The
Second Coming of The Dumpling
ONCE AGAIN, we pick up the cudgels of mockery and prepare to cover the second presidential term of Donald J. Trump – dear Mr. Trump to be known henceforth as Donald Dumpling. The MAGA faithful somehow see him as a macho figure of muscles and courage; whereas I see him as a fat ass who considers tooling around in a golf cart exercise. The dope has man boobs and wears badly applied skin toner.
As we travel the Fun House path that will assuredly be the Trump Administration 2.0, expect lies, and lots of them daily, ineptitude and endless excuses, and very real efforts to subvert the rule of law.
Like the
first term – only with fewer honest people to try to keep The Dumpling from
running amok.
Who slapped that man's mug with toner?
They missed a few spots.
***
Let’s start with a little “voter fraud” news – pretty much the same kind of news we’ve been seeing for the last sixteen years – this being the period of American history, where Donald set to work to convince the most ignorant citizens that U.S. elections were rigged by “commie” Democrats.
It started with lies about Barack Obama’s birth certificate and Donald had so much fun lying, and so few of the ignorant ever caught on, that he just kept lying, his lies multiplying and growing more elaborate with every passing day.
“Irregularities like this are rare.”
October 22, 2024: When illegal immigrants aren’t eating the cats, eating the dogs, eating the pets, they are voting by the millions in Ohio.
Well, praise Jesus!
Ohio Attorney General David Yost, a stalwart Republican, has announced a grand jury indictment of six illegal immigrant voters. That’s right, six!
A grand total of two voted in 2020.
“Irregularities like this are rare, and this is a small number of cases,” Yost told reporters. “We should all be confident in the upcoming election, knowing that the laws are being enforced and will continue to be enforced.”
(The true MAGA believer will miss this story
and dozens more like it.)
WTF! Donald again?????
ELECTION
NIGHT (November 5, 2024): Donald Trump wins a second term. This blogger
is not surprised, because the polls had been ominous. Suddenly, entire herds,
and flocks and schools of Republican election-deniers fall silent. On the
Democratic side, there’s the sound of weeping.
Cheaper gasoline, here we go!
Also, free
bacon will be handed out in grocery stores, and Donald will really, really,
really get a healthcare plan done this time.
*
11/6/24: Kamala Harris takes time to gather her wits before calling Mr. Trump to admit defeat. At 2 a.m. this morning, Dana Perino, on Fox News, has the temerity to complain. “You should concede and let your opponent have their election night … Let them have their moment,” she says.
Apparently, if you hope to be employed at Fox, or you wish to be a contented Fox viewer, it is a requirement that you be unable to figure out a calendar. Or four. As of November 6, 2024, 1,464 days have passed, and Donald Dumpling has still not conceded victory to Joseph R. Biden Jr.
UPDATE: Vice President Harris calls the former and future president Wednesday morning and congratulates him on his victory. She also promises that there will be a peaceful transfer of power.
Unlike 2020.
 |
A January 6 rioter sprays police with mace. Donald was still insisting he won. |
*
11/20/24: Trump picks his former acting attorney general, Matt Whitaker, to be the next ambassador to NATO.
If you are a normal person, you have no doubt forgotten. Whitaker was once a board member for World Patent Marketing. When customers began complaining about being scammed, Matt knew about the complaints but took no action. World Patent had to shut down after ripping off customers to the tune of $26 million.
Once again, recounts validate the voting system.
Same day: If you have been living with your head wedged in a plastic Halloween pumpkin, you may not realize how often recounts validate the security of state and federal elections. And you may not have noticed that whenever Republicans lose – even by seven million votes – they insist the system is rigged.
In Maine, GOP losers in the November 5 contest asked for recounts, which is fair in races as tight as these. So, what happened? In the first recount – of more than 6,200 votes – the Democratic candidate’s margin of victory decreased by one. In a second recount, the Democrat’s margin was cut to seven out of 4,600, down three. A third race for a seat in the Maine legislature saw the Democrat prevail by 36 votes on Election Night. In that case, the recount showed a gain of three.
As the Portland Press Herald explained,
in a fourth recount Democrat Kilton Webb won House District 98 by 55 votes,
2,996 to 2,941, over Republican Guy Lebida. Webb lost a solitary vote in
the recount. Lebida’s total was unchanged.
*
11/21/24: In most states, elections go to automatic recount, if victory margins fall below certain percentages of the votes. The battle for a seat in Congress, from Iowa’s First Congressional District falls into that category, with the Republican candidate ahead by 802 votes, out of more than 413,000.
This blogger is not aware of any race – other than the statewide recount in Georgia, in 2020, which involved five million votes – where a margin of 802 has been overcome by a recount.
Republican Mariannette Miller-Meeks, the leader in the First Congressional District race, has faced a recount before, after winning Iowa’s Second Congressional District in 2020 by a margin of six votes. The original count of just under 400,000 votes had shown Miller-Meeks ahead by 47.
Ironically, Rep. Miller-Meeks’ campaign accused Democrats of being “election deniers,” and Republicans complained, and said the recount was a waste of taxpayer dollars. “This is a delaying tactic,” her campaign added, “to thwart the will of the people.” Which Republicans would never support!
UPDATE (November 27, 2024): The recount is completed, and the Democratic candidate picks up a measly four votes.
*
Senators bringeth the stones.
11/21/24 (Bible Interlude): For those of you “less Christian” than Pete Hegseth, Trump’s uber-religious choice to head up the Department of Defense, the Good Book is clear when it comes to adultery, which even Pete admits he has committed.
Multiple times.
First, you’ve got that whole Ten Commandments list. Number VII: “Thou shalt not commit adultery.”
Then the idea is hammered home by Number X: “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s. (See: Exodus 20:14 and 20:17, respectively.)
For fun, turn to Exodus: 20:10: “And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife, the adulterer and the adultress shall surely be put to death.”
In fact, in both Leviticus and Deuteronomy it is made clear that the death sentence shall be carried out by stoning.
You can read it yourself: but in Exodus you have death as remedy for those who “curseth” their father or mother. Also, you have death for he who shall “lieth” with his father’s wife – this having been an era when a man could have multiple wives and sleep with slave girls – and death for the man who “lieth” with his daughter-in-law. If a man lies with a beast, you guessed it. Death for the man. And curtains for the offending beast! Then you have death by fire, always popular in days of yore, “if a man take a wife and her mother,” meaning flames for all three.
The religious zealots – like Pete – forget these admonitions. But one idea many still fixate upon today remains: “If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.”
So, if Pete is right, and “God Wills It,” as his tattoo reads, he won’t have to worry about Senate confirmation.
The senators will bringeth
the stones.
FUN FACT: Should we ever decide to “Make America Biblical Again” we’re going to thin out the ranks of Republican and conservative leaders. Hegseth gets stoned. So does Donald Dumpling. Rudy Giuliani, Newt Gingrich, and Jerry Falwell Jr. are prime targets. So is Robert F. Kennedy Jr., admittedly, a Democrat, and Donald’s choice to head Health and Human Services. Robert kept a detailed list of 37 women he slept with while married to his first wife – who found it and committed suicide. And then he cheated on his current wife with at least three other women.
In fact, if we’re going Bibles in every classroom, as Republicans in Oklahoma insist we must, we should mention Rep. Matt Gaetz, Trump’s now failed choice for Attorney General, who paid thousands to prostitutes.
“Consistent with strangulation.”
11/22/24: Good news, family values folk! Republican State Rep. Lucas Lanigan has won a recount by a single vote and will keep his seat in the Maine legislature. Also, bad news, family values folk! Lanigan has been accused of choking his wife, after she confronted him with evidence about an affair.
(See
above: Stoning.)
Rep. Lanigan finished with 2,478 votes. His Democratic challenger, Patty Kidder, finished with 2,477. The original count had the candidates tied.
Mrs. Lanigan is asking to drop charges, but prosecutors have refused. When she first complained, charges of aggravated domestic assault were filed, and she was taken to a hospital. She was found to have bruises on both sides of her neck, consistent with strangulation.
As for the hand recount in this race, it turned on two ballots. One was a test ballot, inadvertently included in the original count. Another had both Lanigan and Kidder marked. On Election Night, it appeared Kidder had won; but election officials discovered a different error, and the vote was believed tied.
I am not
going to make a cheap pun, and suggest Rep. Lanigan choked back tears when his
victory was announced.
*
Same day – non choking news: President-Elect Donald Dumpling has announced that his choice for senior director for counterterrorism, as part of the National Security Council, will be Sebastian Gorka. The Dumpling praised Gorka, saying that “since 2015, Dr. Gorka has been a tireless advocate for the America First Agenda and the MAGA Movement.” He did not mention “counterterrorism.”
If you’ve ever listened to the Dumpling, or Gorka, you know their idea of “terrorists” comes down to reporters, doing the job the free press is tasked to perform. We also know that Dr. Gorka is not a fan of the Black Lives Matter folks, or liberals in general.
*
“A telegenic Republican culture warrior.”
11/24/24: We have fresh news regarding studly Fox News commentator Pete Hegseth, Trump’s choice to helm the Defense Department during his second term. Did we mention: Hegseth is a news commentator!
What could possibly go wrong?
Pete does have combat experience, with the U.S. Army in Iraq and Afghanistan. So, this blogger can respect that. And he is studly; and Donald Trump loves to pick advisors who look studly, if male, or hot, if female. Not counting Dr. Gorka (see above), of course.
Pete is also a survivor of deadly combat with women – for example, women he has married, and women other men have married. Hegseth first cut the three-tiered cake in 2004, when he wed Meredith Schwarz. The couple divorced in 2009. Apparently, Pete’s five admitted affairs were one too many for the missus. The candidate to lead the Department of Defense didn’t wait long to carve the cake a second time, marrying Samantha Deering in 2010. Pete and Samantha had three children together, but Pete was also boinking elsewhere. In August 2017, while still married to Deering, he had a daughter with Fox executive producer Jennifer Rauchet.
A second divorce followed.
It was time for wedding cake again, and Hegseth and Rauchet, who has three young children from her first marriage, “tied the knot” (loosely, we assume), in August 2019. The ceremony was held at Trump’s golf course in Bedminster, New Jersey, where cheating on wives is not considered a real problem.
As mentioned on November 11, above, Pete is super
religious and when not banging women he’s not married to yet – or never will be
– he enjoys attending services at Pilgrim
Hill Reformed Fellowship, a congregation affiliated with the Communion
of Reformed Evangelical Churches.
Sometimes, Pete likes to show off his tattoos, including a Jerusalem cross on his chest, and one reading “Deus Vult,” a Latin phrase meaning “God Wills It,” on his right bicep. This last
phrase harkens to the Crusades, when Catholic and Muslim soldiers devoted the best
part of two centuries to killing each other.
 |
Murderous religious warfare! What fun! |
For good measure, super religious, studly Mr. H. has also been accused of assaulting a woman he met at a business conference. Here, we can rely on USA Today to tell the sorry tale:
The 2017 allegation centers on a California
Federation of Republican Women convention where Hegseth, a telegenic Republican
culture warrior, was the keynote speaker on Saturday, October 7, and his
alleged victim was a staffer for the organization.
On several occasions that night, the alleged
victim expressed dislike for Hegseth
In texts to her husband, who was staying at the hotel with,
according to reports, their two small children, she wrote that Hegseth was giving off “creeper” vibes,
ridiculing him as he spoke from the podium.
“I’m
going to be here all night,” she wrote. “It’s awful.” She also texted her
husband that she had been drinking “much more than normal.”
Much of what occurred from that point forward is in dispute – one woman’s word against one studly man. What is not in dispute is that Pete soon had the woman naked and in bed and admits he did ejaculate on her chest. But he says he was careful to ask the married lady if she was okay with everything he was doing.
Such as committing adultery.
Again.
*
11/25/24: Look, if you don’t know why we all need a vibrant free press, you need to go back to middle school and pay more attention in social studies class. If Fox News can catch a Democratic politician skimming cash from foreign agents, or the Washington Post can expose a Trump adviser of shaking down potential candidates for spots in the Trump administration, we all benefit.
Fewer crooks in government = good news for taxpayers, and honest individuals, generally, both MAGA and NOT MAGA, alike.
And so, today’s news:
A top adviser
to President-elect Donald Trump asked potential
administration nominees to give him monthly consulting fees in exchange for advocating for them
to Trump, a written review by Trump’s legal team concluded.
The scathing
review of Boris Epshteyn, a top lawyer to Trump who has extensive
sway in the transition, was prepared by Trump’s attorneys in recent days, according to two
people familiar with the report. It found that among those whom Epshteyn had
unsuccessfully solicited for payment was Scott Bessent, Trump’s pick for
treasury secretary.
Trump
commissioned the report after he heard allegations that Epshteyn had been
asking potential Cabinet nominees and others for money, said the people, who
spoke on the condition of anonymity to describe the internal document.
The review
recommended that Epshteyn’s employment with and proximity to Trump should be
ended, warning of scandal for Trump and possibly eventual criminal charges for
Epshteyn, according to one of the people with knowledge of the review.
The existence
of the review itself was first reported by CNN. Some of the elements
of Epshteyn’s conduct were first reported by Just the News, a conservative
website, on Monday afternoon. That outlet said it had spoken to Trump, who had
criticized anyone who seeks to make money off him. “I suppose every President
has people around them who try to make money off them on the outside. It’s a
shame but it happens,” Trump said, according to the outlet. “But no one working
for me in any capacity should be looking to make money.”
We should also mention that Boris was setting his standards high. He wasn’t going to sell his soul cheap. He was expecting $100,000 a month from some candidates willing to pay for his “services.”
(Only the Dumpling, himself, shall sell the golden tennis shoes.)
(Also: The
Bibles.)
Epshteyn has denied the
allegations.
We can also remind readers that Boris has been in trouble with the law before, once for punching a person outside a Scottsdale, Arizona bar, a second time after he was accused of groping two sisters in another Scottsdale bar. Apparently, Boris spends a good deal of time in bars – since he was reported to have spent fifty grand in the bar where the sisters accused him of inappropriate touching.
 |
Epshteyn was suspected of selling influence. |
*
11/28/24: President-Elect Trump issues another heartfelt Thanksgiving message to the American people.
“Happy Thanksgiving to all,” he posted on Truth Social, “including to the Radical Left Lunatics who have worked so hard to destroy our Country, but who have miserably failed, and will always fail, because their ideas and policies are so hopelessly bad that the great people of our Nation just gave a landslide victory to those who want to MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”
“Don’t worry,” he added, “our Country will soon be respected, productive, fair, and strong, and you will be, more than ever before, proud to be an American!”
*
11/29/24: Well, as the right-wingers like to say, every time they see a veteran, “Thank you for your service.”
Not counting anyone who has ever crossed Donald Trump. Today, we know that Elon Musk, has accused Col. Alexander Vindman, now retired, of committing “treason” when he testified against Donald – and said he held up aid to Ukraine for selfish reasons, even at risk of harming U.S. security.
*
11/30/24: President-Elect Trump chooses Jared Kushner’s father to be ambassador to France, because if you look high and low and even Google, “Rich people who are not crooks,” there is no choice better to fill the spot than Charles Kushner. Sure, you could look up and down your street, for example, and think, “My neighbor, Debbie, is not a pardoned criminal. I will select Debbie!”
Nope. Debbie is not rich.
Instead, you pick Charles, who “was convicted of preparing false tax returns, retaliating against a cooperating witness, and making false statements to the Federal Election Commission in 2005.”
And who pardoned Mr. Kushner in 2020?
Donald.
*
Same day: Pete Hegseth’s problems got a little worse today, when an old email, sent to him by his mother surfaced. Mom now says she supports her boy and hopes he can be the next Secretary of Defense – and tell women they don’t belong in combat – but maybe belong in his bedroom.
Angry over what she saw of her son’s behavior, the fired off an email in 2018. “On behalf of all the women (and I know it’s many) you have abused in some way, I say … get some help and take an honest look at yourself,” Penelope Hegseth wrote, while making clear she still loved her son.
“I have no respect for any man that belittles, lies, cheats, sleeps around and uses women for his own power and ego,” she added. “You are that man (and have been for years) and as your mother, it pains me and embarrasses me to say that, but it is the sad, sad truth.”
I think we can all see why Pete is a favorite with Donald Trump.
