Catch-22: President Trump Endorses an Accused Child Molester for the U. S. Senate

AS A RETIRED AMERICAN, I have ample time to fritter away. This afternoon I decided to fritter half an hour away and watch Sarah Huckabee Sanders explain why President Trump endorsed Judge Roy Moore in the Alabama special election next Tuesday.

At the daily press briefing, White House reporters wanted to know what Trump thought about accusations of child molesting, lodged against the candidate.

Sanders said the White House found these accusations “troubling.”

(Even in this White House, apparently, it’s going a smidge too far to admit it and say, “All we care about is cutting taxes on billionaires. We can’t worry about a few children who were molested.)

 A reporter from ABC wonders, “Then why is the President endorsing him?”

I shout at the television, “Because the President is a sexual predator.” 

Sadly, Sanders couldn’t hear me.

On screen, I watch her reply in full Catch-22 mode, “We believe it’s up to the people of Alabama to decide.”

A reporter asks, “If you want the people of Alabama to decide, why is the President endorsing Moore?”

SANDERS COUGHS AND PAUSES a moment to sip a glass of water. She’s clearly suffering from a cold, likely brought on by the stress of defending the indefensible. “The President has made it clear Judge Moore supports his agenda,” she replies.

“But, if the President is troubled by the accusations, isn’t there a moral calculation here, to say that one vote is more important than predation against children?” another member of the “fake news” brigade inquires.

A pained expression briefly cloud’s Ms. Sanders’ visage. She draws a deep breath and says, “The President believes it’s up to the people of Alabama to make that calculation.”

I don’t know about reporters, tasked with making sense of unadulterated bullshit, but my head is already hurting.

A representative from CNN raises a hand and asks, “Would any person running on the GOP ticket be preferable, no matter what the moral questions in their background, if they supported the President’s agenda?”

“We think the people of Alabama would have to make that decision,” Sanders replies. I have a feeling she really wants to add: “Catch-22.”

Instead, she seems satisfied to grimace again.

In the back of the press room, a foreign correspondent is next to try to crack the nut. “If you say you want the people of Alabama to decide, why is the President endorsing Moore? Isn’t he trying to influence that decision?”

“We believe the people of Alabama should make this decision,” says Sanders.

AT THIS POINT, I BEGIN to have a weird out-of-body experience. I see myself floating above the scene. Somehow I am able to ask questions. “Sarah,” I wonder, “would President Trump endorse O. J. Simpson for a seat in the U.S. Senate if he was running?”

“That would be for the people to decide,” Sanders says. Only now, in my dreamlike state, when I look at her she's a robot.

Deep down inside, I still have faith. I believe Robot Sanders must harbor vestiges of her core Christian values. She can’t really enjoy lying for Trump every day. So in my dream state, I feed her what I think is a no-brainer. “What about Sergey Kislyak?” I ask. “What if he was running for the U.S. Senate? And before you answer, remember, Sarah, Kislyak is not a U.S. citizen. He’d be ineligib…”

It’s no use. 

Sanders has already started to answer: “President Trump has made it clear many times,” she says in an odd mechanical voice, “that there has been no collusion with Russia. And, again, it is up to the voters of whatever state to decide. If they want a Russian in the Senate, and that Russian supports the President’s agenda, naturally, the President would endorse him.”

A collective gasp escapes from the press corps.

I’m dogged in my dream. I want to understand what’s at stake. I try other names. Would Trump endorse Bernie Madoff?

Al Capone?

Benedict Arnold?

Three times, Robot Sanders says he would.

I KEEP TRYING. Even a robot press secretary can’t possibly blow the next one: “Would Mr. Trump endorse John Lee Gacy, who molested and murdered dozens of boys, for a seat in the Senate, if he was running?”

Robot Press Secretary asks: “Is Gacy’ s hypothetical opponent a Democrat?”

I admit she is.

“Then yes.”

I try one last time. I want to believe Robot Sanders still has some kind of heart or soul. “What if Jeffrey Dahmer was running down in Alabama. What if he was alive and we already knew he had killed and eaten a number of innocent victims? Would Trump still endorse him, just so long as he was a member of the Republican Party, and willing to toe the Trump line?”

“We would find accusations of cannibalism ‘troubling,’” Robot Sarah groans. “But it would be up to the people of Alabama to decide.”

With that, her electric circuits short out and smoke starts pouring from her mechanical nose, mouth and ears.

Then I snap out of my dream and realize, I’m sitting on my couch in my living room, and that, in reality, Donald J. Trump is now the leader of a party that sacrifices all principles to support pedophiles.

NO STRANGER, REALLY, than my dream.

Judge Moore reaches for another teenage girl.