND FURIOUS since Donald Dumpling has returned to the White House
(or to Mar-a-Lago, depending on his mood). But baby, he’s back. He’s bad. And
he has a bold, beautiful, brazen plan for adding a 51st state!
The only
problem?
The poor
sap can’t focus long enough to settle on any one piece of real estate over all
the others. First it was Canada that danced seductively before his eyes, like a
Miss Universe contestant he wanted to grab by the pussy.
Then he
fell hard for Greenland, like when he forgot he was married to Melania and had
sex with Stormy Daniels.
Lately,
he has goo-goo eyes for a new dream girl, the Gaza Strip.
*
So let
me jump ahead of Republicans in Congress, who have turned fawning over The
Dumpling into a pathetic new art. If Mr. Trump decides to send U.S. troops to
Gaza – which he said he would, “if necessary,” we should name the new state “Donaldlandia”
and its capital “Donald City.” And the new state shall be provided a fitting motto:
“Where Did All the Palestinians Go?”
(Or, in Latin: “Heus, Ubi omnes Palaestinae abierunt?”)
As with The
Dumpling’s half-baked plans for making Canada the 51st state, or Greenland, or now
Gaza, there are glaring problems in any of these paths. Trump is too obtuse to
notice. So, we will have to help.
1. To
make Gaza a state, we must first dispossess 2.2 million Palestinians already resident there. Trump first
insisted that Gazans would have to “learn from history,” and if his initial plan
were to be carried forward, he would be right. He suggested they all leave and
never come back.
(Call it “The Trail of Tears,” only this time not for the Cherokees.)
Kicking the Native-Americans off their land worked "great."
2. “Everybody
I have spoken to loves the idea of the United States owning that piece of land,
developing and creating thousands of jobs,” Donald told reporters. Of course, that wasn’t true.
The Saudis decided the idea was so ridiculous that they filed a response
condemning the “plan” at 4 a.m. the next morning.
3. The United
Arab Emirates, Jordan, and Egypt also blasted the half-baked proposal.
5. One Jordanian
lawmaker suggested that Mr. Trump must have camel poop for brains.
(Okay, that’s a joke. But it fits.)
6. The road to statehood for
Gaza would be bumpy, with daunting housekeeping matters to address. The Dumpling
said the U.S. would “take responsibility” for disposal of fifty million tonnes
of ruble produced by sixteen months of bombing. A tonne is equal to 2204.6
pounds – so more like 60 million tons in our system.
7. Trump
said we would “level it out,” and turn the Gaza Strip into the “Riviera of the
Middle East.”
8. I
think we can all agree that nothing conjures up an image of helping people
displaced by brutal warfare, quite like creating a new playground for the world’s
superrich, jet-setting folks.
Like Mar-a-Lago
only bigger!
(Only ladies with big Botox lips and giant boobs would be
allowed to visit.)
Known as "Mar-a-Lago" face: Botox lips and filler. Kimberly Guilfoyle (now banished), left, Laura Loomer, right.
9. Gaza would
be a tiny state –139 square miles – but big enough for at least one Trump
hotel! Maybe two!
Jared
Kushner has already said that Gaza’s “waterfront property could be very
valuable,” which the Palestinians would love – save for the fact that Trump is telling
them they should leave and not let the revolving hotel door hit them in the ass
on the way out.
10. Trump
did admit that we would have to dig up a lot of unexploded ordinance. But he
said he would be happy to do it.
11. He failed
to mention the thousands of bodies buried under all that wreckage and didn’t
offer any thoughts on proper burials.
12.
Donald is no fan of laws protecting the environment, but you can’t just dump all
that crushed building material and those mashed bodies in the Mediterranean. The
current estimated cost of ruble removal is $1.2 billion. Re-building is
expected to take twenty-one years.
(Apparently, Donald hopes to still be president at that time.)
"To infinity, and beyond!"
13. Once
Donaldlandia becomes a state, we will need a giant border wall to keep illegal
immigrants out. Such as Palestinians who might wish to return.
14. Expect
Trump to claim that Egypt will pay for the wall.
15. Donald
has also suggested that we can find four or five pieces of land somewhere for
the displaced Palestinians to live.
16.
Learning from history, as he said we must, we could call those places “reservations,”
and have Native Americans explain how well that worked before.
17. What
if Gaza were out? That would make Greenland the top candidate for our newest
state. During his first term, Donald asked aides what they thought about trading Puerto Rico straight up for Greenland. In
fact, more than once he forgot that Puerto Ricans were already U.S. citizens.
(Admit it. So did you.)
18. In
terms of why Denmark claims Greenland in the first place, The Dumpling is stumped.
Let’s explain slowly, in hopes of reaching the dimwitted. Once upon a time
there were Vikings, who did not wear helmets with horns, even though old movies
consistently depict them styling the horns.
19. The Vikings
were sometimes called “Danes.” Today, the people of Denmark are called the “Danish
people.”
20. The
“Danish people” do not love pastries any more than most Americans, who do love
donuts.
A lot.
21. Let’s
be frank. All the donut-eating is showing. In 2002, the average adult male in
this country was 25 pounds heavier, compared to 1960 (191 pounds
vs. 166).
22. We haven’t
exactly slowed down with pastries since. As of 2024, 39% of American men were obese.
23. The ladies
aren’t doing much better.
24. I
had four donuts this morning, while typing this list. I believe I showed
admirable restraint, because there were three remaining in the box.
25. I
think we can all agree, that in a contest with real Vikings, wielding battle
axes, a modern American would get his or her skull split like a gourd, except that
we do have a lot of AR-15s.
26. Unfortunately,
we use our AR-15s mostly for shooting up schools.
27. The
only way Donald himself could ever hope to get into combat with Vikings would
be if he drove a golf cart, equipped with a cannon.
Trump: In reality.
Trump: As his fans imagine him.
28.
Sorry. We were talking about Greenland and got distracted! How did the Danes
first put in a claim on this icy chunk of real estate? The first Vikings landed
in Iceland, c. 875 A.D. In 985, Eric the Red sailed west from there and discovered
Greenland. We also know the Vikings were into “fake news.” They named the
barren land, “Greenland,” hoping to attract more settlers.
And the
nicer land they called “Iceland,” to keep all the illegal immigrants from
wanting to come.
29. This
fakery would be akin to Trump selling fugly gold sneakers, the difference
being, he found plenty of suckers.
30. Not
many Vikings were fooled, even in an era when there was still no Siri to ask for
answers. In fact, disgruntled settlers in Greenland were the first to come up
with the phrase, “It’s colder than a witch’s tit.”
31. Or
as Danes would put it: “Det er
koldere end en heksemejse.”
32. Did
you know that Greenland is squashed down under ice that averages 1.4
miles thick? Well, it is.
33. The
first Danish king to convert to Christianity was Harold Bluetooth in 985 A.D. Once
he and his people adopted Christianity, they picked up the fad of witch-burning,
which was surprisingly popular.
34. We
should probably remind everyone that the first English settlers to come to
America also took the biblical admonition, “Thou shalt not suffer a witch to
live,” seriously. This is additional proof that we should erase all walls
separating church and state and admit we would be better off if Christian
Nationalism triumphs, and we can have fifty-one different state governments led
by church leaders and require taxpayers to hand over cash to support private religious
schools.
35. The
blogger is pretty sure Chirstian Nationalists don’t advocate handing taxpayer
money to schools run by Mormons or Muslims. Or schools related to Druidism. Or
Hindu schools, now that you mention it. Christian Nationalists are picky about
whose religious ideas should prevail.
36.
Theirs.
37. We
should also point out that “Eric the Red” was not a communist, despite that
“red” business – mainly because Karl Marx hadn’t been born yet.
38. If
you’ve never noticed, the MAGA faithful are quick to shout at anyone they don’t
like, such as the 81 million people who voted for Joe Biden in 2020 (which is 7
million more than voted for Donald) and call them “Marxists” or “commies.”
39. If a
fellow American displeases the MAGA faithful by pointing out that Biden did win
in 2020, or that Puerto Ricans are indeed U.S. citizens, and that The Dumpling
is too dense to notice, the MAGA folks are quick to howl, “You dirty commie. Go
back to the country you came from.”
(This blogger was proudly born in Akron, Ohio.)
40 During
his first crack at leading the nation, Donald told a quartet of U.S.
congresswomen to go back to the countries from whence they had come, after they
suggested that he was a nitwit.
41. One
of those congresswomen was Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, born in Puerto Rico, which
is definitely part of this country.
(We mentioned that above.)
42. Donald
missed again with Rep. Rashida Tlaib, who was born in Michigan.
43. He
whiffed a third time, adding credence to the “nitwit theory,” getting Rep. Ayanna S. Pressley wrong. She was born
in Cincinnati, which, when I looked out my window here in southern Ohio, was in
fact part of the United States.
44. Pressley’s ancestors came to America on a
slave ship. Now that Trump has signed an executive order, making it a crime to
say anything negative about our nation’s past, we will have to refer to slave
ships as “cruise ships with surprising affordable passenger accommodations.”
45. In
any case, sometime around 1000 A.D. Leif Ericson sailed from Iceland to Norway, to visit the family. On
his way home, he overshot the mark and ran into Newfoundland – which is today part
of Canada. The Vikings didn’t stick around because the “Skraelings,” or
“Screaming People,” showered them with flint-tipped arrows. These indigenous
peoples would later be re-labeled as “Indians,” including varieties such as,
“Iroquois,” “Algonquin,” and “Cleveland.”
46. The
years passed and still the Detroit Lions did not make the Super Bowl. Finally,
in 1721, the king of Denmark decided to check up on the settlers in Greenland,
after no one had heard from them for three hundred years. He sent an expedition
to the island to see how the settlers were doing – which was terrible. Only the
Inuit remained. Not to be denied, the king put in a fresh claim.
47. Let’s
be blunt. Mr. Trump has no more grasp on U.S. history than a panda. But even he
probably knows that “1721” is before the United States was born. That means the
Danish claim to Greenland is solid.
48. During
one of his great speeches, Donald piled up praise for General George Washington
and the Continental Army. He commended George and the boys for capturing the
airports at Yorktown in 1781.
(And I’m not joking!)
49. That
would have been long before Orville and Wilbur, two proud Ohio boys, invented
flying. We can report with confidence that no one in the Continental Army ever had
to worry about carry-on luggage.
50. This
past January, Donald Trump Jr. traveled to Greenland. He didn’t stay long, but
when he came home, he assured reporters that Greenlanders loved him, and loved his
Dumpling Dad even more, and could hardly wait to slap MAGA caps on their heads,
and maybe on polar bears too.
51. “F**k
the polar bears,” Trump fans will shout. They know the president would never
lie, and he has told them that climate change is “a hoax,” and if you believe
it is real (such as scientists at NASA) you are a “commie” and a “pedophile.”
52.
Better check that NASA link quickly. Now it includes a disclaimer that the science
will soon be moving to a new home.
53. Likely,
a dumpster.
54. For
now, NASA scientists are free to report that in recent years the Greenland ice
sheet has lost 5,390 billion tons of ice.
That is
a very bad sign, climate-wise.
55.
President Trump likes to tell his followers not to worry – that the oceans are
rising at a rate of one teaspoon per million years. (I’m joking. What he really
said during his recent campaign for a second term was that the waters would rise only “one-eighth of an inch in the next 400
years.”)
56. NASA
scientists have actually warned that oceans are rising 0.13 inches per year, or 1.3 inches per decade,
or 13 inches per century. In 400 years, the oceans would have risen 52 inches.
57. That’s
more than four feet, if you live near a beach.
Greenland melting.
58. Meanwhile,
if you watched the Inauguration, you know that the lovely First Lady will be doing
her best for the next four hundred years to avoid kissing her philandering
husband or sleeping with him.
She will
continue to wear large defensive hats.
Keeping those lips at a safe distance.
59. Despite
what Don Jr. said, the leaders of all five political parties in Greenland put a
damper on his dream, and Don Sr.’s dream, and announced that they had no desire to be part of the United States.
60. Wait.
Are you saying that Greenland has five political parties???
61. Yes.
This is an educational post.
62. To
gin up support for his planned land grab, President Trump has been telling
everyone that the United States must have Greenland for national security purposes,
apparently forgetting that Denmark is a NATO ally. So are Canada, Norway, and
Finland, all closer to Greenland than the USA.
63. If Russia
or Vikings tried to attack Greenland, NATO rules would apply. All members would
be expected to pitch in and fight.
64. No
Trumps would fight. No Trump has ever fought for this country. Like: Zero.
65.
Well, maybe Barron?
66. President
Trump hates NATO and often talks shit about pulling out. Vladimir Putin also
hates NATO, which should tell you something.
67. Since
our main topic is “new states,” although the blogger seems to forget, how about
Puerto Rico as a dark horse candidate to be #51? The Puerto Ricans are already
U.S. citizens, and they have an actual interest in statehood; but Donald Sr. doesn’t want a state chock full of dark-skinned,
potential voters.
68. The
president has already said that if we need more immigrants, he would like to
see more Norwegians; and you can guess why. No one (so far) has
ever suggested making Norway the 51st state.
(Fun fact: The Norwegians also have Viking ancestors.)
69.
Puerto Rico has 3,800,000 inhabitants – more than enough to become a state,
with two U.S. senators, and maybe an NFL expansion team.
70. That
would be more people than Wyoming, Montana, North Dakota and South Dakota
combined.
71. An estimated
48,000 Puerto Ricans served in the U.S. military
during the Vietnam War, when Donald avoided serving because his feet hurt. So,
their patriotism is real and does not end with the tongue.
72. Speaking
of potential 51st or even 52nd states, according to Republicans, Washington
D.C., with 690,000 people, is also out. Again: Too many dark-skinned people,
who would vote Democratic.
73.
Wyoming – with 600,000 people – that’s a real state! Just ask Sen. John Barrasso
– which, if you were inebriated and tried to pronounce his name would sound
surprising like you were saying, “Senator Bare Asshole.”
(The blogger has bicycled across Wyoming. He does love that
state.)
Wyoming scene: Near Jeffrey City.
74. Sadly,
if you know your history – and the president doesn’t – Greenland doesn’t have
enough people to qualify for statehood, partly because polar bears get hungry.
The old rule: First, a chunk of real estate under U.S. control must audition by
becoming a “territory.” Then you need a minimum of 60,000 people to become a
state.
75.
Also, you need to have a state tree, a state flower, a state insect (optional) and
a state motto.
76. Indiana’s
state insectis the
firefly, which I felt I should mention.
77. No
state has yet made the vulture the state bird, which shows a clear lack of
creativity and imagination.
78. If Greenland wins the
contest to be our next state, I think the state motto should be, “Colder than a
witch’s tit.”
(Just saying.)
79. We
were discussing Newfoundland earlier, which is part of Canada, and which is where
the Vikings first landed in America. Personally, President Trump favors Canada as
the 51st state.
80. The
MAGA faithful love his out-of-the-box ideas (also known as “hogwash,” “claptrap”
and “moonshine”) – even though no one who likes Donald understands the rules of
hockey, Canadians’ favorite game.
82. Clearly,
the MAGA faithful fail to understand that if Canada were to become one state, it
would be fourteen times the size of Texas. This would be hard for Texans to
accept, like being from Rhode Island.
83. The very
idea that our neighbors to the north would go for a plan to become one state
and enjoy two measly senators – like North Dakota – when there are 41 million Canadians
– is the essence of nonsense, and only a moron would suggest it.
84. Like
this guy.
85. In
fact, our northern neighbor is divided into thirteen provinces and territories.
At least eight should, if we are using the U.S. model, become states. Ontario would
be fifth in population, if made a state, beating out Pennsylvania. Quebec would
match Virginia, and British Columbia would equal Alabama.
86.
Saskatchewan would have to change its name to “Even Farther North Dakota,” and
would also demand two senators.
87.
Canada has universal healthcare. Canadians will not want to wait
around to sign up for Trumpcare – which does not exist.
88. An overwhelming majority of Canadians (81%)
believe climate change is real, and think Donald
Dumpling is a nincompoop because he can’t tell the difference between climate
and weather.
89. Only
21% of Canadians would have picked The Dumpling
over Kamala Harris, vs. 60% for the Democrat. If Canadians had been able to
vote, Trump would have lost in 2024, again.
90. Canadians
believe in gun control. As recently as 2021, the U.S. had a murder rate three times higher.
91. They
should probably seal their border against us, not ask to become a state.
92. If
you point out to Trump fans that Americans have more guns (an estimated 378 million) than there are actual Americans
(336 million), you will be accused of wanting to take
all the guns away and make real men wear pantyhose.
93. President
Trump has made it Priority #1, to protect us all from “pronouns,” such as an
unarmed transgender kid threatening the English language by asking to be referred
to as “they.”
94. What
about an armed individual shooting up another school? Isn’t that a more serious
problem?
95. Not
according to lawmakers like Rep. Thomas Massie (R-Ky.). He believes every family
should have at least one gun per child.
96. If a
child is ambidextrous, then two.
Merry Christmas from the Massie family.
97. Since
our main topic is still potential new states, we should point out that a forward
thinking American has copyrighted the best designs for flags with 51 stars. So
that’s another vexing problem.
98.
There might be a way to squeeze 51 stars onto this flag, if we were creative. Sadly,
more than a few Trump fans would be onboard with that idea.
99. It’s
going to be a long four years with the Dumpling back in charge, and I think
I’ll go eat those three leftover donuts.
100. Finally,
I believe we can predict that Melania is going to need a lot of big defensive hats
during her husband’s second term in office.
A
Mountie hat would look especially stylish and seem fitting, assuming Canada wins
the prize to become our next great state.
