The Orange God of Mar-a-Lago: May 2022

 

5/2/22: A special grand jury begins hearing evidence in Fulton County, Georgia. The 23 jurors will consider potential indictments related to former President Trump’s phone call to Mr. Raffensberger. (See: 4/29/22.)

Trump's call to Raffensperger is the very essence of attempted election fraud.

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TRUMPLICAN PARTY PLATFORM 

IF WE LEARNED NOTHING ELSE in April, we learned that the Trumplican Party plans to run in November on an outstanding platform, designed to make America Great Again! As in 1807, when slave trading was still legal.

 

RAPE AS OPPORTUNITY 

As Trumplicans stumble over themselves in a rush to ban abortion, sharp-eyed State Rep. Jean Schmidt of Ohio spies a silver lining. With the Ohio General Assembly debating a bill to make all abortions illegal, Democrats (also known as “commies”) argue that there should at least be exceptions where victims are raped and impregnated, or when pregnancies result from incest. 

No dice, Rep. Schmidt says. Suppose you are 13, and you are raped by your creepy uncle, and find yourself carrying a baby? 

Schmidt suggests that the lucky teen enjoy the pregnancy. “It is a shame that [rape] happens but there is an opportunity for that woman, no matter how young or old she is, to make a determination about what she’s going to do to help that life be a productive human being.”

 

“Just because you have emotional scars doesn’t give you the right to take the life,” Schmidt opined. 

 

So enjoy the scarring.

 

 

PROTECT AMERICANS FROM OTHER AMERICANS

 

You might imagine that the biggest threats to this country come from North Korea, with its nuclear missiles, or Vladimir Putin, who has a penchant for invading neighboring countries. Well, don’t you feel stupid!

 

Former-President Trump promises, if he runs, and we elect him again, he will protect us from the “biggest threat, the sick, sinister, evil people within our country.”

 

(This would seem to negate the need for the Great Wall of Trump along the border.)

 

 

PROTECTING AMERICANS FROM TRANSGENDERS, ETC.

 

Trumplicans don’t intend to mess around with “transgender” persons. Use the pronouns God gave us, people!

 

After Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary included a phrase regarding “gender identity” under definitions of “girl,” and “woman,” in its latest online edition, good patriot Jeremy David Hanson, 34, stood up for decency and threatened to shoot up and bomb the publisher’s offices.

 

In American there will be only two genders: 1. Male; and 2. females who realize rape pregnancies are great opportunities. The party promises not to let gay teachers say they’re gay – or have any teachers bother students with discussions of slavery, which, henceforth will be known as guaranteed “work opportunities” for black folk.

 

As for transgender individuals, they will no longer be allowed to serve in the military – even though hundreds already do. And they won’t be peeing in our bathrooms, either. They can go pee behind a bush.

 

Or in their foxhole. Until we ban them.

 

Trumplican patriots will soon be protesting outside the Mayo Clinic – because doctors claim some children are born with both sex organs.

 

See: Still only two genders (combined in one person).

 

 

PROTECTING CHILDREN FROM LIBRARIANS

 

The Trumplican Party promises to ban books about gay parents from public school libraries. Parents will be allowed, if a proposed law in Oklahoma passes, to challenge any book and have it removed within 30 days.

 

For example: a book about sea horses! Did you know male sea horses get pregnant? What kind of gender identity is that?

 

Also: a Michelle Obama biography.

 

If the librarian in Oklahoma fails to remove the book, as required under this proposal – perhaps the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, for example – the librarian can be fired, banned from ever working in a public school again, and parents can collect $10,000 per day from the school district.

 

 

LAW AND ORDER AND FIRING SQUADS

 

The Trumplican Party is clearly the party of  law and order! If we vote them into office, they will protect us from criminal librarians.

 

Also: health experts.

 

At a recent campaign event, John Bennett, running for a seat in Congress, suggested that Dr. Fauci should be placed in front of a firing squad. 

“We’re fighting communist Democrats, establishment RINOs!” Bennett explained. “We’re fighting against a system that stole the election in 2020,” and nobody has been held accountable. “We’re in a war with bureaucrats who have forced vaccine mandates on us, mask mandates on us,” he continued. 

“And you know what? They’re pushing this wokeness confusion down our throats now. And by the way, we should try Anthony Fauci and put him in front of a firing squad.”

 

Because, every thinking American knows it was Dr. Fauci’s fault that more than 990,000 Americans died from COVID, including tens of thousands who refused to be vaccinated – as Dr. Fauci recommended.

 

 

TELEVISED EXECUTIONS!

 

Trumplicans don’t mess around with stupid amendments that protect the rights of the accused in court. Cue the Trumplican crowd at a typical rally chanting, “Lock him up!” Or: “Lock her up!”

 

Or: “Lock him and her up!” if the individual has been born with both sex organs.

 

If Nevada will send Noah Malgeri to Congress in November, he will work hard to see that Gen. Mark Milley, head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, is tried by court-martial and executed on live television.

 

Among the general’s many crimes, he promised before the 2020 election that the military would play no role in determining the outcome.

 

 

ONLY THE FINEST CANDIDATES

 

As indicated above, the Trumplican Party will run only the very finest men and women for office. Former-President Trump has endorsed some fantastic Americans – and if we vote for all of them, they will help drain the swamp. Also, if they molest your wife or daughter, and your loved one gets pregnant…

 

Opportunity!

 

For instance, we have Trump-endorsed Charles Herbster, candidate for Nebraska governor, accused of sexually assaulting eight women.

 

Opportunity x 8!!!!!!!!

 

Also hoping to secure a seat in the U.S. Senate: Herschel Walker, former NFL star. His wife once filed a restraining order after he held a razor to her throat and threatened to kill her. Later, a girlfriend said Herschel sat in a car outside her house for hours after he promised to shoot her.

 

 

SAVING AMERICA FROM WALT DISNEY CHARACTERS

 

The “woke agenda” will be defeated, and no gay characters will be allowed in any Disney cartoons or movies. Also: Donald Duck will have to start wearing pants because that’s right there in the Bible. And am I the only person to notice that Minnie Mouse sends out a kind of slutty vibe?

 

 

NO NEW TAXES ON RICH PEOPLE 

Multi-millionaires and billionaires, this is the party for you! As Mike Gibbons, Trumplican candidate for the open U.S. Senate in Ohio, explained recently, he would like to raise taxes, but not on you people. 

The middle class, he explained during a recent podcast, doesn’t pay “any kind of a fair share” of income taxes. 

Also in favor of raising taxes – on some of the poorest Americans: Sen. Rick Scott (T-Fla.) who heads the Trumplican Senate campaign arm. 

 

STAND STRONG FOR BIG PHARMA 

If you worry about the salaries of CEO’s who run pharmaceutical companies and profits of said companies, never fear. Trumplicans will protect us from communists in the Democratic Party. For example, those Democrats who want to cap the cost of insulin, which an estimated 1.6 million type-1 diabetics in this country must have to live. That cap would be $35 per month. 

Well, we all know capitalism must be safeguarded. If a few hundred thousand diabetics can’t afford the hundreds of dollars insulin costs monthly, and they die – replace them with rape babies! 

In a recent move, 193 Trumplicans in the U.S. House of Representatives voted against a bill to cap insulin prices; but “commie” Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi managed to pass it regardless.

 

 

USE SOLDIERS TO WIN ELECTIONS

 

As already noted, Trumplicans would like to execute Gen. Milley. Now we know that even if defeated at the polls, they will never give up, and if they have to gun down other Americans to stand up for the U.S. Constitution, they are the party with the vision to do so. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, for example, has a few ideas to turn defeat into victory in any election.

 

We know that on January 17, 2021, with Inauguration Day only three days away, and Joseph Biden set to take office, Greene and other Trumplicans already in Congress were thinking it would be fun to declare “Marshall law,” as she explained to then-White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows.

 

Rep. Greene says she has no recollection of sending such a text – nor does she know the difference between “martial law” and “Marshall law,” but she’s sure the 2020 election was stolen.

 

She and other like-minded Trumplicans would like to settle the last election – or the next, should they lose – by sending in troops to protect our freedom, using bayonets and bullets. Also, tanks. 

 

TRUMPLICANS WILL PROTECT US FROM SCIENCE. 

After Trumplicans finish filling Dr. Fauci with a dose of lead, they can use one of Dr. Deborah Birx’s famous scarves as blindfold and shoot her also. She has defamed the Orange God of Mar-a-Lago, and must pay the price accordingly. During a recent appearance on ABC, Dr. Birx said she was “paralyzed” that day, seemingly decades ago, when Mr. Trump turned to her during a press conference and suggested injecting disinfectants to combat the coronavirus. 

Dr. Birx must face a firing squad because she fails to grasp the brilliant insights of the man all Americans know is really our president! When she first visited Trump in the White House she interrupted him for thirty precious seconds, which he should have been devoting to tweeting. 

“Mr. President, I don’t know who are you speaking with,” she claims to have told him, “but I have evidence to fully support the conclusion that this outbreak is going to be nothing like the seasonal flu or even pandemic flu. This virus is very deadly.”

 

Click. On came the TV, and the president turned to Fox News, in order to bone up on the policies he should start implementing, as soon as Sean Hannity explained them.

 

 

NO GUN CONTROLS

 

No matter how high the murder rate is in this country, Trumplicans will never fall for stories about shootings in every nook and cranny of America – which God always intended to set aside for white people. (See, for example, Rep. Matt Gaetz and the “Great Replacement Theory.”)

 

Trumplicans know that all stories of mayhem in America are “false flags” designed to give government a chance to confiscate the 400 million guns already owned by patriotic Americans. These guns they use them to protect themselves from other armed Americans, such as people experiencing road rage, neighbors mad about how you are snow shoveling, and young children playing with loaded weapons found in cars and used to shoot parents at gas stations.

 

 

FREEDOM FLUSHERS! 

You might think our country has a problem, since the entire western half of the United States is suffering from the worst drought in more than 1,200 years – and now states like Texas and Arizona are heading into the hottest, driest months of the year – and they’re already blazing. 

Never fear, Donald J. Trump, and Sen. Rand Paul, and other Freedom Flushers will protect our toilets. If Trumplicans can recapture Congress, they will address the drought by overturning meddlesome government regulations that require reduced-water-use flush toilets. 

 

NO CLIMATE CHANGE HOAXES 

Climate scientists around the world have been piling up evidence to show that action to address a warming planet must be taken. Trumplicans know all of them are lying, especially scientists who work at NASA. Trumplicans will protect us from evidence, and also protect our toilets, and keep transgender persons from using them, no matter how many times we have to flush them. 

(Trump claims he has to flush 10-15 times, which makes one wonder what he eats for breakfast.) 

You say wildfires are burning across a bone-dry, hotter-than-normal West? And it’s still spring? You say fires in Texas have charred more than 500 square miles? Oklahoma, 35 fires burning, Arizona, 46, New Mexico, 48, California, 161? You claim that glaciers 2.5 million years old, in the mountains on the Olympic Peninsula, might melt by 2070? 

Pure coincidence – and all we need to do is ban books that teach children about Smoky the Bear, who is probably a Satanic, liberal pedophile. 

If we elect enough real patriots, the Trumplican Party will add QAnon theory to the science curriculum. 

And f**k those sea horses.

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5/4/22: Now that gays can marry, and gay marriage hasn’t caused the institution of marriage itself to implode, right-wing types have turned their hate on transgender people. That means scaring the ill-informed with stories of transgenders destroying privacy in bathrooms, and “men” competing in women’s sports. 

Also, Judge Ketanji Brown-Jackson “failed” to define the word “woman!” Because she hates America!! 

Well, rest easy, if you fear the transgenders! State Rep. Randy Fine is standing guard. Fine, who represents Palm Bay in the Florida legislature, has promised to introduce a bill to deal with parents and doctors who believe certain children suffer from severe sexual identity problems. You know: Such as being born with male sex organs externally, and a uterus and ovaries internally. Or, picking just one from a list of terrible conditions babies can be born with, and that parents might have to face when human DNA takes a twist, having what the Mayo Clinic describes as “undescended testicles and an empty scrotum that has the appearance of a labia with or without a micropenis.” 

Rep. Fine could look this up. Mr. Blogger did. The problem is that Fine has the intellectual capacity of a garden gnome. He burns to make it a felony for doctors to provide surgery or prescribe drugs that might help struggling individuals find a proper gender assignment. The level of his reasoning in the face of what must be agonizing decisions for families and their children, is to inform other Sunshine State lawmakers that he can say he’s a porcupine. “But that doesn’t make it so.” 

He goes on to insist, “It is time to dispense with this fantasy making women’s sports a joke and our schools into a cesspool.” 

Rep. Fine is not in fact a porcupine. He is, however, a repugnant human being. Both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Medical Association support gender-affirming care for adolescents. 

 

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You could argue that Fine is Daniel Webster reincarnated, compared to fellow GOP hater Robert Foster. Foster is running to be the next governor of Mississippi, and the man has a plan to solve the “transgender problem.” He believes that those who “groom” children and pretend that “men are women,” and women men, and that porcupines make good pets, should be…treated with respect…considering the difficulties… 

Ha! Not even close. 

He says the “groomers” should be “lined up against [a] wall before a firing squad and sent to an early judgment.” 

No way of knowing what Mr. Foster would tell the parents of children born with what the Mayo Clinic describes as “ambiguous genitalia,” including some with both sex organs, who might “pretend” to be… 

What? 

Well, Mr. Foster, in such cases, could you define “woman?”

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5/7/22: At a recent rally in Pennsylvania, Ex-President Blubber informed his adoring followers, “Pennsylvania is the commonwealth where our Founding Fathers declared American energy independence. Think of that. We were the first ones, many, many, many years ago. 

          

 

Yes, indeed, in 1787, we achieved energy independence, so long as we had enough oats for our horses.

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5/8/22: What special occasion would be complete without a greeting from Ex-President Blubber? 

On this Mother’s Day in 2022, Donald J. Trump sends out best wishes on Truth Social, his version of Twitter: 

Happy Mother’s Day to all, including Racist, Vicious, Highly Partisan, Politically Motivated, and Very Unfair Radical Left Democrat Judges, Prosecutors, District Attorneys, and Attorney Generals who campaign unrelentingly against you without knowing a thing, and endlessly promise to take you down. After years of persecution, even the Fake News says there is no case or, at best, it would be very hard to bring. Someday soon they will start fighting RECORD SETTING Violent Crime. I love you all!

 

You have to love that incongruous ending: “I love you all!”

When I saw this on Twitter, I assumed it was parody; but Business Insider says it has verified the story. “At press time,” they note, “Trump's post had been liked over 55,000 times and ‘ReTruthed’ (the platform’s version of a retweet) over 15,600 times.” 

I am now looking forward to Trump’s next spat of holiday well-wishes. For example: Flag Day: “Today, all Americans proudly celebrate my birthday, your favorite president’s day, when patriots in MAGA gear wave the flag proudly, whereas Democrats who hate America want gays and lesbians and transgenders to have equal rights, and trample our freedoms, and we should use the flag poles to hit these degenerates over the head.” 

Five days later: “Happy Father’s Day to all you rapists who impregnated your victims, now that Roe v. Wade has been overturned…” 

Fourth of July: “Let all Americans celebrate the nation’s birthday, and I hope the radical Left Democrats blow off a few fingers with fireworks.” 

I can see the man starting his own greeting card business.

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5/10/22: If you missed former Secretary of Defense Mark Esper’s interview on 60 Minute, last night, you should be paying careful attention. 

And that goes double if you’re still a Trump fan. 

First, let’s not forget that President Trump’s first Secretary of Defense, Gen. James Mattis, once called his boss “a threat to the Constitution.” 

Last night, Secretary Esper echoed that warning. Quizzed by Nora O’Donnell, he insisted that he and other members of the Trump cabinet often had to stop their boss from doing “dangerous things that could have taken the country in a dark direction.” 

With Ukraine dominating the news today, Esper says that back in 2019, he had to fight with Trump to follow the law. Congress had authorized $250 million in military aid for Ukraine. The president insisted the aid be held back. Esper says had to keep pressing Trump to release the support. “It would be an argument after an argument. And I’d have to say, ‘Look, Mr. President, at the end of the day, Congress appropriated. It’s the law. We have to do it.’” 

You there…you in the MAGA hat! That’s a member of the cabinet claiming he had to push your Orange God to keep him from breaking the law.

 

His word against Trump’s? Remember, Trump’s own National Security Advisor, John Bolton, has said that the president held up military aide for his own purposes – to force Ukraine to investigate the Biden family. Bolton says Trump put U.S. national security interests, as well as Ukrainian security, at risk. 

He put his interests first. 

In the interview, and in his new book, Esper makes a variety of claims – often supported by other witnesses – that should disqualify Donald J. Trump from every holding public office again. He says, for example, that the president wanted to hit Mexican drug cartels with Patriot missiles, and suggested no one would ever know it was us – assuming no one else in the world had radar. 

Esper goes on to warn that in June 2020, with Black Lives Matter protests rattling the nation, and peaceful protesters right outside the White House gate, Trump lost his cool. He suggested calling in 10,000 troops to guard D.C. and wanted to know why the soldiers couldn’t just start shooting. When military leaders pushed back on the idea of shooting protesters and the First Amendment full of holes, Trump responded, “Just shoot them in the leg,” then. 

Illegal, unethical, bizarre ideas would come up on an almost weekly basis, Esper explains, “and we’d have to swat ’em down.” Fortunately, he says, “I had good support from General Mark Milley.”

 

O’Donnell asked Esper what was at stake if Trump ran for office again in 2024 and managed to win. He responded by describing the kind of candidate we needed – which Trump was clearly not. 

“Number one, they have to put country over self, uh,” he replied. “Number two they have to serve with integrity, uh with principles, uh, number three they have to be able to work with other people. They have to be able to unify the country and lead and President Trump just doesn’t meet that for me.” 

“In your opinion is Donald Trump a threat to democracy in this country?” O’Donnell wondered. 

Esper left no doubt:

 

I think based on his actions on January 6 you can’t come to any other conclusion. I think he was trying to overturn the results of a legitimately certified election and the peaceful transfer of power, both of which are hallmarks of a democracy and we are the world’s oldest democracy and even attempting to do that really not just hurt our own republic but undermined the credibility of the United States in the world to speak of these principles.

 

Trump reacted to Secretary Esper’s comments with typical immaturity, insisting in an official statement:

 

Mark Esper was weak and totally ineffective, and because of it, I had to run the military. I took out ISIS, Qasem Soleimani, al-Baghdadi, rebuilt the military with $2.5 trillion, created Space Force, and so much more. Mark Esper was a stiff who was desperate not to lose his job. He would do anything I wanted, that’s why I called him “Yesper.” He was a lightweight and figurehead, and I realized it early on. He was recommended to me by some very weak RINOs and that is what he turned out to be. 

 

Trump also responded to Esper’s claim that he wanted 10,000 troops on the streets of D.C. in June, and to have them start shooting. Unintentionally, in trying to defend himself, Trump revealed his awful inclinations once again. “Wrong,” he replied in a statement. “I wanted to send at least 10,000 troops for January 6, because I knew many people were coming to Washington that day to protest the corrupt Presidential Election (sic) of 2020.” 

You figure he hoped to use those 10,000 to stop the final certification of the electoral votes in Congress. 

And again: Trump’s former Attorney General, Bill Barr, has said that the Department of Justice found no evidence of voter fraud that would have changed the outcome of the “corrupt Presidential Election.” 

Trump then attacked him, too. 

He also denied that he had called members of his cabinet “f**king losers” after they balked his plan to put 10,000 U.S. troops onto the streets of Washington D.C. and shoot down protesters.

 

In his book, Esper explains how, in the summer of 2020, he and Gen. Milley came up with a system to stop an unbalanced president from doing anything rash leading up to the 2020 election. They called it “The Four Noes.” 

“One was no strategic retreats, no unnecessary wars, no politicization of the military and no misuse of the military. And so as we went through the next five or six months, that became the metric by which we would measure things.” 

Again: Esper’s comments are supported by others. Gen. Milley felt the need to come out in the last weeks before the election and assure anyone who was listening that the U.S. military would play no role in deciding the outcome. 

You have to be as dense as a bar of pig iron to miss the general’s warning. Only one man had the authority to call out troops to try to decide an election. Gen. Milley was making it clear ahead of time. 

He’d not follow an illegal order. 

Esper had similar concerns. He, too, feared Trump might attempt to use the military to change the outcome of the 2020 election. Once Biden was declared the winner, he feared the president would order soldiers to seize ballot boxes in key states. That is: in key states where he lost.

 

Esper told the general commanding the National Guard to alert him if he were contacted by anyone from inside the White House.

 

“Without being too explicit, my message was clear: the US military was not going to get involved in the election, no matter who directed it. I would intercede,” Esper writes, according to The Guardian. 

 

As for writing a book, he told O’Donnell he wanted to alert the American people, to chronicle the last year of a wild administration. He wanted us to know that Donald Trump should never be allowed to reenter the White House. (Not even as a visitor.) He said he felt a duty, “to tell…about things we prevented. Really bad things. Dangerous things that could have taken the country in a dark direction.” 

Asked, by another reporter about some of these stories, Secretary Esper explained that the former president was “an unprincipled person who, given his self-interest, should not be in the position of public service.” 

Other lowlights: 

Vindman: 

“The president asked me a couple of times about Vindman: ‘When will the Army kick him out?’ he would say,” Esper wrote. “It was surprising how animated one Army lieutenant colonel was able to make the leader of the free world. I never understood it.”

 

Ugly ships: 

“On multiple occasions, the president complained that the U.S. Navy ships ‘look ugly,’ while the Russian and Italian ships, for example, ‘look nicer, sleeker, like a real ship.’ Maybe so, but as I told the president in defense of the Navy, ‘Our ships are built to fight and win, not win beauty contests; we prize function over form,” Esper wrote in his book, adding, “That didn’t satisfy him.” 

 

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Elsewhere, Wendy Rogers, running for office in Arizona posts this screed in reference to her Democratic opponents: 

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5/11/22: Republicans are feeling salty, now that a Supreme Court brief has leaked, and the court is ready to overturn Roe v. Wade. 

Now all of the following may be true: 

1.     If your daughter is raped and impregnated, your daughter will have to carry the baby to term (unless you live in a state like New York, where lawmakers have said they will continue to follow the precedent set by the Roe decision in 1973.) 

2.     Sen. Mitch McConnell has suggested that if Republicans regain control of Congress, they may write into law a total ban on abortions in all fifty states. So, if your wife is raped, and impregnated, good luck. 

3.     Governor Tate Reeves of Mississippi was asked on Meet the Press, if he would sign a bill to ban birth control. He said he doubted such a bill would land on his desk. But he refused to say he wouldn’t sign it. “I believe that life clearly begins at conception,” he said. 

4.     Blake Masters, running for a seat in the U.S. Senate, promises that if Arizonans send him to D.C., he will clean up the swamp. He will start by voting “only for federal judges who understand that” Griswold v. Connecticut and other cases involving abortion rights were “wrongly decided.” 

5.     Griswold is the case from 1965, where the court decided married couples could receive birth control information, and even pills, in the mail. The justices held that a “right to privacy” existed.

 

6.     If a creepy relative rapes and impregnates a 13-year-old, that child will have to bear the child. In Ohio, Republican lawmakers are “crafting” a bill to ban abortion with NO exceptions. 

7.     Louisiana lawmakers hope to advance a bill that will make abortion a homicide. 

8.     That bill promises to, “Fully recognize the human personhood of an unborn child at all stages of development prior to birth from the moment of fertilization.” 

9.     I think this means, if you use a condom during sex, once you ejaculate, that is the same as attempted murder.

 

10.  If you have a pregnancy involving serious birth defects, including, for example, a fetus that lacks a brain, a condition known as anencephaly, and will die soon after birth, you may not have an abortion. 

11. You must carry that pregnancy to term and then you can watch the baby die within days, as it inevitably must. 

12.  Alabama is poised to pass a bill which would make performing abortions a Class A felony, meaning a doctor could face a sentence of up to 99 years in prison, the same as for rapists and murderers. 

13.  In Alabama, that would mean the rapist who got a woman pregnant, and the doctor who performed an abortion to help her could be cellmates. 

14. The governor of Tennessee has signed a bill to ban mail delivery of abortion pills.

 

15. In Missouri, a proposed law would make it a crime to “aid and abet” individuals who leave the state to get abortions. Driving a woman across the line, into Illinois, where abortion is legal, would be a crime. 

16. Texas has passed a similar law, with enforcement left in hands of private citizens, who can file lawsuits against those they believe violated it. 

17. Texans love guns. Next, they can pass a law to allow private citizens to shoot anyone they suspect has had an abortion. Okay, sorry. I’m being sarcastic on this one. 

18. The director of Pro-Life Wisconsin has stated that he does not believe there are ever situations where an abortion would be medically necessary to save a pregnant person’s life. So f**k off, doctors! If you think a mother might die, consider what could happen if we make Wisconsin like Alabama.

 

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In other news, Wendy Rogers, running for a seat in Congress from Arizona, posts a pro-gallows promise: 

 

 

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Finally, we have real voter fraud in Philadelphia – perpetrated by Republicans! Two young GOP operatives are fired after allegedly engaging in an illegal “ballot harvesting” scheme. A story in the Philadelphia Inquirer first revealed the scheme, noting that dozens of Republican mail ballots were being diverted to a single P.O. Box. 

So, yay, conspiracy theorists – who believe Donald J. Trump won his last race for president! Ballot fraud exists…and Republicans did it. 

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5/14/22: A white supremacist walks into a grocery store in Buffalo, New York and starts shooting. He has picked this grocery after research showed the work force and clientele were almost entirely African American. 

Before he can be stopped, ten people are gunned down, including a security guard who finds himself outgunned by a killer with an AR-15. Three others are wounded.

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5/15/22: Hate and fury pulsate on the right these days. Pastor Greg Locke railed in his sermon today. He referred to Democrats as “demons,” and “baby-butchering election thieves,” and warned member of his flock, “You cannot be a Christian and vote Democrat in this nation.” Striding angrily back and forth across his stage, he jumped and shouted. He repeated that last sentence, and added of Americans who voted on the other side: “They are god-denying demons...that hate this nation.” 

He told anyone listening, who didn’t like it, to leave to “get out in the name of Jesus.” He hopped up and down like a mad marionette. 

Then he issued a warning to Democrats in Washington, “You ain’t seen an insurrection yet.” Pointing at the camera, and addressing “god-hating communists,” he continued, “And maybe you’ll find out what an insurrection is.” He shouted again and said, “We ain’t playing…My Bible says that the church of the living God is an institution that the gates of Hell shall not prevail against it and the Bible says we shall take it by force.” At that his voice rose to a howl and he drew out the word “force.” 

That’s what the Bible says, he said, and then repeated himself. “It’s gonna get worse,” he concluded. 

 

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Elsewhere, a shooting at a church in Laguna Woods, California on Sunday ended with one dead and five senior citizens wounded. 

Then gunfire erupted at an open-air flea market in Houston. Two were killed and three injured. At least two guns were involved.

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5/18/22: On Fox News, Tucker Carlson is working hard to sell the pro-Russian line. He doesn’t see why the United States should be sending military aid to Ukraine, not when we have a baby food shortage in this country. (As if: the USA couldn’t address two issues at once?) 

In fact, it pissed Tucker off to learn that Rep. Dan Crenshaw, a Republican, and a man who lost his eye in combat in Afghanistan in 2012, is pushing for more aid. On his nightly show, Tucker mocks “Eye-Patch McCain,” for his stance, managing to insult two veterans with only three words. 

Sen. McCain, of course, was shot down over North Vietnam and spent years in an enemy prison. 

“Bow-tie Pussy” Tucker, as we shall now call him has never donned a uniform to fight for this country, and his patriotism is fake.

 

* 

Meanwhile, the Inspector General at the Pentagon has released a 44-page report, related to the case of Lt. Col. Eugene Vindman, twin brother of Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman, who had testified against President Trump in his first impeachment trial. The IG found in Eugene Vindman’s case that the “preponderance of evidence” showed that he had been retaliated against. No action was recommended, however, since the officials involved, including Mr. Trump, had left office. Both brothers had been working on the National Security Council at the time of Trump’s decision to halt military aid to Ukraine until the Ukrainians agreed to investigate the Bidens. 

Promotions the Army had said both brothers had earned were denied them, and Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman resigned his commission. His brother continued to fight for his promotion, which was finally awarded in March 2021. In a statement, now-Colonel Eugene Vindman had this to say: “I am deeply grateful for the trust and confidence the U.S. Army and the Judge Advocate Generals Corps have placed in me with selection for promotion to Colonel. They stood their ground despite intense pressure during the last administration,” he added. 

He has also suggested that his brother be promoted, retroactively. 

The Vindman twins both served proudly.

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5/20/22: A year ago today, Hello magazine ran a story on Dr. Mehmet Oz and his family’s home in New Jersey. According to the article, it was designed by his wife Lisa, “and it’s incredible.” (They shared the humble abode with their four children, Daphne, Arabella, Zoe and Oliver.) 

At 9,153 square feet, it had room for six bedrooms, eight bathrooms – so you never have to go very far when you need to go – a half-court basketball arrangement indoors, a movie theater, and an office for Dr. Oz. 

This is all very lovely, and we should not begrudge Dr. Oz his and his family’s comforts. But it does seem strange to say that since November of last year, he has been running for a seat in the U.S. Senate from…Pennsylvania.

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5/21/22: Michigan state senate candidate Jacky Eubanks lays out her policy ideas if elected, in an interview with the Church Militant. As a good Republican, and a woman of Christian faith, she’s in favor of banning gay marriage…and contraception. In her opinion, birth control allows people to think they can have “consequence free sex.” 

Which is clearly terrible! And, she adds, we can’t have a successful society outside of a “Christian moral order.” 

And can we note a supreme irony here? 

Ms. Eubanks has been endorsed by Donald J. Trump, for whom consequence-free sex was a lifestyle.

 

POSTSCRIPT: One might be forgiven for mixing up the various Republicans with a liking for theocracy in this country. Kandiss Taylor, running in the Georgia primary for governor, scoffed at the idea that the power of religion could, like any other power, become a threat to human freedom. 

“My slogan’s Jesus, guns and babies. Jesus, because it’s our First Amendment right to worship Jesus. It’s the right to worship Jesus freely. It’s why we have a country,” she told an audience last month. “Don’t talk to me about separation of church and state. Church and state was written because the state has no business in our church,” she insisted, her voice rising a decibel or two. “We are the church, and we run the state, and Georgia’s sovereign, and we’re running this state with Jesus Christ first,” she continued, wagging a finger at her listeners.  “We are the church and we run the state.” Jews and Muslims and Buddhists have their freedom, too, she admits, but “you don’t get to silence us.” 

As far as guns, she shows the audience her red pocketbook, where she carries, and tells them if she says get down, get down, well, she’s a “good shot.” 

Babies. Yes. She’s against abortion because her religion is against abortion and the Bible says life begins at fertilization, and if you’re raped you have to carry the pregnancy to term, and if your baby has profound birth defects… 

Wait, the Bible doesn’t say any of that. 

Does it? 

What did Jesus say about abortion?

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5/25/22: The Republican gun lovers are out in force, trying to spin the story of the massacre at Robb Elementary in a way more favorable to their gun-hugging party. Florida Rep. Randy Fine decides he’d like to address the latest massacre by threatening President Biden for suggesting we need more gun controls. “I have news for the embarrassment that claims to be our President – try to take our guns and you’ll learn why the Second Amendment was written in the first place,” Fine tweeted. 

Thereby making the case for more gun controls, himself. Fine denied he was threatening anyone, and went on to blast the president for “politicizing” the massacre in Uvalde, Texas – which Fine would never do himself. 

By tweeting. 

Rep. Lauren Boebert also decided not to politicize the slaughter by calling Beto O’Rourke a jerk and saying he wanted to use the dead children as “props” in calling for stricter gun control measures. Besides, “when 9/11 happened, we didn’t ban planes, we secured the cockpits,” she added. 

Boebert was simply echoing the argument put forward by House Minority Whip Rep. Steve Scalise. Himself a victim of a gun nut, Scalise could still prattle on about planes. And how we didn’t ban them.

 

We do, of course, require pilots to have licenses. You can’t just show up at an airport, hop in a plane, and try to take off. You can show up at a gun store in Texas, at age 18, and purchase a weapon of war, as did the Robb Elementary shooter. 

(A writer for the Washington Post notes that while Republicans suddenly believe the solution to school teachings is to arm teachers, those same Republicans continue to bash teachers, calling them “groomers” who want to teach children to be homosexuals and lesbians and transgenders.) 

In conservative circles, it was never the guns. Rep. Billy Long of Missouri had his own novel explanation. Why were so many Americans being killed by so many guns? And if guns made us safer, why weren’t we safer by now. Rep. Long, now running for a seat in the U.S. Senate, explained in a radio interview. Democrats were terrible people! “Unfortunately,” he said, “they’re trying to blame inanimate objects for all of these tragedies.”

 

When I was growing up in Springfield, you had one or two murders a year. Now we have two, three, four a week in Springfield, Missouri, so something has happened to our society and I go back to abortion. When we decided it was okay to murder kids in their mother’s wombs, life has no value to a lot of these folks.

 

So the answer was to ban abortions – but not guns! 

Finally, we have the conspiracy nuts, who infest the modern Republican Party. Lauren Witzke, who ran as the GOP candidate for U.S. Senate in Maryland in 2020, has an idea about what happened at Uvalde. 

In an interview on Cross Talk News, a right-wing radio station, she explained to her host. The Democrats in government were trying to corral the Hispanic vote:

 

So, of course I think about the conspiracy behind all of it. What do they gain from this, besides the gun control push? Hispanics are starting to vote Republican and conservative. They specifically targeted a school in an area that is majority Hispanic – it’s essentially Mexico is what it is – and they went specifically for a Hispanic district. Murdered 19. Of course, if this was a false flag or [the shooter] was an MKUltra, there was a reason behind this because they’re watching as the Hispanics are starting to lean more conservative.

 

These people are crazy. The midterms are coming up, and there’s no limit to how far they’ll go. There’s no limit to how far they’ll go to change the public narrative on things. I think it was multifaceted. Of course, it was a federal operation in order to implement gun control; now even the GOP is fighting for it, Fox News is calling for it. Not one inch. Do not give them one inch because they’ll take the whole thing. It is a warning now, and I know it’s very sad, and I know it’s awful, but also all this stuff is organized and operated.

 

What’s “very sad” is the state of the modern Republican Party, where people like Witzke are considered suitable candidates, and the GOP base falls for conspiracy theories of the most ludicrous type.

 

* 

Meanwhile, a report of an armed student at Berkner High School – also in Texas – leads to the arrest of a juvenile. The juvenile is reported to be a student at the school. Police find an AR-15 style weapon, and an automatic pistol in his car, which is just what every student in Texas needs. 

(We will learn later that the pediatrician who treated some of the wounded students said some of the victims he saw, when he walked into the classroom, were “pulverized” or “decapitated” by the massive firepower in the hands of the teen who shot up the school. 

Many of the bodies were so mangled, authorities had to ask for DNA swabs from parents to identify the dead, forcing a delay of several hours before families could be notified of their horrific losses.) 

 

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5/26/22: Ex-President Blubber has decided that another one of his former top aides is a brazen liar. Kellyanne Conway, his 2016 campaign manager, and a member of his White House staff until August 2020, says she was the first person close to him to tell him he lost the 2020 election. 

“Kellyanne Conway never told me that she thought we lost the election,” Trump responded in a post on Truth Social, his new website. “If she had, I wouldn’t have dealt with her any longer – she would have been wrong – could go back to her crazy husband.”

 

* 

A new poll shows that 88% of Americans support background checks on all gun purchases. Two out of every three support a ban on the sale of assault-style rifles. 

 

BLOGGER’S NOTE: Rep. Andy Biggs of Arizona will later stand up in Congress to offer his solution to the epidemic of gun violence in America. Specifically, he is talking about schools, but one would suppose his idea would work across all kinds of venues. “You say, well, we don’t want to talk about doors,” he admonished his Democratic colleagues. “What do we do?” he asked rhetorically. Then he answered: “We hide behind doors – because they work. You can harden schools and make them work.” 

We can end the carnage by putting better doors in our schools. And also, maybe, doing away with windows. 

We could, one would suppose, put armored doors on all our cars, since road rage shootings are rising. We could harden doors at home – to protect ourselves from domestic abusers with guns. We could carry doors with us to concerts and theaters and restaurants, and duck behind them whenever shooters appear, as they do increasingly in every corner of blood-soaked America. 

Or we could pass sensible gun control laws. You might even ban advertising of guns, as was done with cigarettes. 

Biggs wasn’t the only clueless member of Congress. You can always count on Rep. Louis Gohmert of Texas to say something incredibly stupid or clueless. He barked at his colleagues on the other side of the aisle and insisted that – the hell with doors – a few folded hands would have done it. “Maybe if we heard more prayers from leaders in this country,” he fumed, “we would have less mass shootings.” 

(As a former history teacher, I am reminded of the Ghost Dance craze of 1890, when members of various Native American tribes became convinced that by doing the right dance and chanting the right words, and wearing the right shirts, they would make themselves impervious to soldier bullets. They tried out their theories at Wounded Knee, and were cut down by the hundreds.)

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5/28/22: The largest fire in New Mexico history is burning, after the U.S. Forest Service misjudges conditions and a controlled burn explodes. Some 330 homes have been destroyed. More than 500 square miles of forest have gone up in flames. The second largest fire in the state is also active. 

Climate. Change.

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5/29/22: The parade of idiots continues today when Donald Trump Jr. goes on a rant about school shootings. For some reason, he’s almost in tears – to think that people are blaming the guns. 

He shouts that a killer with a baseball bat could have killed those 19 kids and two teachers at Robb Elementary School. 

So the gun wasn’t the problem – just because the shooter unloaded 143 rounds. 

The real problem, Junior fumed, was that “we’ve been coddled for too long,” that “we teach to the lowest common denominator,” and we can’t acknowledge that “people are screwed up.” Then he ticks off the real issues: “a drug-addict mother,” “a missing father,” and “a lack or religion.” It’s not the massive firepower in the hands of a teen. Nope. It’s “indoctrination programs” and “crazy teachers teaching some of the crap I’ve been talking about” in our schools. It’s the total lack of “discipline, patience and perseverance” in our society he cries, again counting off with his fingers. So, I guess, you could argue teachers were responsible for getting other teachers shot.

 

A gun owner poses proudly with her arsenal.

 

* 

By comparison, Major General (ret.) Paul Eaton weighs in on the topic of gun control in a series of tweets. For our purposes, the first two suffice:

 

As the former Commanding General of the Infantry Center at Fort Benning and Chief of Infantry, I know a bit about weapons. Let me state unequivocally – For all intents and purposes, the AR-15 and rifles like it are weapons of war. …

 

Those opposed to assault weapon bans continue to play games with AR-15 semantics, pretending there’s some meaningful differences between it and the M4 carbine that the military carries. There really aren’t.

 

Ordinary Americans are now able to carry weapons of war on the streets, and into our schools.

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5/30/22: The climate change rankings are out! According to researchers from Yale and Columbia, only two nations in the world are on a sustainable path to eliminating all new emissions by 2050. 

Neither is the United States. 

Denmark and Britain are on pace to pull off the job, but as anyone who understands human behavior could have predicted, most countries are still floundering about. Namibia and Botswana are also doing a decent job – but as poor countries, their emissions were low to start. 

By 2050, four countries, China, India, Russia, and the United States will likely account for half of all greenhouse gas emissions. The latest report is based on data from 2019. So it should be no surprise that the U.S. fell nineteen spots, to land at #43 in a ranking of 180 countries in the 2022 report. 

Call it a “gift” that will keep on giving from Donald J. Trump, long after Ex-President Blubber waddles off to heaven or hell or limbo, or nothingness, as the case may be. 

On “climate metrics,” under his watch, the U.S. dropped to #101, lower than any other wealthy Western democracy – save Canada, which stood at #142.

 

* 

Meanwhile, Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene has her eye on the issues that matter. She warns that the government wants all of us to eat fake meat grown in “peach tree dishes.” And if we do eat Bill Gates’ fake meat, we’ll get a little “zap” to remind us not to eat real meat (I don’t even know how that makes sense to the poor woman.) And…the government is “probably” going to check…our bowel movements! 

“You just have to accept the fact,” she says. And I do. I accept the fact that the poor woman is nuts.

 

FUN FACT – FISH: If you don’t think humans are screwing up the environment in a wide variety of ways, you’re probably a Trump voter. 

A study just completed by Florida International University and the Bonefish & Tarpon Trust found that fish off the state’s coast have tested positive for a variety of pharmaceutical drugs. Blood and tissue samples show low levels of anti-depressants, pain relievers, blood pressure and prostrate treatment medications, and antibiotics. 

So, healthier fish???

Does that fish look depressed to you???

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5/31/22: Finally, real voter fraud – bigtime “rigged” election stuff – Ex-President Blubber’s wet dream! 

Once upon a time, there were eleven candidates running for governor of Michigan, including incumbent Gretchen Whitmer, famously tagged by Blubber as “Half-Whitmer.” 

It was Whitmer vs. ten Republicans, vying in a Republican primary – and you just know Whitmer was getting some fake ballots ready to dump… 

And, what the hell!!!! Five of the Republicans have now been disqualified, including the two front-runners. In Michigan, a candidate must submit petitions signed by 15,000 registered voters to be included on the printed ballots. According to the Michigan Board of Elections, those five Republicans “submitted fraudulent petition sheets consisting entirely of invalid signatures.” 

I am thinking tipoffs might have include fake signatures such as: Sleepy Moe Biden, Gretchen Halfwitmer, and Studmuffin D. J. Trump.

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