Detective Donald and the Case of the Missing Reporter

As long as Trump remains in office there will never be a day where something idiotic or dangerous to democracy does not transpire. (See: Anything New? The Daily, Hourly Craziness of Donald J. Trump; Part V.) 

This week, we learn that the president is putting his detective skills to work again. He’s tracking down the story of the disappearance of journalist Jamal Khashoggi.

What could go wrong?

10/15/18: Detective Donald is hard at work. This is the same Detective Donald who once grilled Vladimir Putin. Did you interfere in the U.S. election?” he demanded. I think he shined a bright light in Putin’s face.

“No, Detective Don! I did not,” Vladimir said.

“Okay, I believe you.”

That’s how you close a case, folks.

Later, Kim Jong-un promised to get rid of all his nuclear weapons. Don was on it like a cat on a three-legged mouse. “North Korea is no longer a nuclear threat,” he announced.

(North Korea still had all its nukes.)

You may recall: Detective Donald first made a name when he insisted the Central Park Five were guilty and we should fry them.

(Eventually, DNA evidence cleared them.)

Still, you couldn’t keep Detective Don down. He was on the case again in 2011, promising to get the goods on President Obama. He would show the American people their president was not really an American!

(After five years, he “cracked the case.” “Okay, he was,” said Don. You could even read that story on Fox “Never Fake” News.) 

Now Don’s on the case once more. Jamal Khashoggi, a Saudi-born journalist, permanent resident of the United States, and reporter for the Washington Post, walks into the Saudi consulate in Istanbul, Turkey. You can watch him enter on surveillance cameras. No one ever sees him leave. The Turkish government soon claims it has evidence Khashoggi was murdered and dismembered and snuck out of the consulate in diplomatic pouches. Detective Don calls King Salman of Saudi Arabia. He grills the poor royal, just like he grilled Vladimir this past summer in Helsinki. This is the most feared grilling any dictator or royal potentate can ever face.

“Did you do it?” Don demands

“No. Never!!!” King Salman swears.

Detective Don tells reporters the king “vehemently” denies having Khashoggi, a frequent critic of the royal family, murdered. Don posits the theory that the journalist might have been killed by “rogue actors.”

Naturally, Detective Don has several theories to work through. It might have been Hillary. It could have been Obama.

It might have been that same “400-pound guy sitting on his couch,” who might have hacked the 2016 election. Yes, that might be who it was. Old Fatso hoisted himself off his couch, jumped on a plane to Turkey and managed to slip past security cameras. He entered the Saudi consulate. He killed the journalist. No one saw him do it. No one heard the victim screaming. Next, Old Fatso grabbed the body without anyone noticing and ran down the street, although no security footage shows a 400-pound guy lugging a body out of the building.

Well, Detective Don isn’t jumping to conclusions. He’s a legend in the crime-busting community, for his investigative precision. When Judge Roy Moore was accused by five women of sexual harassment, Don cleared him! Don cleared Roger Ailes, Bill O’Reilly and Judge Kavanaugh too.

Detective Don even cleared himself when more than a dozen women accused him of unwanted groping.

Anyway, enough about that! Don’t forget, the Saudi’s buy U.S. weapons! Detective Don has already made it clear. He doesn’t care who they murder and he doesn’t like journalists in the first place.

He just wants to sell weapons. 

  

10/16/18: Detective Donald is still hard at work. He’s leaving no pebble unturned in his investigation of the disappearance of the journalist Jamal Khashoggi. First, he sends Secretary of State Mike Pompeo to Riyadh, to meet with King Salman and Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman—suspected by most of the known world as having ordered the reported killing.

Pompeo spends most of his time on camera grinning beside the prince like some rube who just met a Victoria’s Secret model. 

Fun with killers!

Detective Don can’t be fooled, either. He calls the Crown Prince on the phone. The Crown Prince says he didn’t have anything to do with the alleged crime. Detective Don, who has all the resources of the American intelligence-gathering community at his beck and call, seems satisfied.

In other words, it’s time to tweet!

Detective Don buys the Saudi story.

Unfortunately, Detective Donald can never get a moment’s rest. Reporters as various “Fake News” media outlets go digging for evidence and uncover details that the government of Saudi Arabia would like to remain buried.

Sorry, poor word choice.

Don decides he must comment publically. It’s very sad that people are blaming the Saudis—just because a journalist walked into their consulate two weeks ago and has not been seen since.

“Here we go again with, you know, you’re guilty until proven innocent,” Detective Don grouses. “I don't like. We just went through that with Justice Kavanaugh and he was innocent all the way as far as I’m concerned. So we have to find out what happened.”

So what do we know?

On one side, King Salman and the Crown Prince deny involvement in whatever happened. And you can’t fool Don. He believes them. “Innocent until proven guilty” has always been his mantra—which is why he enjoys it when crowds at rallies shout, “Lock her up! Lock her up!” in reference to rival politicians who have never—minor technicality—been indicted or tried or sentenced.

What else do we know? Khashoggi was a fierce critic of the Crown Prince. He entered the Turkish consulate on September 28 to get documents necessary to marry his fiancé. Officials told him to return October 2 to pick up his paperwork. Khashoggi did so. He hasn’t been seen since.

Originally, the Saudis denied any knowledge of what happened to the reporter. They insisted he left the consulate freely soon after. Maybe he tripped over a rosebush after leaving.

The Turkish government wasn’t buying it. They announced they had evidence Khashoggi was killed inside the consulate and his body sliced up like flank steak.

The Turks soon produced video of two Saudi planes landing in Istanbul on the day Khashoggi disappeared. Fifteen Saudis debark. They include “Saudi special forces officers, intelligence officials, national guards and a forensics expert.” They head for the consulate. Who knows? Maybe they are going to try to catch some “rogue actors” who might want to harm the journalist.

The Turks provide evidence to show that the same 15 Saudis depart later that day, but fly in two directions, one plane landing in Dubai and then flying on to Riyadh. The other goes by way of Cairo, then on to Riyadh. Maybe agents were using some frequent flier miles to get good deals.

Remember: We don’t want to think these people are “guilty until proven innocent!” Although, there are reports that Khashoggi managed to record his interrogation and murder on an Apple watch he owned.

On October 9, the “failing Fake News” New York Times runs a story, citing an unnamed Turkish official. Khashoggi was killed and cut up within two hours of arrival at the consulate he says. “It’s like Pulp Fiction.”

The Times notes that Saudi officials, including the Crown Prince insist the reporter left the building shortly after his arrival.

He was probably really happy to have those marriage documents, too. Oh, boy! Next comes the honeymoon.

The Times reports that various Turkish officials had been hinting that a video of the murder is already in their possession:

A commentator close to Mr. Erdogan’s government said so publicly on Tuesday.

“There is a video of the moment of him being killed,” Kemal Ozturk, a columnist in a pro-government newspaper and the former head of a semiofficial news agency, said in an interview on a pro-government television network, citing unnamed security officials.

On October 10, Sabah, a Turkish paper, posts airport and customs videos and photos of all fifteen Saudis entering the country. One is a forensic doctor who specializes in autopsies. Among other items in his baggage, he’s carrying a bone saw. Two others are identified as Saudi Air Force officers.

Caught with their thawbs half down, the Saudis do some serious alibiing. First, they claim the consulate cameras, which show Khashoggi entering, are a “live feed” and don’t record. Robert W. Jordan, a former U.S. ambassador to Saudi Arabia under President George W. Bush, takes a giant step down the “guilty until proven innocent” road. “Their explanation that their closed circuit TV is only a live feed and not recording makes no sense at all and would be absurd in terms of security tradecraft.” It is “95 percent certain,” he says, the Saudis bumped off the reporter.

The “Fake News” folks aren’t done faking stories. On October 16, with Detective Don already swallowing Saudi excuses, and Pompeo having enjoyed his Grinfest with the Crown Prince, the Washington Post starts to pin down the roles of the fifteen Saudi travelers and their ties to Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman. Khalid Aedh Alotaibi is a member of the Saudi Royal Guard. He often flies to the United States when the Crown Prince or other members of the royal family visit. Seven others appear to have identified themselves on social media as Saudi security agents. Several appear to be members of the Royal Guard or employees of the royal palace. Naif Hassan S. Alarifi and Saif Saad Q. Alqahtani are reportedly “even closer to the royal family—specifically as employees of the ‘Crown Prince office.’”

For some odd reason, and despite repeated requests from the “Fake News” folks at the Post, the Saudi Embassy in Washington declines to comment on any of the men. They have been described in pro-government Saudi newspapers as “tourists”. All newspapers, by the way, in Saudi Arabia are “pro-government.”

It’s as if all American media outlets were “Fox News.”

In any case, journalists keep digging. Maher Abdulaziz Mutreb, one of the fifteen, shows up in photos on numerous occasions, getting off planes with the Crown Prince, walking behind the Crown Prince, hanging around as the Crown Prince talks to a lady in Houston or shakes hands in Boston.

Finally, the Post explains: 

Among the most prominent names on the Saudi team list is Salah Muhammed al-Tubaigy, a forensic expert known for pioneering rapid and mobile autopsies, who flew into Istanbul shortly after Khashoggi entered the Saudi Consulate and flew out nine hours later, Turkish officials say.

In closing, reporters note: “Tubaigy has not responded to email and phone messages left at three numbers associated with the profile he had set up on an Arabic subscription phone app.”

And when we take all this evidence together, we can see exactly why Detective Don is so anxious to accept the Saudi government when they say they had nothing to do with the killing.

If there was a killing, that is. So far they haven’t admitted there was.

I think the moral of the story, if we asked Don would be, “Don’t forget your bone saw next time you plan a vacation.”